Childcare and Storage.

Our Christmas decorations are stored in large plastic boxes in the loft - and we have very few 'accumulations and sentiments' anyway so they are easily kept safe.
Our spare room is simply ' a spare room' with a bed for anyone that needs it (occasionally one of us if we want some quiet time).
I do think your SIL is being controlling and harsh though by saying you 'can't go to their house until you sort out your own'. Sounds a bit of a prat to me!

I have a high shelf almost out of sight in my downstairs loo and 2 big plastic tubs go up there
Sounds horrible how they are blackmailing you though that’s not on is it ?

Not sure why you have allowed your SIL to blackmail you in this way? If they are hoping you’ll look after their child it should be mutually agreed how this works. Threatening to withdraw visits to your grandchild if you don’t do what he wants is not acceptable. It might be the first but certainly won’t be the last time he does this. You absolutely do have an option.

X-post @BlueBelle!

Thankyou Astitchintime for your reply-
we did keep our decorations etc in the loft , until we got some damp problems from the roof which needs sorting out and is quite costly at the moment.

Christmas stuff is in the loft 😁

I would have said no.
I don't understand why helping out occasionally involves a room for the purpose?
Do you have a sitting room?

We look after our grandchildren as required but I would not be clearing out rooms for them to just play in.

I think your daughter and son in law are making assumptions about you and childcare.
Please tell them now that you will do occasional days and emergencies but not regular childcare. If they don't bring childcare up I think you must!

Gransnetters (and my friends) are often doing more childcare than they want to do. Some are constantly exhausted.
Better to offer "too little" initially and increase it later (if you find it easy) than to cut back later!

I agree with BlueBell and argymargy don’t let this person blackmail your because it won’t stop there. It sounds like you have already given in to his bullying behaviour. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Thankyou BlueBelle and argymargy
I agree about my SIL, he is older than she is and already has 3 children from another marriage . My daughter was upset with him for not allowing us to visit and so she has asked if I would like to go to playgym this week which I will and I will see my Grandson there.

We use big plastic storage boxes in the garage for Christmas Decorations. I’m a in agreement with argymargy your SIL seems to be bullying you. When very little our DGC played in safety in the sitting room and dining room. Why would they go into a spare bedroom? If they napped it was in a travel cot where we could see them.

We have our GC to visit once a week. The house is now filling up with toys! I love it- they are only little for a short time...

Something else is going on here, is he coercively controlling your daughter. Keep communicating with her, in case she you in the future.

Needs!

Exactly j52. Most peculiar.

While a 9month old will need a safe and suitable place to sleep, surely he can ‘play’ downstairs?
Seems a bit Victorian Nursery idea your SinL has - perhaps he sees you as a Nanny!
I had DGS2 mainly weekends for years - he had/has his own room, but I bought him a big toy box from Dunelm and it was regularly replenished with his toys on a rotating system so he didn’t get bored. Some days, we were hardly inside.

I’d get clean guidelines on childminding sorted sooner, rather than later. You can do more if you want, but difficult, if you over commit.

*much reduced quantity of Christmas decorations bagged and boxed in the bottom of a fitted wardrobe.

Thankyou NotSpaghetti for your reply.
I do have a smallish sitting room, but because of ornaments and a glass coffee table it wouldn't be safe for him to crawl around. We also have 3 cats and my daughter and SIL live in a big brand new house with no clutter as they call it, just clear open fur free floors. I did offer to look after him at their home, but SIL wouldn't allow that !

One of our spare bedrooms has been turned into Christmas decoration room.

I wouldn't be inclined to turn it into a nursery for visiting grandchildren though.

NotSpaghetti

I would have said no.
I don't understand why helping out occasionally involves a room for the purpose?
Do you have a sitting room?

We look after our grandchildren as required but I would not be clearing out rooms for them to just play in.

I think your daughter and son in law are making assumptions about you and childcare.
Please tell them now that you will do occasional days and emergencies but not regular childcare. If they don't bring childcare up I think you must!

Gransnetters (and my friends) are often doing more childcare than they want to do. Some are constantly exhausted.
Better to offer "too little" initially and increase it later (if you find it easy) than to cut back later!

I completely agree.

We keep our Christmas decs in big plastic boxes, with a lid, they are under our stairs.

NangelaMary

Thankyou NotSpaghetti for your reply.
I do have a smallish sitting room, but because of ornaments and a glass coffee table it wouldn't be safe for him to crawl around. We also have 3 cats and my daughter and SIL live in a big brand new house with no clutter as they call it, just clear open fur free floors. I did offer to look after him at their home, but SIL wouldn't allow that !

Much more sensible to care for him in his own home, better for you, better for him and actually better for the parents as no chauffeuring him around twice a day.

Please remember, you’re doing them a favour, not the other way around!

Be firm and strong and very polite and insist you come to them.

The alternative is for them to use a nanny, child minder or nursery and pay for childcare.

Good luck

Your SiL's behaviour does seem very controlling to me. From what you are saying, a lot does seem to come down to what he will or won't 'allow'. This is definitely verging on emotional blackmail on his part. I'm with Cossy on this one. If he finds your living arrangements unsuitable, then tell him you will look after the child in their home instead.

Thankyou Cossy
I agree- I don't see why my SIL doesn't want me to look after him there. I think they are hoping he will have his own bedroom at ours maybe !

Just be careful you don't "over offer" NangelaMary or you will forever be "under delivering" I'm afraid - irrespective of which house.

Can you put glass protection over your coffee table? It will stop the baby trying to stand up when underneath?
My friend did this when we were both young mums and it was then a great height for a toddler to do jigsaws etc on.

It seems to me it's your daughter that has a problem not you. Why is she allowing her husband to dictate what will happen regarding childcare. I can't imagine my daughter tollerating this from her husband he would soon be given short sharp shift. Not that he would anyway he's lovely and appreciates any help.
I suggest they find a nursery for their child for childcare.