Upset by negative comments about my appearance

You are not imagining this , make plans , leave

Plan, and then leave ASAP.
I had exactly the same treatment from my ex. It got worse and worse until all my confidence was totally eroded. It took me a long time to realise what was happening.
Good luck

I'm so sorry. I don't know what the answer is or why this man is being so horrible to you but I couldn't just read and leave.

After you being so unwell surely the least he could do would be to want you to recover. Undermining your self confidence is not going to help that!

He sounds very insensitive to the point of being downright cruel, then he gaslights you by saying it is really just you over reacting. No. It really isn’t.
I think is time to mull over just why you are the third wife, hopefully soon to be an ex?

Maybe he's following a pattern established with previous wifes?

Wonder if you know any of the circumstances of what happened there - ie as to whether he's "following the same road" again.

Sounds like he's not pulling his weight re running the home either (ie 50% - assuming you both spend similar amounts of time earning the money).

Is it possible to have a few days away somewhere on your own for a bit of a break from him? - ie so that you can think about the situation from a distance.

Almost 70% of second marriages end in divorced so you don’t have to feel there’s anything wrong in thinking that this may be a mistake.A lot if people have shared your experience.

Think very carefully as to whether you would be happier out of what sounds like a destructive relationship.

I'd be upset by what you describe too, and it looks bad to me. I like CariadAgain's idea of a break to think about it. Maybe talk to someone you trust? That helps me to get a clearer picture of whatever I'm thinking about.

Is he worried about the age difference. Is he trying to put you down so you feel bad about yourself.
How could anyone prefer a ill underweight woman, he must have known what you are going through and how it would hurt you.
Talk to him, and if he does not change his insensitive ways, I think you should think about leaving as it will get worse.

Leave. I would have left following that first 'feedback' about your looks, your weight, taken advantage of, and gaslight about your lives.

As others have said, make plans, keep them to yourself, and leave.

‘He’s no god’
I bet he’s got money. He must have something to have pulled you (and 2 others) in.

It’s certainly not charm, nor kindness.

He’s a bully and sadly you’re realising that.
How you deal with it is up to you.

Self esteem is very fragile and is often quite difficult to hang onto. You are worth more than this.

Some men are just not husband material they are too selfish and emotionally cold. You say he doesn't do his share of the day to day stuff and he is clearly disrespectful and insensitive to your feelings. I have a horrible feeling that things will only get worse the longer you stay.

Telling someone they are being over sensitive is a classic ploy, often used by bullies, to gaslight you into thinking that their behaviour is acceptable. It most emphatically is not.

I would tell him to get on his bike and cycle off.

He's not a very nice person, is he? If it were me, I would go but only you know whether you want to continue to put up with his behaviour or not.

You are being co-ercively abused, Angelnan. It's hard to recognise and cope with when you have loved and been loved, including of course in intimate ways.

It happened to me, and I didn't see it happening for a long time because it was more subtle.

Start when he is out by signing this help line, not to immediately take action, but to find out if is coercive abuse, and how to get further help - if you wish to take it.

www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=I+think+I+am+beiing+coercively+abused.+who+can+I+ring.&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

There will be local helplines, and I'm sure this helpline will point the way. Also find solicitors who are very familiar with this area, and can tell you about divorce, if you choose to take that route. (ask helplines)

he is not going to change.

Return his shit in spades.
When he comments that he prefers how you used to be,

" Well, I preferred you five years ago too., Before you became such a nasty old bully"

"Lots can change in five years. I won't be staying around for another five years of you like this".

L E A VE

Do you have family/adult children you can confide in Angelnan?
It might help to have some support if you do.

I'd only argue back if you can handle it.

but what you MUST do, is document any instances of bullying or abusiveness. Keep any texts or WhatsApp's or emails,

and discreetly sound record discussions on your mobile. its easy to do, download a Sound Recoding app, wait for an occasion and start a conversation up about what he has said to you, keep recording

This is evidence that you can use to play back should you choose to divorce and he denies having said anything abusive or bullying or put downs: (its leverage to improve any financial agreements it can be played to rellies who think he is the bees knees or friends simply to get support and feedback.

Because men like him rarely bully publicly

A no fault divorce doesn't need evidence like this but it helps all understand why you are doing it. and its leverage to get a better financial deal.

See it for what it is, you've only one life to lead.

Not acting is damaging for you, but take your time.

(sorry for repetition, I'm tired)

Do not let a sense of shame or pride hold you back. You may be worried that a second failed marriage will make people look down on you or say soomething unkind, aternatively you may be too proud to admit a second failure.

Set those thoughts aside aand think about the best and safest thing for you.

Bear in mind, that if you still had your eating disorder, it is wonderful that you have recovered, your husband would probably now be complaining that you were too skinny

I think time one thing we have to contend with is that there is often a fear of loneliness that holds back moving towards a divorce when one has been bullied and reality seems to waver..

You describe yourself as have been confident in the past, it can come back.

I joined this forum 10 minutes ago and yours is the first AIBU I read. Your situation made me shudder, having been through two (yes silly me) two marriages like this. two of them said "if you get fat I'll leave you" or words to that effect - no clue that this was a thought at the start of our marriage. I empathise with the ED, it's comments like your husband's that could set it all off again and make you ill.
I am now married to a lovely man who accepts me . I regard him as a good husband. I never doubt that he loves me, even when I put a stone on. He is my very best friend and supporter. He helps with housework, does lots of shopping and generally behaves the way a really excellent friend would.
You are definitely not being unreasonable, trust your instinct.
This man has no understanding of how to treat a partner.

I know it's easy to simply reply "leave him" because now you have low self esteem and probably a lot of your finance and security revolves around him. (I'm guessing here). If at all possible, I would spend as much time as you can with friends and build a support network with people that you trust. Save money, make plans and eventually you can say good bye to this horrible man. It's not your fault you got sucked into the charm of this awful man. Manipulators and bullies are very good at getting you to fall for them. Please try and do things to build yourself up if you can and get some good support around you. It will not be easy but anything is better that living as you are.

Another vote for leave

He’s definitely not the man you were expecting or wanting
He is on a mission to undermine you and that’s nasty and is not love
He will do you no good at all so my vote is make your plans to LEAVE but do get all your ducks in a row before you do
Are you in his house ?
Are you equal financially ? Can you support yourself can you talk to your grown up child/children If you’re doing all the work and he’s doing all the play it’s extremely uneven anyway

Get your plans in place and don’t worry about it feeling like failure it would be more of a failure to stay and be constantly put down …that’s not love

Plan and leave as soon as possible. This man is not good for you. He is trying to control you and is telling you that you are over sensitive. This is gaslighting and he will only get worse. Try and get things in order like somewhere to live and leave him.You are better on your own than living in a relationship where this is happening. It may seem hard but in the long term you will be happier. I wish you well.