Inconsiderate

Oh, have had shingles a few times and the pain is awful. Years ago, there wasn't the cream the doc gives you, and am scarred down my neck. Hate to say this, but you should expect some consideration in the family as this illness takes some weeks - even months to clear. I would make sure your other half knows what you are going through.

woodenspoon

I’m worried about this lady. We all know what we would do, what she should do…..but we don’t know much more than what she’s told us. If she does make a stand what would be his reaction? Violence? To become that downtrodden after so many years means there’s a bit more to know I think. Hope she’s in no danger.

Sadly, I agree. We don’t know how her husband will react.

If you can afford it and have access to funds, book yourself into a nice local hotel for a few days and recuperate and let your husband entertain his friend in whichever way he feels fit.

I wish you a speedy recovery and when you are full fit again think very carefully about your future plans.

Good luck

Has your DH considered that his friend may not have had chicken pox??? As I understand it, you can't catch shingles from someone with shingles but you can catch chicken pox from a person with shingles if you haven't had it before.
I would tell your DH that you're not well enough to prepare a meal for his friends so he'll have to make other arrangements. If friends still visit your home I would make a brief appearance, explain that you're not at all well, sorry to miss the visit but you need to go back to bed especially in case you risk infecting them with chicken pox.

You have an entitled selfish husband! What a bully to force you upstairs in your own home whilst he entertains! Hope you better soon and can stand up to his selfish unempathic behaviour.

Stay in a hotel for the night. This is extraordinary treatment. I guess you have already put up with similar attitude for years. Its time to make a stand and take charge of looking after yourself.

his friends he should be feeding them
lie on the sofa pillows and blanket cough a lot groan even more
might get the message all of them

Lyn57

Thank you for the advice , yes two of his friends turned up but I didn’t cook , I just came down politely said, hello, I won’t come in as I have shingles so I’m keeping out of the way then left them to it. Once I’m better will tackle this issue, Thank you.

Perhaps when you're well you could tell your husband all future cooking will be divided, half done by you and half by him? Reasonable as I assume he has hands with which to cook meals?

Men can cook - they eat just as women do.

Cooking is not "wife work" rather cooking is just a necessity - and everyone should share in necessity work, imo.

Hope you feel better soon Lyn57
Shingles is just miserable and can make you feel really ill.

Thank you for the advice , yes two of his friends turned up but I didn’t cook , I just came down politely said, hello, I won’t come in as I have shingles so I’m keeping out of the way then left them to it. Once I’m better will tackle this issue, Thank you.

Is anyone else wondering how Lyn57 is today? I do hope she drops by to update us on her recovery - and the other problem too.

mum2three

Get yourself established on the settee, wrapped up in a blanket. At your side have a trolley with drink, box of chocolates etc. When this friend arrives say 'Lovely to see you....sorry I'm unwell but hubby will see to you'.

Perfect response!

Allira

Excellent suggestions on here.

Smile, say how lovely it is to see him, sorry but you won't give him a hug as you feel so ill (ask if he's had chickenpox btw, as you can catch chickenpox from shingles).

Sink into a comfy chair in the sitting room and settle down there. It is your house too.

I'm sure the friend will soon suggest he and your OH go out to the pub.

Excellent suggestion.

Then while your DH is forced to take his friend out, start getting your affairs in order, you cannot stay living as this man's house maid for the rest of your life. If you want suggestions as to what to do next, visit Mumsnet!

I hope you start recovering from this horrible illness soon. Oh, and don't cook anymore meals for the selfish old sod.

Yes agree with others, get your husband to do everything, it's absolutely his call don't feel guilty. You're recovering from what I understand is something quite nasty. How your husband entertains his mate is up to him, don't get involved in any way.

I would say 'inconsiderate' is too gentle a word for this sort of bullying.

It's your H's friend, so H does the welcoming/entertaining/drinks/food [home or away] anyway even if you are well. You are entitled to look after your own needs in your own home when unwell and vulnerable.

You are not staff. he should be caring for you and being attentive, thoughtful and making sure you are as comfortable as you can be because of your health issues. And take his friend out for lunch or whatever, leaving you in peace. Sod what the other bloke wants, he doesn't dictate your life/peace.

I'd think about your next step going forward with this man when you feel better. He certainly isn't in the marriage to care for you in sickness and in health. [Unless it's his own I suspect].

Get yourself established on the settee, wrapped up in a blanket. At your side have a trolley with drink, box of chocolates etc. When this friend arrives say 'Lovely to see you....sorry I'm unwell but hubby will see to you'.

It’s not about showing who is boss weirdo. It’s about this lady resting and recovering from what is a very painful condition. I know, I’ve had it. Maybe resting in her room might be a good idea. Keeps her out of the way and she won’t have to do the entertaining. I hope she’s comes back on and tells us the outcome.

I hope your hubby gets face shingles so he knows how it feels! What a totally selfish inconsiderate ignoramus he is!

Telling you to stay/go upstairs ... in your own home!

DON'T do ANYTHING for them, not even offer a glass of water, hubby can cater for his friend or take him to a pizza place, whatever, just totally ignore them, come down stairs, grab a cuppa, hover around, do whatever you want but you're a wife, not a unpaid domesticated slave!

Show them who is BOSS!

I’m worried about this lady. We all know what we would do, what she should do…..but we don’t know much more than what she’s told us. If she does make a stand what would be his reaction? Violence? To become that downtrodden after so many years means there’s a bit more to know I think. Hope she’s in no danger.

Could the friend not call at the house briefly and then your husband take him out to a cafe or pub for something to eat. He could explain that you are ill and contagious.

IMO, now is not the time for you to make a stand - as you are feeling unwell. Maybe when you are feeling better you could have a serious conversation with him.

Excellent suggestions on here.

Smile, say how lovely it is to see him, sorry but you won't give him a hug as you feel so ill (ask if he's had chickenpox btw, as you can catch chickenpox from shingles).

Sink into a comfy chair in the sitting room and settle down there. It is your house too.

I'm sure the friend will soon suggest he and your OH go out to the pub.

What a horrible uncaring, selfish man you are married to.. I would categorically tell him that you will not be catering and that you are still contagious.. and then use your home as you wish.. If he chooses to continue with his plan he can work around you..

I'd say hello to the friends when they arrive and say how brave they must be to come into a house where there is shingles as it's very contagious!

How would DH react if he were ill with shingles and you said you were having a friend round, that he did not know well, and you expected him to prepare a meal for them?

I personally would retreat to my room with a good book and only come downstairs if I wanted a drink or snack from the kitchen.

This is entirely DH's problem not yours.

Take care. I hope you feel better soon.

Shingles on your face is very painful as agnurse they can effect your optical nerve.