All alone on my birthday

crazyH

Thankyou all for your kind replies - I might ask my neighbour who is also lives on her own, to join me for a pub lunch .

Great plan, looks like you’ve got it covered, but of course you would feel upset, anyone would. Families get so absorbed by their own lives that sometimes they miss the important details that are somehow relegated to the sidelines.
Perhaps you could suggest to them upon their return that you all meet up somewhere for a meal for a belated birthday bash.

I think your idea of asking the neighbour out for a pub lunch is perfect!
You can then celebrate your actual birthday with her.

The birthday celebrations can then continue when the family are all home and a day can be arranged for you all to be together.
Maybe with a birthday cake for this special day!

It's a new situation for you. You are suffering loss of a family ritual which you. enjoyed very much.

You have clearly explained the reason for your loss. All your giving has not been enough to secure their loyalty to the birthday ritual .
You are to be congratulated on having friends and neighbours who will step into the breech.

Yes Caleo I have lovely friends and neighbours, but
UPDATE : my daughter just messaged me to say that she has cancelled her other plans for that day when she realised - it’s easier for her to cancel because she was only going with a couple of friends to West Wales. A daughter is a daughter 😍 she can be a pain sometimes but she has come up trumps - cheered me no end - she is taking me for lunch , somewhere nice - thanks to you all for listening x

Happy birthday when it comes around but You have a right to feel hurt. You have done so much and deserve to be pampered on your birthday by your family. Sorry but I think they are selfish to go on holiday on your birthday. Hugs.

One year, my family didn’t book a holiday because it meant they would have been away for my birthday. (Both my daughters and their families holidayed together). Luckily, a friend told me and I was able to talk to them in time and persuade them to go. I told them I’d be like Queen Elizabeth and have an official birthday and an unofficial one. Which I did. I met a friend for a lunch on my actual birthday and when my family returned, they arranged the birthday tea and presents that I would have had if they had been here. They also arranged for flowers to be delivered on my birthday. I am lucky.
That said, I wouldn’t expect (or want) a fuss. They are keen to do something special for my 80th this month but I have talked them out of it and they have said they will do something but not go over the top. It won’t be a restaurant meal, because I am not keen on those, but will be something nice.
It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if they forgot, but I suppose I can say that knowing they wouldn’t!

Sometimes, life can get in the way, and dates forgotten. It’s not always done intentionally, just one of those things. However, I’m pleased to see that one of your daughters has realised the date and rearranged her plans so that she can take you out on your birthday. I hope you have a lovely time. I think it might be nice to also ask your neighbour to go out for a pub lunch with you on another day as you say she is on her own. That way, you’ll end up with 2 celebrations for you birthday but on different days and provide company for your neighbour who might be feeling a bit lonely. 😊
Enjoy your birthday 🎂🎉

I may come over as sanctimonious now but I think we expect too much of our families when it comes to birthdays. They mostly have very busy lives whereas we, (there are exceptions obviously) the birthday girls, sit at home with little or no demands on us.
I would hate to think my family do things for my birthday because I ‘expect’ it. I always make light of it, knowing that whatever they then do, it is because they want to, not because they feel they have to!

Depending on where people work it isn't always that simple to book specific dates off during the school holidays, there are often other colleagues with equally valid needs and requirements!

crazyH it sounds like you've reached a happy outcome now 😊

Fabulous news CrazyH - that's just the sort of thing I'd have done for my Mum ❤️

I would hate to think my family do things for my birthday because I ‘expect’ it.

Going off at a tangent, many years ago my in-laws got divorced.
Mother-in-law instigated it, then complained loud and long because my husband and his siblings didn't send her a wedding anniversary card 😂
He said he hadn't thought she'd want one!

crazyH

Yes Caleo I have lovely friends and neighbours, but
UPDATE : my daughter just messaged me to say that she has cancelled her other plans for that day when she realised - it’s easier for her to cancel because she was only going with a couple of friends to West Wales. A daughter is a daughter 😍 she can be a pain sometimes but she has come up trumps - cheered me no end - she is taking me for lunch , somewhere nice - thanks to you all for listening x

Wonderful news!

I think I am usually alone on my birthday but it doesn’t bother me at all. My ‘children’ always get in touch, usually send flowers, but they live too far away for us to meet. Birthdays don’t have much significance for me now. I’d quite like to ignore them, but it isn’t possible.

You’re not being unreasonable, your feelings are hurt. We’re not big on celebrations and my DS didn’t even remember when I was 70! I mean he remembered my birthday just not that it was a big one! DD always remembers and visits with DGD. But that’s as far as it goes. I suppose it’s all down to expectations? Please do something to celebrate on the day CrazyH and then on your “official” birthday celebrate with family. Have a lovely time both days!

CrazyH what a kind and caring DD you have, I hope you can now enjoy your birthday 🌸

Glad your dd has come up trumps have a Lovely day..

crazyH first of anything is hard when on your own. I have spent most of my birthdays on my own . But I had a second birthday with the kids.

Even though I live close to my daughter and family not always together on birthdays due to their work or theirs or mine social calendar. So we have second birthdays . Which is a great way to make your birthday last longer.
Try not to spoil your day and do something special either by yourself or with friends . 🌹

Have an open house buffet for your lovely neighbours and forget the family………they can spoil you after their holidays

FindingNemo15

My birthday is not until September, but this will be the third year I will be on my own since my DH went into a care home. Last Christmas I was also on my own and never saw or spoke (apart from two texts) to anyone for 9 days!

Luckily we have never been big events people which is just as well, but it is still lonely and depressing.

That’s sad FindingNemo15 but come onto this site on your birthday and over Christmas and we can all say hello.

CrazyH that’s a good result for you.

Hey CrazyH that’s great news
And
FindingNemo do come on here around you birthday and
we ll give you the bumps and all raise our glasses to you
Now there’s an idea we could be permently drunk if we all come on on our birthday

Not unreasonable at all, Crazy. But I'm glad it's been resolved now and I hope it's lovely.
Perfectly natural to want your family with you on special days.
So good wishes and good luck.
Cheers 🍾

Oreo and Bluebelle. Thank you for your kind words. I will indeed do as you suggest.

It is so hard I know. As we get older, and especially if we are widowed, birthdays tend to drift away a bit as celebrations .... part of the list of losses that come with age. The gaps need filling by our actions I think.
But you are not crazy to feel sad.

Astitchintime

Have an open house buffet for your lovely neighbours and forget the family………they can spoil you after their holidays

Did you not read the post above from CrazyH?

CrazyH
Here’s a video to play on the day. Don’t forget to turn on the sound 😂

www.facebook.com/reel/2185932808545321