Aibu

Thankyou all so much ladies again....you have literally echoed everything I have been saying to myself ( and him!!!) and I am feeling much stronger now in my own mind...... many thanks and a merry festive season to everyone who celebates X

What is it with men?

What is it with you OP?
This is a no brainer, walk away before people get hurt.

Strewth

"What you concentrate on, grows".

Concentrate on something else that is not this man , Jen 67 Patte

Is this the male friend you became reacquainted with in April when you told us your husband was not meeting your emotional needs? I think you enjoy being pursued by this man, maybe you find it boosts your ego and gives you something you don’t get in your marriage. If you love your husband concentrate on working at your marriage and stop the flirtation.

You are absolutely NOT responsible for his happiness and it is HE that is being unreasonable not you.
If your husband got the wrong end of this stick your marriage could be done real harm;
Also if this was misrepresented or misinterpreted his partner could blame you not him.
I'd keep proof of my rejecting his advances if I were you.
I appreciate you don't want to lose an old friend but he is leaving you no choice.
Tell him that.
Good Luck.

"Organ in his pants." Made me smile.

If you give in to this emotional blackmail, it'll be a one-off and he'll suddenly "realise how important" his partner is, and you won't see him for dust.

Your husband meanwhile will no doubt hear about it and who knows how he might react?
You could quite easily end up alone.

Time to banish this "friend" from your life and block all contact with him.
He's playing a very unpleasant game with you 😠

Imo it's perfectly possible for a man who would "like more" from a woman he is friends with to just remain friends.

I had a male friend way back when that I was informed was visibly hoping for "a relationship" with me - but friendship was all it was. I didn't want more than that - even when mutual friends told me he did.

I've got a male friend now who I've been told would like "more" - but same thing again and friendship is all I want from him.

Though I do think sometimes it would be helpful if my feelings etc werent such that men tend to divide into 3 categories for me. Male friends are highly likely to be intelligent. Male boyfriends or would-be other love interests are highly likely to be good-looking but not intelligent. That's just how it's always been for me - whilst I hoped I could find a man that was both intelligent and good-looking (but that never happened).

So - yep...you're both "otherwise engaged" and so you'll have to make it clear to him that that is how it is and you won't be changing your mind on that front. That's life...he can either take it or leave it.

For goodness sake Jen67, get a grip! He wants sex with you and has a long term partner- what does that say about him!?
Get rid of him , he is manipulative. selfish and has no respect for his partner or for you .

h sounds like a predator

People who love you don't give you ultimatums. I suspect you've become a bit of a challenge and if you give in you will get the 'I feel so bad now for cheating on my wife and don't think we should see each other any more' treatment.

You are married, so how about simply defining the concept of adultery for this man? Point out that you are not willing to treat your husband so badly.

If your friend cannot see the point, are you really going to risk your marriage by giving in to his demands?

Giving in to emotional blackmail is just as slippery a slope as giving in to any other unreasonable demand.

As rafichagran said upthread, don’t fall for this, and I see you haven’t. Stick to your decision. He’s not really a ‘friend’, is he?

You definitely do not need him as a friend.
What a tool

You're married and have no intention of leaving your marriage. Hopefully during all the years you have known this man you have believed yourself to be "friends" with this man rather than "in a relationship"?

You do not want to "take things to the same level he is asking" - what has the level been over the years- and what exactly level is he requesting? Is his current request sudden and a surprise to you?

Without understanding the background, I am at a loss as to how after so many years this male friend, who has his own partner would suddenly ask a married woman who he has known for years that he loves her and wants to "take things further"?? Thus it's difficult to answer your question/s one way or another. Apart from the fact of course taking things to another level would surely be hurtful for your husband and his long term partner.

What do YOU think is the reason for your male friend's sudden change Jen67patte? Plus is his long term partner a joint friend and do you and your husband socialise with them as a couple together? I just don't understand the history and dynamics of your friendship with this man or how that sits with your husband and his long term partner. Sorry- your post raises more questions than answers for me I'm afraid...

So, the flirting has got out of hand?

A good friend doesn’t issue such ultimatums if he has real feelings for you he will back off and respect your wishes.
You need to forego this so called friendship and get on with your life. This man’s happiness was never your responsibility, but your happiness is.
Cut ties now.

You are both in committed relationships. His behaviour is out of order and you must knock it on the head as you have done.
The underlying difficulty is that it is flattering to have this sort of attention and makes you prey to emotional manipulation. You have resisted this .... the right thing to do.

Oh please.

I dont normally comment on such threads, but this one rather takes the biscuit.

Was it love or infatuation on his part? You’re married and he’s in a relationship……..do your respective partners know about your friendship?

He does sound like a very controlling person - note, I didn’t describe him as a gentleman - but can I ask…….did the four of you all socialise together?

That is absolutely not what love means, and I think you know it isn’t. He is trying to coerce you into a behaviour you know is inappropriate and will not lead to a happy outcome for anything but the organ in his pants. For your own sake - because his is irrelevant here - if he’s threatening to end your “friendship” you’re better letting him do just that.

Why do men think this is ok?

Tell him to sling his hook. Same silly games men play, guilt tripping even in their older years. What fools do they take us for?

Again thank you ladies for all your replies...I agree with what you have all said...it's nice to just have you echo what I've been wondering. So grateful.

He sounds a bit childish, to be honest. You're better off without someone who blackmails you into doing what they want.

No reasonable relationship has ‘demands’ as part of it. You’ve done the right thing OP. Is your husband aware of any of this?