Financial coercion

Do you have access to this savings account Sally? I’m guessing not.
So then your husband is able to take what he wants from your bank account yet you are unable to withdraw your own money which is under his control.

I hope you have support from family or a friend to tackle him about this.

MollyNew

It's the final sentence of the OP which bothers me most - you shouldn't have to ask for your own AA and neither should you be scared to ask.

Yes agree , this is a major concern and hope the OP has a good friend/relative to support her 🤞🏻

And, possibly, not just financial support.

My father did this 25 years ago. I think he received a carer's allowance for my mother, and banked the money in a savings account, but refused to spend it on buying in services to help: shopping, cleaning, heating etc. Her social workers/nurses? were involved and could not persuade him to use it, but they were able to arrange for her transfer to a nursing home, with her and my consent.
I hope sallywally can arrange to stop the payments from her account to the savings account but she may need support.

Why does he have access to your account ?

Perhaps he should come and chat to some of us.
Being autistic or having Asperger’s does not give him the right to take your money.
Have you ever stood up to him, you need to ‘tell’ him ( not ask him) that you need that money for your new battery and use it for just that if you have an account you can use
Also tell him your AA is going to stay in your account in future
Do you have adult children ?

Sallywally1

I feel as though I am treading on egg shells. It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account. I do have my own very small pension too and of course my state pension. It’s complicated. He is very good with money and budgets very well. But he does have a short temper which he admits to and can be very controlling (my way is best for example). He is on the autistic spectrum and has Asperger’s I think.

It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account.

How does he have access to your account?

Btw, as I often say to our adult autistic daughter, being autistic isn’t an excuse for being a horrible person!

Yes, I think it’s coercive, have a good long think about your future together

That’s entirely your money for your disability and should go into your account.

Sallywally1

I receive the lower part of AA having arthritis in shoulder and developing in hands too, my car is essential to me to get around. When I received it my D DH immediately took it over to decide how it should be spent. I think this is financial coercion. Am I wrong? It need a new battery and I want to ask for the AA to pay for this, but am too scared to ask

Sally Wally I think this is financial abuse. He should not on any level think that it is ok to take over YOUR money from YOUR account and transfer it to a savings account against your wishes, stopping you from getting what you need to spend it on

He may not see it as financial abuse but it is! And the fact that you are afraid to ask suggests this is part of a pattern

I think you need help and advice about your situation regarding the money but also about possible other aspects of your relationship and what YOU want to do about it Maybe start with Age UK 💐

Sallywally, why not 5am the car to your usual service centre, ask them to fit a new battery and send the invoice in the post…….addressed to your husband??

DH and I have a variety of accounts -joint and personal. All available on line and accessible to both of us. He deals with finance, mostly, as it is his thing. So, it would be easy fir him to move 'my' money around.

But, he is not coercive or controlling.

Presumably, the OP's DH has always been this way so it isn't quite as easy as saying 'be assertive' to her. It is probably a huge step for her to contemplate.

If the money is paid into your account he should not have access to it ! If however he has ' persuaded ' you to agree to transfer the money into a savings account then you must put a stop to that! Go to your bank ( alone of course) stop the transfer immediately.
This will cause trouble but once you stand up to him he will eventually back down- he has no option. After a lifetime of financial arrangement he will find it difficult - tough !!!!! He needs to understand that you are a force to be reckoned with and in time he will. The AA is YOUR money, you need your car to get about , if you need a new battery then that is what the AA is for! Get familiar with being pro active, you will be surprised at how easy that is once you start! Be brave and good luck.

It's the final sentence of the OP which bothers me most - you shouldn't have to ask for your own AA and neither should you be scared to ask.

Sallywally, is he transferring the AA money from your joint account into a savings account in his name?
You should not be walking on eggshells or feel too scared to spend money that has been awarded to you. Your DH is on the autistic spectrum and that may have a direct influence on his behaviour. However..........this your money paid to you for your benefit ! If you don't have a bank account in your name may I suggest you open one , contact DWP that pay you the A A and ask them pay the next payment into your account. I know this may well cause trouble but you are fully entitled to do that.
I hope you are ok ? No one should be afraid of how their partner/ spouse may react over something like this. I hope you have a friend you can confide in?
How this money is spent is not his decision, it is your decision! This money is to make your life as easy as possible it is not for your husband to do as he likes with.
Everyone here is of the same opinion, please take action and ensure the money is paid into an account in your name. It will cause a row I recognise that, but needs must! Would it help to show him the response ftom GN - or would that enrage him ?

Do I deduce that the OP and husband have separate accounts, but all of them are joint.

We do this, mainly because DH's work involved lots of overseas travel to 'interesting' countries before mobile phones and computers and it meant I could pay his credit card and deal with other financial affairs if necessary,when he was away.

We have never changed this. However, although all our accounts are joint. Neither of us would dream of looking at or accessing each others personal accounts. Each partner destroys the cash cards sent to them for the other persons private account.

I suspect Sally's DH has always managed their financial affairs and, as a rule, she has been happy to acquiesce in this, any successful marriage involves a lot of give and take, but I think, this time her DH has overstepped the mark, and as he is not used to being ueired or contradicted on financial matters, he may make a fuss. But in a situation like this, you either go under or you grit your teeth and accept that you are going to need to cause a row and you go ahead and do it. Sally knows, that she will have almost everyone on GN to giver encouragement and support if she does tell her DH very firmly that this money is hers, that it is staying in her account and she will decide how to spend it.

I think we’re getting into too much detail here.

It is clearly the case that the OP has a husband who is very dominant, it’s very hard to claw back control when habits have been formed, he obviously has access to her account.

The OP needs to find a way of regaining control of her finances.

The options are a full and frank discussion or resetting passwords/closing accounts and setting up new ones.

Both are going to cause ructions but it’s a necessary evil.

I hope the issue is resolved as painlessly as possible.

It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account.
Only you can transfer money from your own account into another. He can't put it into another account.... only you can do that. You need to not do it .... cancel the standing order or whatever process is there for transferring it.
If he is in some way forcing you to transfer it then he is breaking the law. The money is paid to the claimant and is theirs to do whatever they like. There are good reasons for this to be in the law.

How is your husband able to put your allowance, paid into your account, into a savings account without your permission?
Stop the payments from your account by contacting your account holder.
Whose name is the savings account in?

My first thought is that it is your money for your use to make life better for you.
My second is, what is he saving for?
Perhaps you should suggest the the car battery money should come out of savings.
He may be good at budgeting but he should not be allowed to decide how your money is spent.
Having said all that, my own H had similar ideas until I learned how to overcome it so I know how you feel.

1. How does he manage to take it out of an account that is just yours?

2. Whose name is on that savings account - yours? his? joint?

3. Do both your pensions get transferred by him into this savings account?

4. What sort of bills paying set-up have you got generally between you?

Financial coercion is a form of domestic abuse. Tell him to transfer your AA immediately or you will notify the relevant authorities. You have to stand up for yourself.

I feel as though I am treading on egg shells. It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account. I do have my own very small pension too and of course my state pension. It’s complicated. He is very good with money and budgets very well. But he does have a short temper which he admits to and can be very controlling (my way is best for example). He is on the autistic spectrum and has Asperger’s I think.

*mindsets

My phone has a mindset all of it's own.

It's often about more than the one thing though Isn't it. It's mind sers.