Friend problem

She sounds lonely, attention seeking,and mentally ill. The NC with her children is a red flag.
Like you I feel sorry for her, but she lies, cannot be trusted and she really is not your problem. I would pull away from this friendship as I personally could not cope with it.

When I was a teenager we had a neighbour
, who lived in a fantasy world .
She told us the most amazing lies .
She went through a period of having a heavily bandaged arm ,which she didn't use
She said that she had bone cancer and it was a matter of time before it would be amputated .
Five years on and it was still there.
Then she said that she had brain tumour .
She also used to shop lift -her four year child told us .
When her daughter had her first hair cut Buckingham Palace were alerted to collect the hair for a wig for Princess Anne despite it being a different colour .
When the little girl started violin lessons at school-the council lent her a Stradivarious as she was so gifted .
Her husband finally told us that the illnesses were all fantasies .
She used to cheat on him .

Sorry -Stradivarius

Treat people with politeness and kindness not because they are nice but because you are.

You have done this in buckets. It seems to me this "friend" has a serious mental problem and I think to continue the relationship will affect your own mental health. You've tried to be a good friend so no recriminations. Step back. Maybe just have the odd contact to be kind but nothing else. Sometimes we have to let go.

I don’t even know why you’re asking the question - don’t you have boundaries?
She’s utterly toxic, her children going NC speaks volumes.

A nice couple of digs from the same people saying if there is no contact with an adult child that's enough to steer clear. Its like a vulture sitting on a branch waiting for prey, but at least vultures can be useful..
Everyone has boundaries.

Allsorts

A nice couple of digs from the same people saying if there is no contact with an adult child that's enough to steer clear. Its like a vulture sitting on a branch waiting for prey, but at least vultures can be useful..
Everyone has boundaries.

Unacceptable comment

I have every sympathy for EPs, I've been there myself in the past BUT in this situation her children IMO had very little choice than to go NC. They tried for many many years to help this poor woman. But as with myself in the end we all have to protect our mental health.

This thread isn't about estrangement, please don't try to once again turn it yet another pointless argument about estrangement, we've heard it all before, sadly

LaCrepescule

I don’t even know why you’re asking the question - don’t you have boundaries?
She’s utterly toxic, her children going NC speaks volumes.

I guess because her children had gone NC and she'd suffered a horrendous bereavement I had such sympathy for her. As years went by alarm bells began to ring about her "health issues". It's hard to turn your back on a friend with mental health issues but in the end we have to protect our own mental health

Thank you for your reply

Allsorts

A nice couple of digs from the same people saying if there is no contact with an adult child that's enough to steer clear. Its like a vulture sitting on a branch waiting for prey, but at least vultures can be useful..
Everyone has boundaries.

I don't think posters who spoke about no contact with her children are like vultures, as I stated in my post, it is a red flag because of everything else she does. She lies, and is very attention seeking.
I personally could not deal with someone like that as it would have a affect on me.

Esmay

When I was a teenager we had a neighbour
, who lived in a fantasy world .
She told us the most amazing lies .
She went through a period of having a heavily bandaged arm ,which she didn't use
She said that she had bone cancer and it was a matter of time before it would be amputated .
Five years on and it was still there.
Then she said that she had brain tumour .
She also used to shop lift -her four year child told us .
When her daughter had her first hair cut Buckingham Palace were alerted to collect the hair for a wig for Princess Anne despite it being a different colour .
When the little girl started violin lessons at school-the council lent her a Stradivarious as she was so gifted .
Her husband finally told us that the illnesses were all fantasies .
She used to cheat on him .

Oh my word, the poor husband
How did he cope?

Ziggy -
The husband was very quiet .
It must have been a constant strain on him .
Eventually we got fed up listening to the nonsense .
You'd expect her to be exotic and flamboyant in her dress ,but actually she was dowdy .
Their house was immaculate.

Many years ago a friend of my sister pulled a similar stunt fooling a lot of people not only into believing she had cancer but accumulating a considerable amount of money on a Gofundme. She was very plausible, shaved her head and nobody suspected at first that her trips to the hospital for treatment were anything other than genuine,

However, some red flags were raised and she was eventually prosecuted for fraud.

My sister was very upset to have been taken in by this person as she herself was suffering from the breast cancer which killed her after six years of illness.

i always charitably think that people who make up stories are basically insecure about their circumstances but saying about cancer is a step too far. I would say you have tried enough with your friend time to step away

It looks like your friend was set up by her mother as a child to believe she was better than others.. I wonder if her fantasies are her trying to remain special and different in order to gain attention.. unfortunately for her most people realise that we are all pretty much the same.. and we don't like liars..

pascal30

It looks like your friend was set up by her mother as a child to believe she was better than others.. I wonder if her fantasies are her trying to remain special and different in order to gain attention.. unfortunately for her most people realise that we are all pretty much the same.. and we don't like liars..

Yes, you're right there. She always looked down on our class mates who lived in council houses.
When we had a school reunion in our 30s she still chose not to socialise with the same girls.
Strange behaviour

Bellasnana

Many years ago a friend of my sister pulled a similar stunt fooling a lot of people not only into believing she had cancer but accumulating a considerable amount of money on a Gofundme. She was very plausible, shaved her head and nobody suspected at first that her trips to the hospital for treatment were anything other than genuine,

However, some red flags were raised and she was eventually prosecuted for fraud.

My sister was very upset to have been taken in by this person as she herself was suffering from the breast cancer which killed her after six years of illness.

That's so sad

Internet relationships seem to have the power to convince us that we effectively live next door to each other and can't get away from persistent people. That's possibly why so many otherwise intelligent people get sucked into social-media cons. Ziggie, I do understand isolation - I really do (been there, done that, still wearing the damnable T-shirt). But the thing is, with a person who's known to be a fantasist and a liar, isolation from her is just what you need. You live far enough apart to keep the friendship cool or, alternatively, to stop it completely. There are plenty of other, more genuine, people out here; you don't need to sit where you are and put up with this unhappy situation.

I've totally ended the friendship.
We've known each other since we were children, although we haven't lived close since becoming adults..

I think I just felt sorry for her due to an awful bereavement a few years ago and I think she played on that.

I don't really have any friends here. My best friend died over 20 years ago and another dear friend died last year after coping with dementia for almost 10 years ( so really I lost her before her death). I've learnt to live without friendship now. I miss having someone to chat to over the phone or meet for coffee but I'd rather be alone than have fake friendships

Thank you for your reply xx

You are not 'cancer free' until five years have passed since treatment. I don't know all the circumstances but if I discovered a friend had lied to me about having cancer, that would be it. If they lie about something as serious as this, what else would they lie about? How could you ever trust what they tell you?

She messaged me in October to say she had been diagnosed saying it was picked up during a post check up from previous cervical cancer, supposedly had op few weeks later,then posted on Facebook that she was expecting 6 months of chemotherapy.
Then week before Christmas was suddenly given all clear after a scan
All very unlikely