Friends condoning affair.

AGAA4

It's not pearl clutching. I've seen families torn apart by an affair. Children can suffer very badly. To think it's acceptable if one partner is having an affair then the other one can is irresponsible and makes the situation worse.

Quite right!

None of your business, keep your mouth firmly shut.

The Man is married. He’s the one in the wrong. Do not blame the other woman. She didn’t do the promising.

Why not part blame her. If she knows he is married, then she should walk away.

I truly cannot understand any woman would would stay with a repeat cheat. Someone could make a mistake once perhaps, and do all the rok to mend trust. But twice or more?

And put up with it because of the high wage and nice house, etc?. No way.

I do know of one woman who did, again and again, but that was because she had a several handicapped daughter who worshipped her dad.

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

Yes, this is what they all say!

I am lost what does AC mean please?

Claremont

Yes, this is what they all say!

Maybe it's true.

And if this is true- and they have tried their best and fought to mend things- they should at least have the guts to accept it is over, be honest, but kind and fair, and separate, and not just cheat and lie.

Galton

I am lost what does AC mean please?

Adult children

Obviously Sago doesn't know whether this woman is hoping that this man will leave his wife and family, some women would do this for "fun". It is distasteful, whatever the relationship is based upon.

Astitchintime

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

I found the phone number of the woman my husband was having an affair with and phoned her. I said to her, why are you doing this to me and my children. I’ve been a good wife. And she said ‘are you’. I put the mobile phone back on the coffee table and couldn’t touch it for days. I just skirted round it. When I said to my husband ‘what about our children’ he just said ‘ but it’s got nothing to do with the children’. He didn’t think that it would affect them in any way. Our son was doing his A Levels at the time and I had to do everything possible to prevent him from knowing what was happening. When he eventually bought a house with her and moved out our daughter didn’t speak to him for years; she said she’d always worked hard at school and tried to make us proud of her and he’d completely let her down. He was never at home anyway.neither away on business, or at various council meetings or at the pub or visiting his old uni friends. His sister said he was like that because he was in an unhappy marriage. But years later, and in a relationship with another, much nicer woman, he still lives in exactly the same way. However, he would never have had an affair if the woman hadn’t encouraged him, as he’d had plenty of opportunities throughout the years. No one could understand why he’d left us for someone who nobody liked ( to add insult to injury she’d even moved to our village while he was having the affair with her ).

Bluebell, as I understand it your cousin's wife remarried after he died albeit very soon after. Wondering if your cousin had been a long time ill beforehand. I have heard that if someone is happily married and the spouse dies they often marry again quite soon. Happiness all round for those surviving.

Flutterby345

Bluebell, as I understand it your cousin's wife remarried after he died albeit very soon after. Wondering if your cousin had been a long time ill beforehand. I have heard that if someone is happily married and the spouse dies they often marry again quite soon. Happiness all round for those surviving.

BlueBelle
See above, spelt your name wrong.

@ sago
What’s AC?

IamMaz

@ sago
What’s AC?

Adult Children

Astitchintime

Is he so unhappy in his marriage that he has to seek solace and comfort elsewhere???? Two sides to every story.

Victim blaming.

How do you know really that the wife has no idea, I wouldn’t pass judgement so much goes on behind closed doors and only the wife and her husband truly know, like a couple of people have said until you are in that same situation you don’t know what you would do, I think the friends are possibly loving it, there’s nowt so queer as folk

They are going to look rather stupid when the affair comes to light, which it will, no matter how careful this couple are. Your friends will probably be so embarrassed they supported this filthy betrayal, they will lay low for a while. Nothing good ever comes from this type of behaviour, someone always gets hurt. It would be better to call a halt to it now before they really get in too deep.

BlueBelle

He’s a cheat whether he’s 20 or 70 and your friends a fool
My cousins wife met her new husband sitting in the hospital with their respective dying spouses Maybe they didn’t do anything till they died, maybe they did but they married very soon after, and I felt it was very disrespectful to my cousin and could never really feel any nice feelings towards her
It’s one thing if it’s an open marriage or both are cheating but for one to be left at home thinking they have a strong marriage is just nasty

I think that’s a completely different situation. I obviously don’t know the full circumstances, but these are obviously two people unhappy with the idea of being alone and if partners dying , had a lot in common and probably bonded over those circumstances.
A lot of people NEED others, and I think it’s nice for them to have so easily found comfort. I’m not one of those and wouldn’t give up my independence willingly now!

Sometimes a wife is aware but chooses to turn a blind eye in the interests of her children.
I did so, and once my children were settled I started seeing a lovely man who I know will never let me down,

No- not at all unreasonable. Destruction of lives, of trust, of years of family life built on honesty and love, ruined by people with a poor moral compass. A close friend discovered her husband was cheating, and had been for some years. Her almost total collapse, physical and mental, was so hard to see.

No YANBU I discovered my H was having an affair with my best friend when I noticed accidentally that he was ringing her every day when I was out of the house so I felt doubly betrayed.

Maybee70 - you could be telling my story - son doing A Levels etc

crazyH

Maybee70 - you could be telling my story - son doing A Levels etc

He told me of the affair when he knew I couldn’t openly respond. The week before our son had been on an adventure holiday; he could have told me then. But he waited until he was asleep upstairs. When I was in the singles group so many of us had similar stories. I don’t know how I managed to keep it secret for so long.