Boarding school

Thanks for this. It’s so thoughtless it deliberately provocative and unkind to accuse women (and it’s always the mothers) who work as somehow being less than stay at home mothers
I worked from choice as well as necessity. I was lucky in sharing bringing up our children with their father. I wouldn’t have wanted them at boarding school
Their cousins were at boarding school from age 11. They loved it and thrived socially and academically
Most parents love their children and do the very best they can for them
Judge not when choices are different than yours -

I dreamed of boarding school but it had to be in the Austrian Alps and in a chalet. No guesses as to my favourite books!

Me too Grandmabatty Sadly it wasn’t ever an option.

I think I did once, based on the idealised version as described by Enid Blyton in her Mallory Towers books, midnight feasts in the dorm and all that.

Having said that the idea of boarding at anything like the convent school I went to, would be the stuff of nightmares, the nuns that taught us were bad enough as day teachers (I use the word teacher loosely) spiteful, full of hang ups, prejudices and generally weird notions. From everything I read about religious boarding schools of yesteryear they sounded awful and some adults talk about their lives having been blighted by such experiences, and those testaments have come from some of the top ones such as Ampleforth.

Nearby me is a boarding school who have thrown open their sporting facilities to the general public if you join as a member, which I have, 25 metre pool, gym, squash courts, indoor gymnasiums for numerous classes, yoga, pilates etc. . The pupils have their own changing rooms, but members often see them come and go they wear a distinctive uniform from a bygone age. They recently asked them I believe, if they wanted to ditch this strange garb, but they didn't. They look happy or rather they don't look unhappy. The pupil intake is very ethnically diverse and the school is known for its charitable ethos it gives out loads of bursaries and scholarships. It appears to be an amazing place composed of umpteen red brick buildings with spires all over the place, my grandchildren, when I've taken them swimming there predictably call it Hogwarts There is also a sign as we drive in which says "Dead slow children crossing" which sends them into fits of laughter. It's a drive round country lanes to get there, being surrounded by acres of land and playing fields.

Our nephews and nieces loved being at boarding school. Their parents quite like it- they grand and great grand parents hated it and never quite emotionally recovered.

I would have never sent mine to boarding school unless there was absolutely NO other choice. I worked for one for quite a few years, and it was brilliantly run- but secondary and 6th Form only. Most of the students loved it.

ViceVersa

Barleyfields

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

I had to work full time, I had no option . Obviously you did. Lucky you. My child was never ‘just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned’. What a horrible thing to say, and most upsetting to those of us who had a much wanted and much loved child but didn’t have your obvious financial advantage.

Totally agree. That's a very judgemental post. Both of children went to nursery full time when they were three months old, because I had to work. That doesn't mean they weren't loved or wanted. Some women have to work, others choose to do so. Not everyone wants to be a full time stay-at-home mother - thankfully, these days, we have the choice.

What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself?

A very dismissive and judgemental attitude to take against all those millions of parents who cannot afford to live on one income.

They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned

No, they really don't.

I don't understand why people have children if the know they'll be sending them to boarding school.
I have cousins that went away to school for a better education, I'm glad I didn't have to go .
Not every child is the same, some will thrive being a boarder at school but it could be disastrous for others .

My late husband taught in a boys’ boarding school, which later became co-ed and a day school. I think it was a happier place after the change. The boarding years were very spartan and corporal punishment was used for quite trivial offences. Most of the boarders were children of parents in the armed forces, or overseas workers. Some were from families in very difficult circumstances and were on bursaries.
Not all boarding schools are like Eton- or Malory Towers!

My parents were going to send me to boarding school if I didn’t get into the day school of their choice. Luckily I did, but I was quite happy at the thought of going away to school. I wonder what I’d have thought if I’d actually gone. I still think I’d have liked it.

Nanato3

I don't understand why people have children if the know they'll be sending them to boarding school.
I have cousins that went away to school for a better education, I'm glad I didn't have to go .
Not every child is the same, some will thrive being a boarder at school but it could be disastrous for others .

Did you actually read through this thread? Several posters have given a range of explanations as to why people may choose to send their children to boarding school? It certainly doesn't mean that child was unwanted or unloved.

DH loved his time at boarding school.

My late husband was from a Diplomat family and both he and his sister were sent over to Haileybury and Cheltenham Ladies college and then sent to boarding holiday places during the holidays except for the summer one. I think they just had to toughen up and in my husband's case he suffered quite a lot.. but managed as he was both very bright and he played rugby..

Yes I have read the thread . My point is the parents had the choice of changing their job but didn't, they sent the children away instead . They did have a choice .

A choice which would have meant loss of employment, in the case of people employed in the armed or diplomatic services Nanato3? You really have no idea. We rely on our armed forces and people in the diplomatic service for the security of our country. Do you not understand that, and the sacrifices which those people have to make? I think not.

Nanato3

Yes I have read the thread . My point is the parents had the choice of changing their job but didn't, they sent the children away instead . They did have a choice .

Oh, so easy to change any old job!
But not so easy to change a career.
they sent the children away instead
You make it sound as if they sent their children away and never bothered with them again. Of course they cared about them, wanted the best for them and spent time with them every school holiday.

Well said, Barleyfields.

Cabbie21

My late husband taught in a boys’ boarding school, which later became co-ed and a day school. I think it was a happier place after the change. The boarding years were very spartan and corporal punishment was used for quite trivial offences. Most of the boarders were children of parents in the armed forces, or overseas workers. Some were from families in very difficult circumstances and were on bursaries.
Not all boarding schools are like Eton- or Malory Towers!

This is true and some will be much better than others, like all schools.
Boarding schools today will be wonderful compared with how some were run in the past I expect.
It depends on the child doesn’t it, if they are sensitive and need to live at home then a day school will be best.Others will thrive as a boarder.
It also depends on what the parents lifestyle is like and how much they travel in their jobs, or are military.

My late DH was a house master in a boys’ school, mixed day and boarding, in the late 60s/early 70s. Our fifty boys came from a wide range of backgrounds - parents in the services, diplomatic service, oil industry, farming in remote areas - and I soon recognised that while it suited many it was torture for some boys who were very unhappy. So later on when DH was one of HMI of schools we chose not to leave our son behind as a sixth form boarder but took him with us. He would have been quite happy to board but we would not have known him as he would have kept his two lives quite separate.

Today’s boarding schools are very different places but most parents try to do the best they can by their children, often at great financial sacrifice.

I was a forces child. After 13 primary schools with no national curriculum I was sent in 1966 to an all girls boarding school at the age of 11. The education provided was dreadful and I came away with 4 poor O levels and an expulsion for being very naughty. Believe me, you had to be extremely naughty to be expelled from this school as they were desperate for the money. On the plus side we had our own riding stables and fabulous grounds and outdoor sports fields. We swam in our knitted swimsuits which got waterlogged and fell down. We had strict uniforms for different times of the day including gold coloured best dresses and gold pumps for dance lessons and prize giving. We had a matron who peered up our dresses to make sure that we were wearing regulation white knickers, then thicker brown knickers over the top. Then according to the outfit we had a matching pair of shirts all under a dress. In order to get a “ rest slip” if we had our period and wanted to avoid afternoon sports we had to prove that we were on our period by showing the matron the doings. We had enforced silence after lights out. If our parents lived abroad, which mine did, you went to a host family for the twice termly visiting weekends. We had universal aunts who put us on trains and I travelled worldwide as an unaccompanied minor. I would regularly travel by train alone at the age of 13 across Germany, get in the ferry and arrive in London on my own. We had “weekly marks” and had to move our desks into the order of highest to lowest every week so that any teacher coming into the room could immediately see who was the cleverest and the least clever. This scared me for life.
Us forces children were the bottom of the social heap. Our fees were paid and we didn’t have wealthy parents who took their children skiing etc. we didn’t have tuck boxes from Fortnum & Mason etc. mine came from Woolworths.
I left in 1972. The burned down not many years later.
The best part is that there is a group of about 10 of us from my year, there were only 20 in each year divided into “form & parallel “ who have all kept in touch. We are spread across the world but keep in touch daily on WhatsApp. We try to meet once a year and we would all go to the ends of the world for each other.
If any other gransnetters recognise this school, please do PM me !

Sorry, a few typos.
Shirts = shirts
Get on the ferry

Whoops “shorts”

I went to boarding school and loved it most of the time. Catholic nuns ran it, and I loved it apart from spending too much time in the church. Games seven days a week, bliss.

I was beaten and hammered half to death at home, so I felt safe at boarding school.

I was an only child, and I never had the courage as an adult to ask why they had me because I spent my days feeling terrified, and I rarely did anything wrong.

I think there's a big difference between going to boarding school at 11 or 12 and 7, the age my OH was sent. He claims to have enjoyed it, but admits to it affecting his relationship with his parents, as the school was far away, so he was there for 9 months of the year.

I don't recognise your school MissChateline but indo recognise some of the situations.
My DB (A Forces child) had been to seven schools by the age of nine, apparently. Then my parents bought a house and DM stayed put so that DB could go to a local Grammar School.
Uniform was really strict at my girls' day school too.
DH , who went to boarding school, travelled to and fro by train by himself from the age of about 8.

Allira

Nanato3

Yes I have read the thread . My point is the parents had the choice of changing their job but didn't, they sent the children away instead . They did have a choice .

Oh, so easy to change any old job!
But not so easy to change a career.
they sent the children away instead
You make it sound as if they sent their children away and never bothered with them again. Of course they cared about them, wanted the best for them and spent time with them every school holiday.

Well said, Barleyfields.

With the relatives in my generation who were sent to Boarding school, often from abroad and at the age of 5 - the mother's didn't work and it was a social class choice. Other children went home for week-ends, or one week-end a month, and for half-terms as well as Christmas, Easter and summer hols. But they didn't as it was too far, and they had to spend such holidays as guests with teachers' families. It was tough, VERY tough- and the emotional baggage remained to the end of their days.

For the next generation- the same mothers did not work- so they could have easily stayed home- but it was a social expectation.

Thinking of it- same for our GCs generation- mothers didn't work either, but had a very busy sport and social life- but children came home at week-ends, end of Saturday morning and till Sunday late afternoon. Social expectations too.

Parents had the choice of changing their job.

What sort of world do you live in. It sounds ever so cosy and I am sure so many people stuck in jobs they hate would give their eye teeth to live in it. Let alone those needing to send their children to boarding school.