DH says I spend too much

Sad - but explain to him the children and grandchildren will benefit anyway once you’re gone! Why not enjoy seeing them enjoy it whilst you’re both alive!?
Making happy memories to share is priceless

DH and I agree a budget for each DC and for DGC. Then I generally buy the things from joint account because I enjoy buying gifts. If I want to overspend by a small amount I wouldn't bother to mention it but if I wanted to get a gift that was a lot over budget I'd speak to him about it before buying. In reality he'd say go ahead and get it but I think he likes to think he's been involved in decision. DH buys generous gifts of his own for DC and dgc with his own money and comes up with some really good ideas that I wouldn't probably think of. I spend my own money on DH so don't consult with him about that. He's very hard to buy for. Are you sure teens will like the cuddly rabbits? Can you take them back if they don't? I just asked my 2 teens and they looked shocked about receiving a cuddly rabbit and said no don't get it.

Care homes in this area are over £2000 a week, if care is needed it doesn’t take long to go through it. If divided your savings are £65,000 each and woukd run out in today’s money in 6 months.
As for toy rabbits for children of that age, your gc must have so many soft toys already, and will have grown out of wanting more, sweet though they probably are.
I understand your husbands concern.

I am very sorry to say but my 16 year old would like a black polo shirt and my 14 year pierce earrings, 12 year old a board game imposteur among others. I can spend as much or as little as I want on each gift but neither they nor their mother would like soft toys. Maybe you can get a refund?

We have always saved, it is known as rainy day money , and as we are older now and not so able to do things we always have been able to do ourselves it’s raining for us and our savings are quickly reducing because others have to be paid for what we used to do ourselves.

Bit of a miserable, misogynist miserable
Money is a way of controlling you.
Have desperate bank accounts.

For his and her money.

And don't buy him any presents until he changes his ways

As an example we had our front porch door painted last summer, it cost just over £1000. I was staggered. Looked elsewhere but had even higher quotes….. getting someone in is always expensive. Your money won’t go far.

WithNobsOnIt

Bit of a miserable, misogynist miserable
Money is a way of controlling you.
Have desperate bank accounts.

For his and her money.

And don't buy him any presents until he changes his ways

I have a desperate bank account WithNobsOnIt - mainly because there’s never enough in it!😄

When I've a lot of small change I go to the self service tills in the supermarket that take cash and put the coins in there so no commission!

silverlining48

As an example we had our front porch door painted last summer, it cost just over £1000. I was staggered. Looked elsewhere but had even higher quotes….. getting someone in is always expensive. Your money won’t go far.

Tell me about it - re cost of work on house. I've had it from enough sources by now that tradespeople and their materials are noticeably dearer than they were pre-Lockdown.

I certainly wish I'd had the money to finish renovating my house before Lockdown - but I didn't and so some of it has had to be done recently. So, for instance, I could have got away with leaving the existing front and back doors of the house - as they were upvc at any rate. But both were worse for wear, "old lady" taste (and I'm from a more modern area) and it wasn't possible to open a decent size window in my kitchen (ie because the one over the kitchen sink can only be opened by someone rather taller than me). So I bought a new front and back door and the back door (for kitchen) has a top half that opens up as a window and is plain and modern. The front door is much more plain and modern/gives more privacy/is made of that composite material. The two together = around £5,000. Just for two exterior doors!

Husband moans about the amount his wife is spending and suddenly he is a misogynist! Moaning doesn't have to be a sign of control nor does having reasonable expectations of the amount our partner spends. We have no knowledge of the history behind this and people rarely show themselves in a poor light when explaining their part in something.

When he comments , I would say " There are no pockets in shrouds may as well enjoy it while we can , we are a long time dead" just keep on repeating every time he says something. Other than that separate accounts .

@fancyflowers
I ly you know whether or not you spend too much on "frivolities "
The things you have mentioned don't seem that frivolous. Why shouldn't you have some new trousers and top for Christmas. You'll no doubt wear them afterwards and maybe get rid of tatty old stuff to make room for them. As long as you're not buying new clothes every day, you're probably ok. Things do wear out, get stained, bobbly, holey, very out of fashion, and that can affect your well being and if you can afford to have a few new things why not. You'd not say no more haircuts/skin care/make up or whatever. All that's assuming that you haven't got several wardrobes and chests of drawers full to overflowing with things you never wear
Some things can be dangerous when they are too worn like shoes or boots with little or no tread left. My daughter urged me to throw away a pair of wellies the other day as the tread is going and she's worried about me slipping over in the wet, and she's right! I discard crocs for example when they start wearing out on the bottom. Better to buy a new pair rather than fall over and hurt myself
Getting household supplies from Amazon would be no problem to for me, I have a few bits that I get from Amazon on a subscribe and save basis, that I use regularly and that saves me time and my back because the man drops them if at the front door. Also as long as I keep my eyes on how much costs, is often cheaper. If it's something hat I'd have to travel specially to get, I'll sometimes use Amazon too, this saving time and money on car costs. I can get a bus to our local retail park which is free with the bus pass, but the bus takes twice as long as driving, so an hour there and an hour back, and it is only hourly, so at times it can mean a wait to get home again, especially if the bus is late or cancelled. Our time is valuable too. How would your DH feel if you went off like that and left him on his own instead of having your company with just a few minutes spent ordering stuff on Amazon. And sometimes buying something that you will need when they are on sale can save you a lot of money, for example I look out for crocs in the sales so I can replace worn out ones as cheaply as possible.
As I said, only you know if you overspend. You probably don't need many ceramic dishes etc, but they do break. And sometimes a new appliance is great. I've just bought myself an air fryer! So far I love it, didn't think I'd use one until I stayed at my daughter's and saw how useful hers was (It is from the brand outlet, reconditioned, but I honestly don't think it had been used, it was probably just a return, it's a small one and maybe it looked bigger in the picture, and with a couple of coupons it was half the price of a new one. )

B9exchange

Could you not have some of your joint savings transfered to a bank account of your own, in which your pension also goes? He won't stress about what you are spending then as he won't know?

This is about the surest way to ruin a marriage, barring adultery, that I have ever heard of.

Everyone should have a bank account of their own, not in order to deceive their spouse in any way, but because joint accounts are frozen upon the death of one of the holders - which lives the widow or widower in queer street until probate is granted.

OP there is so much you have not told us, that it is hard to give any advice. Do you have a joint account that housekeeping expenses are paid out of, or not. Do you have the same amounts from your pensions or other assests. Has your husband always been cautious about money, read downright mean. Can you honestly say you are not extravagant and so on and so forth.

If this attitude on your husband's behalf is new, then you really do need to find out what is causing it. My paternal grandparents convinced themselves, quite wrongly, that they were poor in their old age to such an extent that they did not heat the house properly in the winter.

If he has always been what anyone north of the Tyne would call sair-bained about money, then you will not change him now, so you will probably just have to put up with his remarks.

Could it be partly that being retired your DH has never really seen how much stuff you need to buy to keep a clean and administratively up to date home ?
I know my now Ex used to moan that I spent so much, saying all I spend money in is travel to work. That was true. I was the one that made sure the house was insured, the car maintained, taxed and MOT'd, that we were all fed and respectably and suitably clothed clothed, with neat hair and healthy teeth, and medicine when needed, that the utility bills were paid,that a broken washer/lightbulb/whatever was repaired/replaced, that all his family got birthday and Christmas presents, and if we went to a wedding the bride and groom got a pressie (and if it was a distance away that we had somewhere to stay while we were there). When we were doing the bit in our divorce where we wrote down our basic needs, he didn't include things like how much supplies for washing are, or dry cleaning, and yes his suits were dry-cleaned, because well I guess he thought detergent and the dry cleaners were free!
Does your DH ever buy any presents for the children and grandchildren for Christmas/birthdays, do you think he needs to start doing that? Then you wouldn't need to buy as many would you. And maybe he'd like to go out and buy the household things every other time, that sounds fair.
It sounds a lot like he is leaving a lot of life admin up to you, and id he shares the load a bit more he might be a bit more understanding

Lathyrus3

It’s not really about what you spent today is it? That wasn’t excessive.

It’s whether you spent yesterday and the day before and the day before that on stuff that is nice, but really just impulse buying.

I admit I’m a bit iffy about the cuddly toys for teenagers🤔

Only you know whether he is tight with money or maybe has a point.

...and I'm a bit iffy about him buying 'Ear wax'

My wife is an impulse buyer and a squirrel, buying stuff we don’t need and doesn’t get used, it’s one if the few faults and I don’t mention it.
In reality I waste far more myself so I’m not going to open that can of worms

Amazon EVERY day is a bit excessive! Are you really short of kitchen equipment?

Buy what you want and ignore him! You can't take it with you!!!. Are the cuddly toys not a bit young for mid teenage children? Seems more appropriate for under 10's

I think your DH is concerned about future care , especially if you have health issues .
In my area in the South East care homes are 2k a week , more if you need nursing or dementia care. So the OPs savings wouldn’t last long , unless you can get help.
My friends parents savings went on care for her mother , for her father a charge was put on their house for his care .
OP you really need to talk to your DH.
And regards the rabbits for teenagers , really !!!
Plus I volunteer in a charity shop and the amount of soft toys we get is crazy . Huge black bags of them .

fancyflowers

Patsy70

I don’t want to appear judgemental, but you do sound very frivolous to me. Do we really need to know how much savings you have? 🤷🏻‍♀️

The amount of savings we have is pertinent to my post. I mean, because we have a lot in savings, he shouldn't be bothered by my spending some of it.

If you think £ 130,000 is a lot of Savin gs, this to me is where you differ. I don't consider that a lot of savings and it will not even give you 2 years in a really good nursing home. I am with your husband on this 100% you need to think about your future.
It sounds to me like you are spending what he considers his earnings too easily and that is what he resents. He earned it, you spend it. I would not be happy either. I think you owe him to at least discuss your purchases with him before ordering. In our household that was always normal and we both earned good money. As for having daily Amazon orders that sounds incredible to me and it is like a red cloth to a bull to your husband obviously. As someone else said but your necessary household items in Aldi or any local supermarket when you have your food deliveries or if you go shopping then buy it then. I think you get a buzz from shopping, and I would say to you stop before it gets MORE out of hand.

Allira

He is rather cute but just another import from China.

☹

It is ugly in my opinion, at least the Jelly Cats are cute.

If you think £ 130,000 is a lot of Savings, this to me is where you differ. I don't consider that a lot of savings

Oh dear 😲

£130,000 sounds like a lot of money but it doesn’t go far if your house needs repairs.
if you need a new roof its about £10k depending on where you live. What if you need a new bathroom? All these things take a big lump out of savings so maybe he’s worried about keeping you both looked after in the future.

True dat re house repair costs all round. I checked just what it would cost these days to renovate a house (eg one like I'm now in and had to renovate).

Even a "flipper" level of house renovation - ie done on the cheap and just meant to look good enough for long enough to flog the house off for a profit and blow the poor buyer costs tens of thousands of £s (if I remember aright - even a 2-bedroomer like mine would now cost £50,000 or more to do up to "bodger"/surface standard.)

Doing a house up to "proper" standard (ie where it won't start falling apart/showing up as non-functional the second you've sold it) costs twice as much as a "cheapskate for profit" do-up.

I would not be at all surprised if even a standard "executive" type house (say 4 beds, more than one bath, a utility room as well as kitchen) easily got to £100,000 or more for a "proper" level renovation. I was only told the other day that a nearby house (reasonable size - not large) - and I can see that one obvious aspect was done to "bodger standard" and not "proper standard" - has cost £250,000 to renovate.

£130,000 would soon vanish actually on even say a 3 bed/utility room as well as kitchen/2 bed house that got fully renovated to a proper standard.