In the run up to the birth of our grandchild a couple of names were suggested which we liked, but at the last minute my daughter, at a family lunch out, announced a new name "Troy"as her final choice.
In surprise I said that it wasn't a family name on either side and a bit out there, she flew into a rage saying she loved it and I was ruining her pleasure in the name. To avoid upset we said the we hoped the baby would be ok and that was everything never mind the name.
She got her phone out and showed us pictures of a couple who had called their son the same name. Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.
When he was born we suggested maybe a family name as a middle name? This was rejected by text. We tried for a nickname and received anger. Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.
It has also emerged that other relatives knew her choice of name long before she announced it so publicly to us. "But it always was going to be...." This is very hurtful for us. We have an older grandchild and were much more involved in her upbringing. She had my mother's middle name and a more mainstream first name. I feel we have been played and an understandable surprised reaction used to take offence because we are simply surplus to requirements.
Actually both generations of this family seem to be indulging in the sort of ridiculous over reactions that leave families falling out and having major rows over trivia.
They should all learn to live and let live.
Sounds like the name incident is 'the straw that broke the camels back'.
My mother was mildly 'put out' because we didn't name either of our sons after my dad. I had good reasons which I wasn't about to discuss with her, but she was a loving granny and adored both of the boys, no matter what they were called. You will miss out on a great relationship with your grandson if you don't mend your fences.
"That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet".
I do hope you feel a bit better about the name choice, AmberGreen.
My family has a tradition that the eldest daughter uses a family name, either as their first or middle name. I have the name, as does my daughter (both as middle names, as it is rather old-fashioned). If my daughter ever has a daughter of her own I would like her to keep the tradition, as it has been followed for many generations, but it is up to her (and her partner), and I wouldn't dream of complaining if she didn't. I would just be delighted that she had a baby, as so far she doesn't want any, but I don't comment about that either
What a pair you both are. Yes, it might have been better not to comment but she needs to grow up too.
I wonder how the girls named Chardonnay like their name? They are probably adults now.
I don't like my first name particularly but the second choice was worse.
Parents also need to think carefully about names and whether their children will be bullied at school.
Smileless2012
I don't think the parents choice of the name for their child should be criticised but I don't think that alone justifies cancelled visits, being made to feel that you're not wanted to be around, and certainly not something that could result in estrangement.
Methinks there maybe more to this story
You may be right Cossy but if not, I agree with M0nica and Furret.
We wouldn’t have dreamt of even telling anyone our children’s’ proposed names before they were born. Sometimes the names you have chosen don’t suit them for one. Certainly we would never, ever have asked or told our parents.They probably would have chosen dreadful names.
There doesn’t need to be more to the story than what the OP says for her daughter to be justified. No new mum wants to spend excess time with critical, pushy people, not even your own mum. Just because someone is your child doesn’t mean you’re entitled to time with them regardless of how you treat them. OP openly shows contempt for her daughter’s choices. She won’t stop her open criticism regardless of how many times she’s told to leave it alone. That’s strange behaviour. Too aggressive, too controlling. It’s really simple: Keeping distance from unsupportive relatives is the path of least drama. It’s refreshing to see women who prioritize their own peace, especially during a vulnerable time. Granny will be fine once she learns to relax and interact normally. We all misstep here and there, but persistently forcing our opinions on unwilling parties is not at all healthy behaviour.
When my DD was pregnant she asked me if I knew any unusual family names she and SiL might think of using . I told her we had an Ezekiel, Archibald ,Maud and Gertrude … !
Names are definitely a minefield!
I think if my DC had announced the baby's name was Troy I would have found it hard to say "how lovely darling"
But this was before the birth so a chance to influence the choice perhaps?
As it was I like all my DGC names, some family names, some not One though is the name of a very famous actor of the 1950s. When we asked if that was wise, we were told firmly that nobody nowadays would have heard of it. Really! Ofcourse they have. It doesn't matter. The child doesn't mind.
At least it's not the name of a murderer like Cossy's neighbour.
I have three GCs from two of my children, and none of these GCs was named after any family member. The first was named after a basketball star, the second, after a song title, and the third...just a name. Bob Dylan was right six decades ago: "the times they're achanging." We named our kids; let them name theirs.
Troy is quite a popular boys' name, especially in the USA.
If I had a granddaughter I'd much rather her be named Troy which I think is lovely than
''Pilot Inspektor''
'Moxie CrimeFighter''
''Techno Mechanicus''
''Exa Dark Sideræl''
''X Æ A-Xii''
Which are real ''names'' some ''celebrity'' idiots called their kids on their birth certificates.
How exactly is ''Æ'' even pronounced?
You didn't birth your granddaughter, your daughter did so I think she and her partner have the right to name their daughter, not you!
As well as ''bridezillas'' and ''groomzillas'' there's also grannyzillas too!
Please keep your nose out or it could cause a lot of trouble between you and your daughter and/or granddaughter as she gets older.
Sorry, I might of made a mistake.... or grandson.
Are you ok, SigmaNan? 😵💫
Smileless2012
You may be right Cossy but if not, I agree with M0nica and Furret.
We all have opinions but we don't need to share them. I think in this case it wasn't the first comment it was the carrying on about it. It just seems rude to me.
I've got 8 GC, some have names I like and some have names I don't but I love the children and once you know and love them it doesn't matter.
My children would have no idea which names I immediately loved and which I didn't.
When I went into work and said my new GS had arrived a colleague who I liked asked the name. When I told her she screwed up her nose and said how horrible it was. Totally changed my opinion of her. It wasn't even a wayout name, one of the new generation of royal princes has the name so hardly a strange name.
Honestly, why are people so rude!
*Names are definitely a minefield!
I think if my DC had announced the baby's name was Troy I would have found it hard to say "how lovely darling*
Intriguing! Why not? I think it's a fabulous name and I'm very pleased to have one in the family.
My children have got unusual names. I was determined not to go down the ordinary route.
Horses for courses and all that
I don't know why Troy doesn't appeal to me Rula. It has associations I suppose. It sounds American.
It's a place-name.
It would be fine for a pet.
As you say "horses for courses"
I like unusual names and old fashioned names too but Troy is neither.
Grammaretto
I don't know why Troy doesn't appeal to me Rula. It has associations I suppose. It sounds American.
It's a place-name.
It would be fine for a pet.
As you say "horses for courses"
I like unusual names and old fashioned names too but Troy is neither.
Funny you should mention that, we had the most gorgeous dog called Troy!
And yes, American, our son has an American wife which could explain the choice.
Odd names do grow on us. My youngest daughter has a very unusual name and she loves it. Always been an ice breaker in small talk type conversations.
The association I have with the name Troy is the divine Terence Stamp on Far from the Madding Crowd!
It's very tricky...I was 'unsure' about the name of one of our grandchildren. Best thing to have said when they announced it would have been, at the most, a very neutral 'hmm...' and the minute you discovered that's the one they were going to choose, to embrace it, ie learn to love it! As I think it usually happens that, whatever our initial 'thoughts' about a name, we do learn to love it, as we come to associate it more and more with our wonderful grandchild! Very difficult to 'rewind' this one - you need to get down on your knees and make a HUGE apology to your daughter and beg forgiveness! And learn to love the name. There's no other way.
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