My husband has dementia

M0nica

Mt61 Unfortunately I hve never done a Blue Badge application and I think conditions for getting it can vary from Local Authrority to LocalAuthority, but again, Age UK (as Age Concern is now called will be able to help.

Citizen Advice will do all the form filling as well as Age UK it is so important to get the terminology right on these endless forms.

Poppyred

Sorry, but why does it matter which dementia??

because every one of them usually transpires totally differently, although everyone is unique and not two patients the same regardless of type of Dementia. However it is a good guideline to enable you to understand the illness. Read up on everything to do with his Dementia.
Have you got an Admiral Nurse in your area, if not you can telephone Dementia UK and they will answer every single question you have. Join a carers support group, get all your paperwork in order and ask for help. Specific help is best, people then know how they can support you. Live in your husbands world, that is all that is all he knows and you will never convince him otherwise. Never argue distract. Walk out of the room if you feel stressed or ready to blow, you will feel awful if you do. So many groups on line too including Talking Point on the Alzheimers Society, which is excellent. Good luck, it is not easy but I am sure you will do it with love.

Also, are there any dementia cafés in your area? These are often run by or based in churches and can really help the family of people who have dementia as you meet and make friends with others who are in the same situation.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are in this very difficult situation. Dementia is such a cruel disease and, as it progresses, takes its toll on the rest of the family. I always think that for the affected person the one saving grace is that they are unaware of their increasingly bizarre behaviour after the initial stages but it is so very distressing for their family and friends. Are you able to have any respite care? Do you have adult children nearby? Please don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family.

Re Blue Badges, I used to have one when diagnosed with scoliosis in my thirties and I was a self-employed accountant dragging boxes of client's papers to and from offices to home. I never abused it, parking normally wherever I could. At some point (maybe ten years ago) I had to re-apply and had an over-the-phone interview. One of the questions was "Can you cross a road at a pelican crossing before the crossing signal changes?" and I said "usually, unless I am carrying a heavy bag". I was denied the badge.

I am going to try again for my DH who has severe walking problems and recently a spinal fracture. He can't cross the road in time, is always holding up the traffic. But I fear there will be something else that causes him to be declined.

I know little about dementia.
My family mostly suffers from heart failure and strokes, but some years ago I had wonderful elderly neighbours. Pauline developed dementia but was still able to play her piano brilliantly. Music seems to be a huge help for people suffering from dementia, even if they don't play an instrument. Sorry I can't be of more help, but my heart goes out to you.

Juniper1, I do hope you get all the help and support you need and deserve. 💐

I know how sad it is. My late DH had Lewy Body dementia which caused psychosis, which was hard to live with. He latterly had two days a week at a day centre, which helped. As others have said, check the aforementioned websites. Take all the help you can get. That doesn’t alleviate the loneliness of not having his ‘ company ‘, of course. Concentrating on home based hobbies and interests helped a little. It’s definitely worth going to the dementia cafes. It is most definitely something that changes your lifestyle and choices. Wishing you health and strength to manage this stage.

Hi, I'm so sorry to read your post; my dad had Vascular Dementia and it was so hard for my mum.
Depending on your location - and if you have a spare room - you could also look into 'homeshare', which is a very low-cost way of having someone live in your home, in effect as a helpful friend. It's low cost because it's not a job (they go out to work) but they commit to giving 10-15 hours/week in a mix of practical help and company. I know Share and Care Homeshare supports a lot people with Dementia, including couples where one has dementia and the husband/wife could do with some friendship and moral support, and a little respite.
The Alzheimer's Society also has a wealth of information and support options, including speaking to a Dementia Advisor about your specific situation.
Good luck, and wishing you all the best.

So sorry x seems we’re hearing of more cases than ever ..

Mt61, I appreciate your concern regarding my husbands driving and to be honest I am disappointed he has passed the assessment. He had already been given the all clear to drive from DVLA and this assessment was in addition to that. The assessment is linked to DVLA. I am in a difficult situation because he has been deemed fit to drive. He manages the car well, disorientation is the main problem. I instigated this assessment ( unbeknown to my husband) because as you say if he were to cause a serious accident I would be devastated! However he is legally fit to drive. Without going into detail I have done everything possible to stop him driving!! I saw our GP and got the distinct impression he thought I was being overcautious! He has another assessment on the horizon. Apparently people with dementia are often allowed to drive because driving is a skill they learnt many years ago and is deep rooted in memory, learning new skills is very difficult for them . Dementia is a very complex condition!

It is something we dread getting and worse I think for the carers. Do hope the experiences of others will help you Juniper. It must be so lonely and as a widow I understand that but you have the added worry of caring and getting older so it does become more diffucult and perhaps there are benefits you could get to help..

I would encourage anyone with a loved one who has dementia/Alzheimers to apply for a Blue badge. It was very straightforward and was granted within a week.

I’ve just looked at the Playlist for Life website, and see Sir Alex Ferguson is a great supporter. I see him pictured with Frank Dunn, who was a top cardiologist in Glasgow. His prescription of a ‘wee dram’ on a Saturday night was very popular in his wards!

My Dad has vascular dementia and he quite often sings and warbles away!
I commented on how nice his singing was one day and he said,
"I'm serenading you." 🥰

Marmin

Music can be a big help. Music he knows and likes.

I noticed Whiff mentioned her mum singing songs her dad had taught her, so have a look at playlistforlife.org.uk They have had great success by compiling a playlist of music which is meaningful to the person. It was started by Sally Magnusson, daughter of Magnus, when her mum had dementia. Good luck.

M0nica

Mt61 Unfortunately I hve never done a Blue Badge application and I think conditions for getting it can vary from Local Authrority to LocalAuthority, but again, Age UK (as Age Concern is now called will be able to help.

Thank you will give them a ring tomorrow.

Juniper1, I am so sorry to read your post and hear of your loneliness. It is a scary place to be - I know - my husband has some sort of dementia and is in a care home now. This isn't something I expected at his young age but I am strong and will get through this and make sure he has all of the things to keep him healthy and happy, while possible. You might find your husband able to do some activities early in the day but afternoons and evenings can be a quiet time of no stimulation and some rest or reading, tele, etc...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Poppyred

My mother regressed to childhood over a 6 year period. Didn’t recognise her own children. I don’t think it makes much difference what label you choose to call it, it’s a horrible way to end your life. I didn’t cry when she died, she had died a thousand times before then.

I am so familiar with everything you said so perfectly in your post. <hugs>

Mt61 Unfortunately I hve never done a Blue Badge application and I think conditions for getting it can vary from Local Authrority to LocalAuthority, but again, Age UK (as Age Concern is now called will be able to help.

People living with dementia are eligible for a reduction in Council Tax if they have a confirmed diagnosis and are claiming (or eligible to claim) Attendance Allowance.

kittylester

Different types progress differently.

OP, have you applied for Attendance Allowance?

and a reduction in your council tax. Dementia sufferers do not pay

Just want to say how concerning and touching these interchanges have been to read. Whiff you have been a heroine. I think it was you that said you would would want to be put in a home and not visited. After all you have done! But I understand completely. Aging and shuffling off face us with so many new challenges, previously unimaginable and yet all part of life.

Mt61

My friend’s granddaughter does her shopping & showers her before she goes off to do her full time job. Life is such a struggle for her. I put all that on the form- tbh I found it a struggle as there was pages & pages, very confusing questions.
Thanks Monica. I will get her to book an appointment with Age concern to do the forms properly.

Btw Monica, who would be the best body to help me fill forms for a blue badge?
I struggle with hip & knees (getting my knee op soon). Or can you only get one if you a on a benefit?
Also I need to be near the loos as I have incontinence issues.
I have reports from both urology & orthopaedic surgeon- would these be enough? Thanks oh 60 btw.

My friend’s granddaughter does her shopping & showers her before she goes off to do her full time job. Life is such a struggle for her. I put all that on the form- tbh I found it a struggle as there was pages & pages, very confusing questions.
Thanks Monica. I will get her to book an appointment with Age concern to do the forms properly.