I can’t stop thinking about

We've not bought each other presents for years (in our 70s).
Hurt at first but used to it now. We don't need or want anything

Blimey!
That's unnecessarily harsh.

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Nanicky

Go and treat yourself to something really nice, and enjoy. Ask him for money for next present, and spend it when you want to. I always have the money, never disappointed then. 😊

I understand how you were disappointed when you didn’t have a present to open and I think your DH should have bought you something you could open in front of everyone. I bet no one noticed except you.

A box of chocolates, a book or two like my DH got me because he couldn’t think of anything else. A bottle of gin, a pair of gloves just something, anything.

Next Christmas ask him for a big fat cheque. I got one with the books but not that fat.

Let it go or let him know why you are/were so upset, poor man has suffered enough.

Quizzer

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.
However, at my son’s last Christmas, everyone was opening presents from their partners when I realised that I had nothing from DH.
Later he said “well, you said there was nothing you particularly wanted”. How could he not even buy chocolates or something? By the way he doesn’t buy, or get involved with presents for anyone else. We are not hard up. He doesn’t me begrudge spending money on family presents but says I am too fussy.

Every time gifts are mentioned by anyone I just feel like crying and he seems totally unaware that I am upset.

Well tell him then! I don’t pussyfoot around my husband over gifts. If there is something I would like I tell him straight that I would like it for my birthday or Xmas. He does the same for me. If I say there is nothing I want then he won’t bother or he might pick up a bunch of flowers. Men are not mind readers no matter how long you are married. They just need you to explain what it is you want or need.

The opening sentence says it all really.

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.

I see on the other thread started 30 December 2024, OP wrote:

My DH has always been useless at presents. Even when he asked me to specify exactly what I would like, he would buy something similar but not quite the same, usually cheaper.

Poor bloke is probably terrified of not getting it right so this year he did nothing.

I suspect had he bought a box of chocolates, it would probably have been the “wrong” kind.

I agree with Bluebelle. Some people do take things literally. No wonder people who are neurodiverse find it hard to navigate the world when people don’t say what they really mean.

Some good advice here - he does not see it in the way you do, and he did not mean to hurt you, just could not see the point of giving something you did not really want. For you a gift has a different meaning - it means he thought of you and wanted to make you happy. But it does not mean that to him. I guess he wants to be a good husband and this is causing you unnecessary pain - so if you can accept that he did not mean to hurt you, and let it go, you and he will both be happier.

You told me you didn't want anything in particular. Next time tell him exactly what you want. Why are you cross?

The fact that you are posting about this again shows this is something that is just not going away. For that reason, it sounds like you need some help. Speak to your Dr or refer yourself for counselling so you can find out the route of the problem.

Secondly you are doing what a lot of us do and wonder why a man can't see it for themselves. Your husband isn't psychic so he won't know that you are upset unless you tell him. Even if he realises you are upset, he may be keeping quiet and hoping it will just go away. I doubt he will still be thinking you are upset about a Christmas present!

Hubby and I don't buy each other anything for Christmas. We have a day together in January shopping in the sales and buying each other whatever we want. We also buy anything for our home we need. We have lunch and make a day if it.

DH and I don't buy each other presents. We can't think of any suitable and tend to buy what we want all year. It's suits us well.

As Marydol suggests, possibly there are other issues within the OP's marriage.
Otherwise, I'd say that the OP is looking for attention by once again asking the same question which was extensively answered previously.

Jaxjacky

You posted this on 30th December and had a lot of sympathetic replies, I’m not sure what you’re asking?

Me neither.
I remember you posting before.

One year in particular I was disappointed that OH didn't make a slightly better effort for a Christmas present for me, even though I had told him what I'd like. After that, I suggested we join with our adult children in not-secret Santa draw. That way each of us gets one present at least!
We also don't buy each other birthday presents any more - no expectations means no disappointment!

I agree, let it go, it’s February for goodness sake, how long does this poor man have to suffer?

Georgesgran

As the OP has an older thread on the same subject, it must be taking over her life - such a waste of time.

Let it go. Grow up and move on.

I wonder if there are other issues in he marriage.

As the OP has an older thread on the same subject, it must be taking over her life - such a waste of time.

Let it go. Grow up and move on.

My now ex didn’t buy me flowers (or anything) when our son was born either Fran. I will never forget the disappointment.

The OP must know by now that her husband is useless at buying presents, not unusual in my experience, so the way to go is either give him the clearest possible instructions or buy it yourself and hand it to him for wrapping. Saying there’s nothing you really want is a recipe for getting nothing.

This brought back memories of when I had our first baby (1969). Very much wanted and planned, but money was in shot supply as I was to be a stay at home Mum,
My parents bought us a lovely pram, and in the shop there was matching pram bag which hooked onto the bottom of this (under the handle), but cost two pounds.
So, I told hubbie, NOT to buy me flowers when baby is born but to get that bag.
Come the birth - those days we had to stay in hospital/maternity home for ten days with first baby - five bed ward, all but one were first time babies. Come visiting time, hubbies all appear with flowers - mine just telling me he had got the bag and could not understand that I had still expected him to get me some flowers!!!!! I was so upset.

Oh for goodness sake, most, not all men are hopeless with gifts, I told my husband many years ago not to get me anything, because frankly, he didn’t seem to have any idea what I might like.
If I want something, I buy it, I just can’t see what all the fuss is about.

Elowen33

You have said he his not good at presents so give him a list to choose from, I doubt he will change now.

Completely agree!
Write him a list and let him choose from that.......if he is anything like MrA he will buy everything just to be on the safe side.
And for what it's worth, there are worse things in life............just saying.

This present business!

How many of us want, or need, most of the ones we are given, either by DH or anyone else?

My DH and I stopped buying for each other many years ago, absolutely pointless.

If he gave me a box of chocolates at Christmas, I would think what a waste.

We are not 5 years old.

You re really dragging this out second thread about it just get over it it’s really not a crime
Why on earth should it worry you nearly two months on You told him you wanted nothing and you got what you asked for
Next time when he asks say well I can’t think of anything particular but I ll always accept flowers, chocolates or a bottle or two😀
Men can sometimes take things much more literally so if you asked for nothing that’s what you got
Let it go and get on with your life he doesn’t sound a bad husband just doesn’t think out the box …normal for many

Help him out rather than criticise he asked you and it wasn’t very helpful of you to say there was nothing you wanted!

It would never occur to me NOT to buy my wife a birthday or Christmas present. The older we get, the more we rely on asking each other what we would like, but we still wrap it and hand it over, with a card on birthdays.