In the run up to the birth of our grandchild a couple of names were suggested which we liked, but at the last minute my daughter, at a family lunch out, announced a new name "Troy"as her final choice.
In surprise I said that it wasn't a family name on either side and a bit out there, she flew into a rage saying she loved it and I was ruining her pleasure in the name. To avoid upset we said the we hoped the baby would be ok and that was everything never mind the name.
She got her phone out and showed us pictures of a couple who had called their son the same name. Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.
When he was born we suggested maybe a family name as a middle name? This was rejected by text. We tried for a nickname and received anger. Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.
It has also emerged that other relatives knew her choice of name long before she announced it so publicly to us. "But it always was going to be...." This is very hurtful for us. We have an older grandchild and were much more involved in her upbringing. She had my mother's middle name and a more mainstream first name. I feel we have been played and an understandable surprised reaction used to take offence because we are simply surplus to requirements.
both with twins, one with two boys, Ronnie & Reggie
You're kidding😳
Crumbs😮
Poor kids!
I am with everyone else on this thread. The child's name (whether you like it or not) is the absolutely least important thing here!! In fact, however potty a name might seem, the thing about loving the baby as well your own daughter is that you cone to love their choices because the baby 'becomes' the name. Honestly, AmberGreen, please stop pressing self destruct. Anyone on this thread might happen to know your DD xx
One of my grandchildren is Arthur , I love it. Olive is a beautiful name
ixion
^both with twins, one with two boys, Ronnie & Reggie^
You're kidding😳
Crumbs😮
I wish I was!!
Iam64
One of my grandchildren is Arthur , I love it. Olive is a beautiful name
I agree, but it just the combination!
Ok 💖
I think this is a wind up. No one would expect the grandparent to approve a name parents choose. I couldn't stand my mother ever doing that as neither would I. When I hear things like this I wonder how my d estranged me and. yet people that openly criticise adult children's choice remain valued members of the family so they must get something right.
I didn’t like the name one of my children named their baby, but I would never have said anything as it’s not my baby so not my choice. now that he is a teenager the name suits him
I don’t understand this theme of family names imo it’s very old fashioned why should parents name their child something they don’t like just because great great granny did
My mother didn’t wasn’t to use family ‘old fashioned’,names for my sisters and I. Dob’s late 1940s and early 1950’s.. we all got ‘modern’ names. I loved my maternal gran and her traditional name. I gave it to one of my daughters as a middle name. My children all had traditional first names and middle family names. They continued this new family traditions, their children enjoy hearing about their namesakes
I think Troy is a lovely name and I find your entitled attitude disgusting. How dare you spoil your daughter's motherhood experience! I don't blame her for being distant from you.
I don't think the parents choice of the name for their child should be criticised but I don't think that alone justifies cancelled visits, being made to feel that you're not wanted to be around, and certainly not something that could result in estrangement.
I knew a teenage girl who was called Troy in the 1980's. It suited her and I thought then it was a nice name.
My first born son was given a middle name [ a bible name, not unusual] and my MIL hated it. Tough, I wouldn't have changed it for her anyway. It's still one of my favourite names.
My son gave his second son the same middle name, so obviously a name we all like.
I wouldn't dream of trying to interfere in the choice of any of my grandchildren's names. Not my place. As it is I like all of their names anyway [one of which I personally wouldn't have chosen but it certainly suits the child].
It’s not even a remote overreaction that your daughter is taking a break from you. You have been told already what her plans are for her child, therefore you need to stop being so controlling and drop it. It’s not that difficult.
Naturally, a pushy person downplays and dismisses another as immature who is telling them to respect their choices when that person finally has enough. You don’t have to be that person. You can simply accept your 40 year old daughter’s choices and enjoy your grandchild. It’s so much easier than pushing her away and not spending time with your grandchild.
Choose happiness and cohesion in your family over bitterness about not getting to control your daughter’s parenting journey. She’s pregnant. She has a right to stay away from unnecessary stress and pressure. If you can’t cope over a name, you could be awful for a postpartum new mum. Your job as a grandmother and mother is to support, not control your family. If you are not providing support they can appreciate, it’s best you give them space.
To be clear, it doesn’t matter that this particular dispute is about a name.
The underlying issue is you telling the 40 year old what to do with her own child.
It’s about respect. It is not respectful to continue to tell someone what to do when they have already communicated with you that you need to leave it alone. It’s unpleasant to be around. We are entitled to take breaks from those who do not respect our autonomy.
I think it’s the pairing of Arthur with Olive that’s made Cossy (and me) smile. 
Sorry, I seem to have skipped a whole page of comments there!
This thread has made me think of the sketch in Miranda where a lady in the office was called Sue Perb. My mum had a friend called Barbie Kew.
Churchview
This thread has made me think of the sketch in Miranda where a lady in the office was called Sue Perb. My mum had a friend called Barbie Kew.
😂😂😂
Churchview
This thread has made me think of the sketch in Miranda where a lady in the office was called Sue Perb. My mum had a friend called Barbie Kew.
I used to work with someone called Dickie Bird
Thank you for your kindness
What have family names got to do with the name someone chooses for their baby?
Fine if the parents like a family name and want to use it, but if they don't, so what?
I would never tell anyone that the name they chose for their child was 'out there' , no matter how dreadful I may have thought the name. I would always say 'how nice' and I have said 'how nice' to some dreadful names (to me)
Smileless2012
I don't think the parents choice of the name for their child should be criticised but I don't think that alone justifies cancelled visits, being made to feel that you're not wanted to be around, and certainly not something that could result in estrangement.
I don’t think it’s. The initial not liking the name - thought that reaction was also uncalled for - I think it’s the continuing to cause trouble about it that’s causing the cancelled visits. Op not only originally commented she continued to try to butt in , even after baby was born and then proceeded to try to implement a nickname to avoid using the name she doesn’t like. Of course they’re choosing not to deal with that and cancelling visits. I imagine if op would apologize , East a little humble pie and then shut up about it from here on out she’d get on okay
Smileless2012
I don't think the parents choice of the name for their child should be criticised but I don't think that alone justifies cancelled visits, being made to feel that you're not wanted to be around, and certainly not something that could result in estrangement.
I suspect it’s about the name but not about the name, if that makes sense.
Trying to push a parent to name a child to please yourself smacks of terrible disrespect to me. And then, once the baby is born, the attempt to nickname the child?
I think the name issue is the most recent symptom of a troubled relationship between mother and daughter, and absolutely involves a lack of respect for her daughter, coupled with some control issues.
Talking about funny names many years ago in a labour ward I had a consultant called Mr Aldis Balls He was nicknamed by us mums ‘old conkers’
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