Friend problem

She isn't your responsibility so no YANBU but you could continue to send her messages if you want to.
Do you want to?

Grammaretto

She isn't your responsibility so no YANBU but you could continue to send her messages if you want to.
Do you want to?

No not really if I'm being honest

I can deal with her little white lies but this is something else

Yes, keep your distance. Her issues aren't yours to solve and much of what people put on Facebook is fake.

I reunited with an old friend a few years ago. I was very excited at being back together and so was she, but it didn't last long.

Gradually I realised why I had lost touch with her and now we're older we have so little in common. Luckily this person isn't on Facebook.

We still meet up for a walk or a coffee sometimes but we are not close.

If you think this is merely a Facebook friendship then it isn't a friendship at all.

I keep in touch with friends further away by phone call- old-fashioned I know but you can tell lots about a person by listening to them.

It's up to you but I would ask what value this person brings to your life? If nothing except feeling she needs your help then find someone else to help who doesn't tell such terrible lies.

That people have to fake illness to get attention is all too common I'm afraid... sad, I know.

I agree with keepingquiet. IMO this sort of "friendship" isn't worth maintaining. (The older I become then the less time I have for people who simply "drain" and aren't reliable.) I would keep my distance and let this relationship fizzle out.

I think it's a bit odd that you keep asking her when chemo is starting!

leave her alone now you have found out about her ' stories'

by the way; Lauren Laverne a bbc presenter was diagnosed with cancer and off work for a short time then back on the sofa of 'The One Show' saying she's cancer free now.. caught early. just saying!

lemsip

I think it's a bit odd that you keep asking her when chemo is starting!

leave her alone now you have found out about her ' stories'

by the way; Lauren Laverne a bbc presenter was diagnosed with cancer and off work for a short time then back on the sofa of 'The One Show' saying she's cancer free now.. caught early. just saying!

I see your point but a family member told me she's faked illness before.

I originally asked her when her chemo was starting so I could support her as I know difficult it can be, especially for a person living alone. I guess I continued to ask because I knew deep down she was lying

I have mixed feelings about 'old friends' reconnecting via social media. Sometimes it can be a good thing, but that's usually when people have set out to find a particular person and used SM to do it. It was much easier to lose touch in our younger days - now it can be impossible to shake people off . If we've lost touch with someone who used to be close, it's lovely to come across them online and reconnect.

Some people 'collect' friends online though, and that is much more risky, I think. If we've lost touch with people we didn't really like in the first place, why on earth are we likely to make good friends decades later?

As for the 'friend' in the OP - she might be a scammer, or she might just be lonely and feel that people will only want to spend time with her out of obligation, so invents illness to make that happen. It's telling that her family member was willing to talk about her behind her back to someone who is (I assume?) a virtual stranger. She clearly doesn't have support there, either.

It's a shame that she's resorting to lies to get attention, but you don't owe her anything, and wouldn't be in any way unkind by cutting her off. If, on the other hand, you were getting something from the relationship (I presume you must have been as you spoke every day?) then there'd be no harm in carrying on contact, but be very careful about any attempt to get you to spend money or to be manipulated into doing anything you don't want to do for your own satisfaction. When you reconnected, were you looking for friends because you don't have enough yourself? Nothing wrong with that - we all have times when we might set out to get to know more people - but if so, you might want to ask her what's going on, so you can help her.

Doodled

Thank you, I'm not a stranger to the family member. Otherwise I wouldn't have contacted them.

Because I live a long journey from my home town I've enjoyed re-connecting with old friends. I've met up with quite a few during visits home.

I think I got more involved with this friend because alot of her family had gone NC (maybe that should have rang alarm bells), she had a devastating bereavement not long after we made contact again and as I said I felt sorry for her. On the times we've met up it's been fun

Looking back I think we found each other on our school Facebook page.

Have heard of attention seeking but this is beyond the pale. Had a lifetime friend die of pancreatic cancer last year and to think that someone would lie about this is just totally unacceptable.
Stay well clear of her.

Babs03
Yes my husband died from pancreatic cancer and she knows that

I think that's why I can't forgive and forget on this occasion

Sorry to hear about your friend xx

She clearly needs professional help and sadly, I would walk away!

Ziggy62

Doodled

Thank you, I'm not a stranger to the family member. Otherwise I wouldn't have contacted them.

Because I live a long journey from my home town I've enjoyed re-connecting with old friends. I've met up with quite a few during visits home.

I think I got more involved with this friend because alot of her family had gone NC (maybe that should have rang alarm bells), she had a devastating bereavement not long after we made contact again and as I said I felt sorry for her. On the times we've met up it's been fun

Looking back I think we found each other on our school Facebook page.

My post wasn't being critical of you - I may be misreading this post, but it seems rather defensive. I was trying to explore all angles, and much of the information in this post wasn't in the OP.

If she ever really does actually get cancer/chemo etc. who would believe her? I wouldn't!

Put a VERY wide gap away from her and I'm sorry about your husband and dad.

Thank you for replies. I can't remain friends with her.

She and her mother sounded quite the pair.

Walk away or she will constantly be telling you lies

Having spoken more to the family member, it's all very sad but I know I've made the right decision

It's very sad really for the person. She must be so lonely, that stands out. I can only think she lies to get sympathy and be centre of attention. You can't have a friend who you can't trust and believe. I think I would have had to tell her why I didn't want contact though. Saying what tells you doesn't add up and its always a drama you don't want in your life.. That she knows your husband died of cancer making it all the more cruel no thought or empathy for you. Estranged family or aquaintances are not the ones I would ask though.
My husband died of cancer and I know just how that is. People have gone public, asking public for money saying they have it or some other terrible illnesswhen they haven't. Who would trust them again,ever.

Allsorts

The reason I spoke to the family member was to clarify a situation that happened a few years ago when I thought I was being lied to and this person was dragged into the lies
Obviously I didn't just blurt out I thought my 'friend' was lying about having cancer.

I don't want to go into detail but the person involved has been through so much and needed to offload, so I'm glad I made contact
It's such a sad situation for so many, there are people more badly affected than myself unfortunately

I'll never understand so best to walk away

Sometimes there's no alternative Ziggy, you can’t trust a liar.

Exactly

I would steer clear, do you really need this?
Facebook and 'friends ' are a contradiction in terms (like military intelligence and fun run)
It us sad people have to do this but don't get sucked in as they can drain you, focus on those who are part of the solution not the problem if you know they are being false.

We were friends many many years before Facebook

I understand, my husband was an avid FB user but several times his generous nature was exploited by past friends and acquaintances so much care is needed to keep yourself safe and save your worry for those who deserve it.

Very true
Sadly I've become quite isolated in the last few years
Posts on Facebook are quite often so false
Lesson learned
I'm not unhappy just disappointed and wish I'd listened to my gut feeling in the beginning