Giving unasked for and unwarranted opinions.

Sometimes it's hard seeing people make what your perceive as mistakes.
I am very close to someone who makes some very silly decisions and I question them.
Sometimes I think I'm wrong to do this but I hope that eventually the penny may drop.
I think it is called being a friend?
I could be wrong about this, of course, and keep my mouth shut while the same things happen over and over...

I think it is often not what you say, but the way that you say it, and knowing when to say something and when to shut up.

My dearest friend is opinionated, not helped by having been a judge, at times I want to tell her to 'shut-up', but we have known each other for over 70 years and we both know that we can - and do - turn to each other in any emergency or distress.

Allsorts I have this too with my sister who according to her always knows best. She can be infuriating but luckily I can tell her to just shut up because she is getting too bossy and she generally will.
With a friend is a bit more tricky, tbh just tell her/him you don’t want to talk about it and start another conversation. Perhaps put the onus on the friend and ask them about their lifestyle choices.
All the best.

I belong to a social club group and the leader is dreadful. They treat everyone as if they were doddery old fools and, should one offer an opinion, it is shot down in flames, as their way is the right way. I am leaving this group and transferring to another shortly as, after spending a short time having tea and cake with said person, I was shocked at the way they talked about other members both to their face and behind their backs. As said person has all their fingers on the button, other members have just given up and are grateful they don't have to bother.

Of course she is entitled to her opinions Allsorts, just as you are and if in your opinion your life would be better without hearing quite so much of her opinions then so be it.
I can't begin to tell you how very much happier & content I felt when I'd weeded out such people.
Very often this type of 'personality' is terribly self obsessed and perfectly lacking in empathy, altogether rather boring.

Allsorts

People giving opinions on your life choices you have not asked for, it really irritates me. I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone elses life choices but a friend if mine constantly does. I have told her several times I do what I think best thankyou but she doesn't listen, just says as my friend she is entitled to her opinions.

When she says she is entitled to her opinions maybe try "Yes you are. So am I!" or " Yes you are. And I am entitled to not listen to them/to not agree with them"

If she carriees on maybe "Look. I like chatting to you but not about things that are my choice and we are not going to agree on. So let's talk about ...which is far more interesting than us two not agreeing on what I have chosen to do about ..."

I have used versions of those and found them pretty effective. 😏

Everyone is entitled to have an opinion, but that’s not the same thing as being entitled to force your opinions on others.

It’s an obnoxious personality trait to feel so self-important that you prioritize sharing an unsolicited opinion on someone’s life choices over the comfort and feelings of the other party. I am opinionated and I will share my opinion on a loved one’s personal choices, but only if it is solicited unless there is genuine, objective, imminent danger in play. Otherwise, I find it best to let people live their lives as they see fit.

Sharing an opinion isn’t more important than a loved one’s feelings.

keepcalmandcavachon

Of course she is entitled to her opinions Allsorts, just as you are and if in your opinion your life would be better without hearing quite so much of her opinions then so be it.
I can't begin to tell you how very much happier & content I felt when I'd weeded out such people.
Very often this type of 'personality' is terribly self obsessed and perfectly lacking in empathy, altogether rather boring.

Yes, if you are put off by people hammering home their opinions to the detriment of a relationship then you move away from those people. I have done this several times in my life and know it was the best thing to do.
With family it isn't the same.

keepcalmandcavachon

Of course she is entitled to her opinions Allsorts, just as you are and if in your opinion your life would be better without hearing quite so much of her opinions then so be it.
I can't begin to tell you how very much happier & content I felt when I'd weeded out such people.
Very often this type of 'personality' is terribly self obsessed and perfectly lacking in empathy, altogether rather boring.

I recall when we had our first baby my mother often gave her opinion and advice as, in her words, she was entitled to do. I told her she was indeed entitled, just as she was entitled to give her opinion on the current issues at the UN and on our manager's team selection for Saturday's match, just as long as she didn't expect them to take any notice of her! Two opinions counted and hers didn't make the cut!
Living abroad was bliss, just those pesky visits to the UK to endure.

My friend is lovely in other ways, she just sometimes cant help telling me what I should do, I tell her its right for her but not for me, she then tells me I wouldn't know unless I have done it. .I would never not want her friendship though.
Your relationship with your mother sounds very fraught, with my mother I knew when she gave advice it was from a good place and I lost her too young. A pity your trips back here were such a trial.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions. They don't have to voice them.

I've usually found that the opinions that irritate me are from people who are entirely unlike me. Like my mother, always telling me it wasn't safe to wander around on my own at night; that I would hate living in London; that I would miss living in a place where no one knew me, blah, blah, blah - all based entirely on how she felt about life and not how I felt.

Allsorts

My friend is lovely in other ways, she just sometimes cant help telling me what I should do, I tell her its right for her but not for me, she then tells me I wouldn't know unless I have done it. .I would never not want her friendship though.
Your relationship with your mother sounds very fraught, with my mother I knew when she gave advice it was from a good place and I lost her too young. A pity your trips back here were such a trial.

Having a good friend is priceless so perhaps just try to change the subject whenever she tries to advise you. Is unlikely she will change but you can try to avoid trigger points. Turn the conversation onto her and what she has been doing if you feel she is gearing up for an advice giving session.
Some friends see giving advice/opinions as being helpful.
Enjoy your friendship, is a wonderful thing.

Never a good idea, offering opinions without being asked for one.

I have a friend I see regularly and the opinion she frequently voices is 25% herself and 75% her late husband’s.
He was perfect in most ways and I get tired of “well G thought, well G believed”.
He isn’t here to query so I have to grit my teeth and say nowt.
She does have her own strong opinions though, last week it was she doesn’t know why I go to my Opticians as hers is far better.
Then she staggered me by criticising my friend who she has never met and saying that actually she doesn’t like anyone who is Catholic, I should have taken her up on that but I’m sorry to say I didn’t.

What irritates me is when people tell me what I should have done. 'Oh, why didn't you get a green one? They are so much better.' 'You should have gone on a Tuesday. You get a much better view'. 'Didn't you ask for a discount? You could have saved a million pounds!'

Unasked for advice is annoying, but advice that needs a time machine to follow is infuriating.

Allsorts

People giving opinions on your life choices you have not asked for, it really irritates me. I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone elses life choices but a friend if mine constantly does. I have told her several times I do what I think best thankyou but she doesn't listen, just says as my friend she is entitled to her opinions.

Of course people have opinions.

Opinions, unless asked, should be unspoken.

Mum suffered from the need to give opinions. I happily ignored her, smiled, prayed God would help me keep counting.

My Mum used to do this with my life choices and I would just say, "It's a good job you are living your life and I am living mine then." There wasn't much she could say after that.

I tend to answer ‘could you not have done xyz’ (when it’s too late to do it) with a straight ‘no’. The inevitable ‘why not?’ gets ‘because l decided against it’ etc, until there is no pretence that the enquiries are anything but intrusive, or a way of suggesting that the busybody is trying to show how much better they are at life.

Oh dear!

I have been known to say: Why would I want to do that?

When she offers her advice. you could just reply "There's clearly a difference of opinion. I find these personal remarks intrusive and unwelcome. Let's leave that subject and move on."

Allsorts

People giving opinions on your life choices you have not asked for, it really irritates me. I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone elses life choices but a friend if mine constantly does. I have told her several times I do what I think best thankyou but she doesn't listen, just says as my friend she is entitled to her opinions.

Yes, that's clearly irritating.
I suppose we just need to exhibit some patience in these circumstances. Just smile and say, "^We'll have to agree to disagree on that^", then change the subject. It doesn't sound as though she is likely to change her ways now and it's probably not worth losing her friendship over, is it?

I remember feeling very taken aback when a nice woman I knew said, 'Its OK for you Aveline, you have opinions.'
I felt sorry for her that she apparently didn't have opinions. I still wonder about it.

I don’t discuss politics with friends if they express an opinion I don’t respond as for other’s lifestyle, as long as I’m not paying for it I’m not bothered