Financial coercion

A little confused the AA is for your benefit not your husbands. How do you usually pay for things? For instance if I needed a new car battery I would take my car to the garage to get it fitted and pay via our bank account, might mention it to my DH but wouldn’t ask his permission.

I pay for things like shopping for food, my car and household appliances. But my point is not asking for permission, but is him taking over my AA control?

Does it not go into your bank account along with your pension ect how is he taking control of it ? Sorry if I am being a bit thick but all our pensions ect go into our bank account which we both have access to.

Sallywally you obviously feel you have a problem are you used to sharing out the money, paying between you both, or do you normally pay for things separately ?
How does your husband get hold of your allowance ?
You say you’re scared to ask this doesn’t sound a healthy marriage you shouldn’t be scared… scared of what ….physical violence ??
You say when you got awarded the AA he immediately took it over ? What does that mean ? How ?

This sounds much more and much bigger than money issues

If you are scared to ask for money (especially for money that is there to help you) then something is definitely wrong.

Do you have separate accounts?
If so it should be paid into yours.
Is it coercion or is it abuse?

What do you mean by "When I received it my D DH immediately took it over to decide how it should be spent"? What is the "D"?

Darling I think NotSpaghetti (daft anagram in my eyes but hey ho what do I know)

AA is awarded to support personal care and mobility.

The AA will have been paid into the back account nominated by the claimant. Sallywally has clearly paid this into their joint account.

This is easily rectified, simply ask the DWP to amend your AA payments to your sole account and in the meantime demand that your husband allow access to the AA money to pay for your car battery.

This beggars the question as to what her DH is actually spending the AA on though.

Astitchintime I might be wrong but to me Sallywally sounds as if she may be afraid to ask her husband to stop using her money, and she may not have a sole bank account maybe they just have a joint one, so it may not be easily rectified.

Sallywally how is your marriage? are you afraid of upsetting or annoying your husband your last words are ‘I would be scared to ask‘ are we talking physical or mental violence here ?

AA is OPs and should be in an account that she controls for her to use for her benefit alone.

For her husband to take control he must have directed her to have the AA paid into an account he controls.

Lower rate AA is just short of £75 a week. £300 a month, a not inconsiderable amount.

Yes, that’s a fair amount of money, presumably awarded after careful assessment. It’s aimed enabling the individual pay for necessary practical support.

It sounds like financial coercion and relationship problems. At least

Coercion financial or emotional is abuse Sallywally and became a criminal act on December 29th 2015. No one should be afraid of their husband/wife/partner and if they are, this raises serious concerns about the relationship.

If you only have a joint account, have you considered opening an account in your name only, or are you afraid to do so?

As the OP is on AA lower rate I would think her husband is the named person who is helping her with certain daily activities so therefore he thinks he should have access to that money.

Agree with everyone else.

How would you have paid for a new battery if AA hadn't been awarded?

I do not see how he can take it over. It is paid to you, presumably into your own account if you have one or into your joint account. Either way you can simply do with it what you will - you do not need his permission. He cannot control it.

It's often about more than the one thing though Isn't it. It's mind sers.

*mindsets

My phone has a mindset all of it's own.

I feel as though I am treading on egg shells. It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account. I do have my own very small pension too and of course my state pension. It’s complicated. He is very good with money and budgets very well. But he does have a short temper which he admits to and can be very controlling (my way is best for example). He is on the autistic spectrum and has Asperger’s I think.

Financial coercion is a form of domestic abuse. Tell him to transfer your AA immediately or you will notify the relevant authorities. You have to stand up for yourself.

1. How does he manage to take it out of an account that is just yours?

2. Whose name is on that savings account - yours? his? joint?

3. Do both your pensions get transferred by him into this savings account?

4. What sort of bills paying set-up have you got generally between you?

My first thought is that it is your money for your use to make life better for you.
My second is, what is he saving for?
Perhaps you should suggest the the car battery money should come out of savings.
He may be good at budgeting but he should not be allowed to decide how your money is spent.
Having said all that, my own H had similar ideas until I learned how to overcome it so I know how you feel.

How is your husband able to put your allowance, paid into your account, into a savings account without your permission?
Stop the payments from your account by contacting your account holder.
Whose name is the savings account in?

It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account.
Only you can transfer money from your own account into another. He can't put it into another account.... only you can do that. You need to not do it .... cancel the standing order or whatever process is there for transferring it.
If he is in some way forcing you to transfer it then he is breaking the law. The money is paid to the claimant and is theirs to do whatever they like. There are good reasons for this to be in the law.

I think we’re getting into too much detail here.

It is clearly the case that the OP has a husband who is very dominant, it’s very hard to claw back control when habits have been formed, he obviously has access to her account.

The OP needs to find a way of regaining control of her finances.

The options are a full and frank discussion or resetting passwords/closing accounts and setting up new ones.

Both are going to cause ructions but it’s a necessary evil.

I hope the issue is resolved as painlessly as possible.

Do I deduce that the OP and husband have separate accounts, but all of them are joint.

We do this, mainly because DH's work involved lots of overseas travel to 'interesting' countries before mobile phones and computers and it meant I could pay his credit card and deal with other financial affairs if necessary,when he was away.

We have never changed this. However, although all our accounts are joint. Neither of us would dream of looking at or accessing each others personal accounts. Each partner destroys the cash cards sent to them for the other persons private account.

I suspect Sally's DH has always managed their financial affairs and, as a rule, she has been happy to acquiesce in this, any successful marriage involves a lot of give and take, but I think, this time her DH has overstepped the mark, and as he is not used to being ueired or contradicted on financial matters, he may make a fuss. But in a situation like this, you either go under or you grit your teeth and accept that you are going to need to cause a row and you go ahead and do it. Sally knows, that she will have almost everyone on GN to giver encouragement and support if she does tell her DH very firmly that this money is hers, that it is staying in her account and she will decide how to spend it.