Adult daughter. AIBU?

Aren't you more worried that she hurt herself? I know I would be and I think most mums would too, whether our children are 5 or 35
As for the wedding day anecdote, you sound as if you just want to justify yourself.

Personally I wouldn’t give the lack of birthday stuff another thought I’d want to know how and why she fell and if she was ok. Isn’t that what most Mums do!

What RosieandherMaw and tanith said

Afraid I agree with the last two posters
She had a nasty fall and you ve heard nothing since !!! And you’re more worried about a missing birthday card ?

How is she?
It sounds a nasty fall.

Yes, YABU! Have you even bothered to check in with her to see if she is ok?

You posted some time ago about your loveless childhood and how it’s affected your life.
Now you’re more concerned about a birthday card than your daughter.
Maybe take a look in the mirror.

Sorry, I think you are being very self -centered. She will be more concerned about her bad fall, and she did let you know that she couldn't find your present. You have had a long time to understand your daughter.

I wouldn’t give a toss whether I had any flowers for my birthday - I’d be more concerned about my daughter being injured. You pass over that as though it’s nothing and you really don’t care very much - you’re just upset that it prevented you from getting a present. You come across as very self-centred and unkind.

Have you asked how she is, how the fall happened, whether her injuries have been assessed, whether she needs help with anything?

What your background information has to do with anything I don’t know… maybe she was upset you didn’t talk to her very much. But what’s that got to do with the present issue?

I have a neurally diverse son. he has done wonderfully well following the profession he decided he wanted to follow when he was only 4.

I usually get a birthday card - sometime or another, and any present probably a month or two later ( he is a more efficient since he married), but to be honest I couldn't give toss. He is a loving son, who is there if really needed, a loving husband and father and highly regarded in his profession. What price a birthday card? - very little.

Don't be upset .
Have a good cry and then -think about it .
If your daughter is neurodiverse in some way then all is explained .
She couldn't get a card and presents organised and hurt herself .She did send you a photo of her badly bruised legs .
I'd be more concerned that she'd fallen .
So take a deep breath and send her a card and some flowers/chocolates .
Forget the wedding day upset and try to move on .....

YABVVU.

Ziggy, many people nowadays don't bother with adults' birthdays. You daughter is remarkable for paying you such attentions as she does. You are indeed being unreasonable so don'i let this trivial matter trouble you any longer.

Mothers are allowed to send cards etc to daughters just because they want to , even when not reciprocated

Your daughter is neurodiverse so maybe being disorganised and forgetting things others consider important is part of who she is. Also the fall sounds nasty so maybe that should take priority right now.

So you are "really upset" that you did not receive a birthday present. Your daughter hurt herself badly but still managed to keep in contact and felt it was necessary to provide proof of her injury - that speaks volumes about your behaviour towards her.
You come across as selfish and demanding.

I agree with what has been said above. You are selfish ad uncaring. Your daughter is hurt but you haven’t had a birthday card.
Oh diddums!

Your reaction to your daughters injury seems quite cold.
ND can run in families......

You’re more concerned with your birthday than her injuries.

Wow.

Ziggy62 I'm sure some of these comments are hard to read - but however you were feeling I think your daughter needs a little concern and looking after. Maybe send her a tiny treat (chocolates or flowers maybe) - "thinking of you and hope you are recovering well from your nasty fall"

Then draw a line under it all.

I expect your birthday gift will materialise one day.

I'm with your daughter on this.

Perhaps her neurodiversity is causing her difficulties in finding your card/present, as well as being disorganised AND bruised?

She sent you a picture of her badly damaged legs. Don't you think that instead of whining about your lack of a card/present, you should be sending her something as a get well soon/love you loads type of thing? Even if it's only an e-card by email or just a loving emoji by phone?

Tell her not to worry about not sending you anything, as you understand she's not feeling well for a while.

Your whole attitude reeks of me-myself-and-I.

Think of all those people throughout the world who literally NEVER get any presents from anyone, and nobody ever cares for them.

If I were you and my daughter had had such a horrible accident, I'd be over her like a rash, even if it was only by text, telling her I love her and am thinking of her, I wouldn't be banging on about missed gifts!

BlueBelle

Afraid I agree with the last two posters
She had a nasty fall and you ve heard nothing since !!! And you’re more worried about a missing birthday card ?

Eeerr....... nasty fall ??? What happened and how is she ? That would be my worry about anyone I cared for.

Forget the card.

Grans should not scold Ziggy as so many have been doing.

There is an undercurrent in Ziggy's message of real fear that she is being abandoned. Blaming Ziggy does no good to anyone. She obviously does not know that her daughter's behaviour is perfectly normal, and Ziggy needs to be reassured on this point, and informed gently what is normal behaviour for the mother.

(I have another thread on how to pay a taxi driver, and I have no clue so I simply need the info from Grans, not ridicule)

The poster has asked us to be kind.
Could we not have managed this?!?

Yes, birthday, would be more concerned about daughter.

Wedding - not much to go on, but prob yes the DD was unreasonable.

Ziggy is an adult, and she’s in the wrong - why does something as basic as prioritising her injured daughter over a bunch of flowers need explaining to her gently? She’s not a child that needs to be coddled.

When posters ask others to be kind, it’s usually because they know they’re in the wrong but don’t want to admit it. It’s a manipulation tactic. Her behaviour is selfish and self-centred. If she’s fearful of being abandoned- there’s the reason why.

If she doesn’t know her daughter’s behaviour is perfectly normal and needs reassurance on this point, she’s even more self-centred than she portrayed herself as being. You’re doing her no favours in assuming she needs reassurance on this point.

Why the need to treat a fully functioning adult treating her daughter poorly with kid gloves? OP isn’t the one deserving of sympathy in this situation. It’s the injured daughter who has to send photo evidence of her bruises to her mother as proof that she couldn’t manage to get her a birthday present, but her mother’s still aggrieved that it deprived her of some flowers. Talk about priorities…