My husband has dementia

FishandChips15

My DH is in a care home with mixed dementia amongst other things and is not very mobile.

I feel I would like to meet other wives in this situation, but cannot find a group. They tend to be for relatives who have a dementia partner, are still living at home and attend groups together. Any suggestions please?

FishandChips15 I think you put your finger on a gap.

Could you start one yourself, possibly based on the Care home your DH is in, if they are willing to help, because I am sure there are many like you, and starting with the spouses of those in the same care home is as good as any.

You could also speak to your local branch of the Alzheimers Society to see if such a group exists, or whethe they would run ne locally.

Thanks Monica. Unfortunately I do not live very close to DHs care home and do not know the area very well.

I suppose I do not want the extra work either. Not that I am lazy it is just that I am coping with everything else totally on my own and to be honest it is getting me down.

As suggested I will contact the Alzheimers Society and ask the question.

FishandChips15 I thoroughly empathise with your comment about coping with everything else totally on your own and it’s getting you down. I sometimes feel like everything’s coming at me at once and I can only cope with one or two things at a time - I’m sure you must feel the same at times. Hope you can find what you need to help ease the burden and worry. Thinking of you.

I find it’s not so much like having a toddler in the house as being simultaneously PA and housekeeper to a very demanding employer. As well as cook and laundry maid.
Someone from our GP practice with a job title I didn’t catch came to the house and did the attendance allowance form for me.

I don’t feel lonely but miss having time to myself - my DH is a retired academic and we used to spend the afternoons in our respective studies. That’s long gone now that he can no longer type two sentences on his computer or read two paragraphs of a book. I weep for him more than for myself but I do feel resentment sometimes and wish he would consider going to a memory cafe or do jigsaws. We’ve never been great television watchers but we do that a bit more now. Life is a brute.

Oh and let no one tell us we are on a journey. Fearful expression when you don’t want to get to the destination. We’re on the edge of a cliff that’s slowly crumbling beneath us.