Boarding school

In some case they did, in others they didn't quite so easily. But at the end of the day, it was a choice- to earn less, do with less, and have a different life- that is true.

I went to 8 primary schools and went to barding school at 11. My experience was far better than MissChatelaines.

My school was a convent grammar school in a big town. The education I got there was excellent. I passed all my O levels, then got 3 A levels and was accepted by my first choice university. This in 1961 when only about 6-7,000 girls went to university each year.

Most of the girls at the school were daygirls and almost all were there because they had passed the 11plus. I do not remember any pecking order, we all came from similar homes. I do not think anyone ever had a tuckbox, but there was a very limited tuckshop where we could buy sweets. We did fly to exotic places in the summer holidays, but that was because our parents lived there.

I do not think boarding school in anyway placed a gulf between me and my parents, I was the same person at home and at a school, and we remained a close family all my parents lives. My parents put a lot of effort in keeping in contact, each writing to my sister and I every week without fail, and when my father was posted abroad, they did everything they could to make sure we were happy living with our grandparents, but it wasn't just my grandparents, both families rallied round us to make up for the absence of our parents, aunts and uncles, we were both loved and nurtured by the extended family.

Barleyfields

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

I had to work full time, I had no option . Obviously you did. Lucky you. My child was never ‘just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned’. What a horrible thing to say, and most upsetting to those of us who had a much wanted and much loved child but didn’t have your obvious financial advantage.

Don't rise to it, Barleyfields. It's a cruel attempt to be hurtful, so pay no attention. You clearly showed your children by example that people should stand on their own two feet, and I'm sure they will be proud of you for what you did for them.

I went to boarding school when I was 12, Dad was in the army and we were in Germany. Dreaded it at first but soon settled and made many good friends.Of course I missed my parents and they missed me,but they visited and I went home for all the holidays. And yes we had midnight feasts!

DH went to well known boarding school and hated every second!

I loved Mallory Towers, St Clares (is that right?) and the Katy books, and would have loved to go to boarding school in theory. There was no way it was ever going to happen though, so I was safe to think I wanted it, and that it would be like the books.

M0nica

^Parents had the choice of changing their job.^

What sort of world do you live in. It sounds ever so cosy and I am sure so many people stuck in jobs they hate would give their eye teeth to live in it. Let alone those needing to send their children to boarding school.

The parents weren't stuck in jobs they hated , the had careers !
I'm just making my opinion like everyone else . I don't pick on others for having a different opinion to me.
It's all unimportant now anyway, not worth the aggro .

Thank you Doodledog. I much appreciate your kind words. Yes, my child is proud of what I did, understands there was no choice and we have always had a close and loving relationship. He is, and will always be, my greatest achievement in this life.

Cabbie21

My late husband taught in a boys’ boarding school, which later became co-ed and a day school. I think it was a happier place after the change. The boarding years were very spartan and corporal punishment was used for quite trivial offences. Most of the boarders were children of parents in the armed forces, or overseas workers. Some were from families in very difficult circumstances and were on bursaries.
Not all boarding schools are like Eton- or Malory Towers!

Some were from families in very difficult circumstances and were on bursaries.

I was one such - on a bursary.

And the school your late husband taught in fits exactly the description of the boarding school I attended! It became co-ed in the early 50s, and I was among the first intake of girls.

Yes, there was corporal punishment - but not for us girls.

I loved every minute of it though and, if I could go back in time to experience it all again, I would.

I wouldn’t have and didn’t send mine to boarding school and I wouldn’t have married a man who’s career made such a thing a necessary. If careers had meant we had to travel the world we would have , Never in a thousand years would I have considered it. I had children because I wanted to be with them and raise them as much as I could in the time I had I’ve never for a moment understood how or why anyone would choose to use boarding schools. Nannies and other things for daytime care i understand though never used it myself. But to have ones children actually live elsewhere is so terribly sad to me.

When my dad was killed in an accident, mum was left to bring up 3 very small children, the youngest 2 months old.

She had no family alive and was living in a country, his country, where she had not had time to make friends. After a few years she decided to bring us to England where she had been to university and she found a job.

Working full time she had to find childcare. At age 9 my DB was sent to that school in the Sussex countryside where they still wear mediaeval dress! The fees were scaled in favour of widows and poor Clergy.

My DB wasn't happy there. It didn't suit him and he ran away several times.
I have kept our letters from his time there.
He never told mum how bad it was. She thought she had made the right decision especially as he did well academically.

Later on, for different reasons, my sister and I both went away to school. It was a girls' school and we joined in the 6th form so it was like a college for us. I loved it and still see several friends from my time there.

I considered sending one of our boys to the boys' school (the brother school of mine) because he was not happy at his huge comprehensive school, but neither he nor DH wanted that so he moved to another, smaller school to escape the bullies.

I felt lucky going off to boarding school aged 11. A cousin and children of family friends were there and I couldn’t wait to join them. I was an only child of busy professional parents whose love I never doubted. I loved my time there and made lifelong friends I still have contact with.

We were a service family. No choice but to send DS to board at 11 or neither DH nor I would have considered it. He was a gregarious, energetic boy who loved sports so, for the most part, he enjoyed it. He spent half terms with my sister and her boys and enjoyed that too, and came to us for the long summer holiday and Christmas. He became a confident traveller. It can’t have been that bad because for some years afterwards he went to school reunions to meet up with old friends.
I still have ex-service friends I am in touch with and we have discussed this from time to time. We all agree that sending our children away to board was the hardest thing we had to do, but all of those children are decent, well-rounded individuals and weren’t scarred by the experience.

Grams2five

I wouldn’t have and didn’t send mine to boarding school and I wouldn’t have married a man who’s career made such a thing a necessary. If careers had meant we had to travel the world we would have , Never in a thousand years would I have considered it. I had children because I wanted to be with them and raise them as much as I could in the time I had I’ve never for a moment understood how or why anyone would choose to use boarding schools. Nannies and other things for daytime care i understand though never used it myself. But to have ones children actually live elsewhere is so terribly sad to me.

I didn't realise people chose a spouse based on that person's career choices...

People choose their spouse for all sorts of reasons, I would have been unlikely to choose a spouse who was the lead singer of a rock band for example, if early in a relationship I realised that someones job meant moving around the country all the time I probably would have opted out, it is just not the type of person I am, it is fine for people to be different.

Unfortunately Grams2five life doesn't always work out the way we would like it to.
And fortunately some people are more understanding of their fellow humans than you seem to be.
There were certainly people who thought my mother should have accepted her life as a poor widow and accepted charity towards our upbringing.
there was no widow's pension back then
Instead, she found a new country, a job and went back to university to get another degree to improve her status and earning ability.
All of her DC admire her for what she achieved even though we may not have had the easiest start and she was never the "motherly" type.

Grams2five

I wouldn’t have and didn’t send mine to boarding school and I wouldn’t have married a man who’s career made such a thing a necessary. If careers had meant we had to travel the world we would have , Never in a thousand years would I have considered it. I had children because I wanted to be with them and raise them as much as I could in the time I had I’ve never for a moment understood how or why anyone would choose to use boarding schools. Nannies and other things for daytime care i understand though never used it myself. But to have ones children actually live elsewhere is so terribly sad to me.

Judgmental post.

I'd not have wanted to send any of mine to a boarding school, however they all went to day school with boarders, I did as well. Clearly most parents choose what they feel is best for their much loved children.

A peripatetic life wouldn't suit me as I'm extremely introverted plus shy. I feel fortunate we've never moved house. I suppose some must.

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

There was a recent thread about boarding schools. We live in East Anglia, near RAF Lakenheath - they've a school for the American children. I wondered then, still wonder now why British forces don't have schools.

Galaxy

People choose their spouse for all sorts of reasons, I would have been unlikely to choose a spouse who was the lead singer of a rock band for example, if early in a relationship I realised that someones job meant moving around the country all the time I probably would have opted out, it is just not the type of person I am, it is fine for people to be different.

I agree.

A peripatetic life is not a choice I'd make, some would - we're all different.

still wonder now why British forces don't have schools.

They do. Me and my brothers all went to RAF and Army schools in Germany and Singapore.

I think we tend to hear on the media but also from "survivors" of the bad experiences that some people have had.
Good news doesn't sell .

There must be many who have thoroughly enjoyed their time at boarding school.

A cousin of ours is a teacher at a very famous boarding/ Public school. It, like others has had a bad press from time to time. However it has changed with the times and is as happier a place as any.
Terms are relatively short, holidays are frequent, instant communication is available now and would that more children could enjoy the kind of life those girls and boys have.

Norah

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

Maybe because for some it can be more complicated than simply swapping one job for another?

Dickens

Norah

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

Maybe because for some it can be more complicated than simply swapping one job for another?

I merely said I don't understand.

My husband never faced job swap complication. Quite lucky, really.

I can never, ever understand why anyone puts work or career before their children. If you have them you should look after them. I did and we were poor but happy.

Norah

Dickens

Norah

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

Maybe because for some it can be more complicated than simply swapping one job for another?

I merely said I don't understand.

My husband never faced job swap complication. Quite lucky, really.

I merely said I don't understand

And I simply gave you a possible reason why for some - though clearly not for you - it's not always easy to just change jobs.