Aibu

I understand you have been friends for a long time, has he always wanted more than friendship, if not why do you think this has changed recently? I would say "you are happy to stay friends but if he feels like he needs something more than you are able to give him perhaps it would be better all round if he walks away from the friendship but if he changes his mind in the future you are happy to reconnect and stay purely friends".

You are a married woman. Stop messing about for goodness sake and sort yourself out.

Of course he’s being unreasonable. You sound like you’ve been more than clear with him that you’re not interested in anything more than friendship.
Next time he threatens not to speak to you ever again be strong and say ‘so be it’. You are not responsible for his happiness.

Sorry I pressed to soon , you are therefore putting it the onus on him to end the friendship not you.

Yes...that's just what iv done this evening...he's saying " iv broken him?"... I feel badly for him.... But surly I'm not responsible for his happiness?

Thankyou....x

Ty x

Thankyou....I just needed some reassurance that I'm not responsible for his happiness from fellow women! X

is he being unreasonable
Did you seriously need to ask strangers on a forum 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sometimes it's just nice to get people's opinions isn't it? We feel a bit overwhelmed by emotions if we have known someone for a very long time and then they seem to change!

Jen67patte

Sometimes it's just nice to get people's opinions isn't it? We feel a bit overwhelmed by emotions if we have known someone for a very long time and then they seem to change!

I can’t speak for you but as an adult femail who’s been round the block a few times I don’t need to ask strangers if it’s unreasonable for a long standing male friend to want to have sex with me and then gets the huff because I’ve told him to go himself.

There’s a word missing in the last sentence after go and before himself
I trust you know what it is?

Thankyou...I can guess what the word is ...but maybe I haven't been around the block as much as you?.... I struggle sometimes with emotional issues and just needed a space to ask for opinions from other worldly wise women

The upshot of the evening is that I'm happy I've made the right decision! Many thanks ladies x

Some of the comments are harsh, OP does not expect to be told, she has asked for advice.
This man has been a good friend for years, she likes him plutonically, he wants more. He is putting everything on her and wrongly, OP feels guilty. He states this lady has broken him, he is a d... and trying to deflect his own shortcomings on her. Don't fall for this, you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

Thankyou for this reply.... very much appreciated 🙏

That's not "love". It's manipulative abuse.

He's a selfish bully to threaten, coerce and punish you.
for refusing his sexual demands,

Look at the horrible, disloyal way he's treating his longterm partner; clearly has no thought for their feelings.

No reasonable relationship has ‘demands’ as part of it. You’ve done the right thing OP. Is your husband aware of any of this?

He sounds a bit childish, to be honest. You're better off without someone who blackmails you into doing what they want.

Again thank you ladies for all your replies...I agree with what you have all said...it's nice to just have you echo what I've been wondering. So grateful.

Tell him to sling his hook. Same silly games men play, guilt tripping even in their older years. What fools do they take us for?

That is absolutely not what love means, and I think you know it isn’t. He is trying to coerce you into a behaviour you know is inappropriate and will not lead to a happy outcome for anything but the organ in his pants. For your own sake - because his is irrelevant here - if he’s threatening to end your “friendship” you’re better letting him do just that.

Why do men think this is ok?

Was it love or infatuation on his part? You’re married and he’s in a relationship……..do your respective partners know about your friendship?

He does sound like a very controlling person - note, I didn’t describe him as a gentleman - but can I ask…….did the four of you all socialise together?

Oh please.

I dont normally comment on such threads, but this one rather takes the biscuit.