Advice please

We have a similar situation with 2 of my grown up GC. Neither of them will 'get over it' so my daughter sees them separately and we are both dealing with it like that. Its not perfect but its working so far. Let your son speak to his sisters himself and you try to remain on good terms with everyone.

You cannot make people like each other, you can see them separately, it could fix itself over time. The more you try to force it the worse it will become.

Hey Tanith
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Thank you

I had the same heartache and felt a terrible failure as a mother that I didn't have a happy bonded family.

I use the past tense because I have come to terms with having two families, so mostly I meet and stay with them separately. I get the best of both worlds as I know I am very loved by them, they just don't love each other, which is sad but not actually my fault.

They are adults making adult choices and so am I. I tell them both how much it hurts me but it doesn't make them want to get together...

Nothing you can do just enjoy them for the free-thinking people they are and don't take sides. Choose your own side, which is to ignore the squabbles and just enjoy their independence. You did a great job!

I sadly have two who used to be the best of friends but now barely speak to each other, a lot of hurt over what ! Eldest has no idea why, youngest, if she knows isn’t saying, one has tried to build bridges but no movement from the other I just have to keep things separate I love them both
My best friend has three grown middle aged sons two are great friends the third won’t connect with either of his brothers and can be vitriolic towards them again They certainly couldn’t visit her at the same time she has no idea why or where it comes from

I think it’s much more common than you think

Thank you Elowen

I agree with your comment but as mum, its hard to watch it continue. Like you say, it may fix over time, thats what i'm hoping for

Thank you

Thank you
I'm sorry to hear your having the same problem in your family.
I do see them but its hard when you want to share stories of children with each family. Or other stories such as, one is getting a puppy. Usually they would go to each house so children could meet puppy.

Its hard to live with but hearing on here, i'm not only family, makes me feel little better

Thank you

Would you be able to explain what caused the falling out so we can help better?

Thank you

I'm sorry to hear your family problems.
And yes it seems to be more common then i would have thought.
Gosh, i'm so glad i reached out on hear, makes it feel somewhat easier.

My youngest has reached out 2/3 times but older one, won't even respond, which i get cross about.

My eyes have been truly open today.
To find out this goes on in many families is shock

Thank you for ALL the replies,
Evie

I'd rather not but i will say, they are so different , you wouldn't believe they are sisters

Thank you

I think you need to be very careful about taking sides. Best for you to be impartial because whatever it is they clearly both feel wronged by it.

When you say they are different people, do you mean one is more like you and the other isn't or are they both very different to you?

I’m sorry about your daughters falling out, but honestly why is your son getting involved. He’s not happy that the family are not seeing much of each other?

He went to live in America! I don’t think he’s got a leg to stand on when it comes to giving his opinion!

Your son is definitely not helping.
He is not involved on a personal level, and has no business advising you to tell his sister 'to keep away until she is ready to get back with the family.'
Far better to remain impartial, give support to both if required, and perhaps attempt a family get-together if he should visit this country.
You can't force families to bond; all you can do is remain supportive of all, avoid taking sides and ignore family quarrels.

I was also wondering why the son was involved.
Do not listen to him as he is not living this - and could easily make things worse!

Everything he knows is second hand.

Leave them if they don’t get on just have your own relationship with both and except it as it is and no your son shouldn’t get involved no need at all just adds fuel to the fire

I think the standard advice in such cases is to find common ground between the two parties. I imagine you yourself could be the go-between for meeting to discuss a neutral topic that concerns both of them.

I naturally have no idea what the two ladies have in common. It may be a common political stance, or a common threat to their families from criminals, or maybe one gives good practical advice about purchasing a car advice the other seeks.

Caleo

I think the standard advice in such cases is to find common ground between the two parties. I imagine you yourself could be the go-between for meeting to discuss a neutral topic that concerns both of them.

I naturally have no idea what the two ladies have in common. It may be a common political stance, or a common threat to their families from criminals, or maybe one gives good practical advice about purchasing a car advice the other seeks.

Don't do that.
Stay out of it and don't send your son in either.
Do some reading on estrangement and flying monkeys.
And remember the old saying " least said, soonest mended".
If you put yourself into their business, you run the risk of being alienated from them all.

Thank you

When i say they different , none of them i like me and i understand why you would question that.
Just completely different in the way they live etc

Thank you

My son has his say because he looks out for me as i'm on my own now. he doesn't like to see me unhappy
But see why you would say that

Thank you

I'm glad i posted on here because your all saying seemly things

Thank you

It is not possible to force people to make up. Keep out of it.

I have a situation with daughters similar to this. But one does not see me now either. If I bump into her in the supermarket she'll speak but it's difficult now it does feel awkward. The main reason she fell out with me was because I wouldn't take sides! So sometimes you just can't win.

I think that it's more common than you might imagine.
My children don't get on either, they avoid each other when possible. We had our golden wedding recently and they did come, but didn't speak to each other. I've tried speaking to the two who are most difficult, but sadly no luck, so I simply see them separately.
I have absolutely no idea what caused the original rifts, usually things have blown over quickly but no longer.