Giving unasked for and unwarranted opinions.

yes ,Doodledog, I hate that too, as if what we've done is always wrong..

I always find that my ability to keep my temper and talk quietly to people wanting to have a shouting match with me is the best weapon for dealing with them, because anyone listening, however vaguely always assumes you are in the right because you do not raise your voice and when the shouter gets no response except quiet words, they realise that they are just making themselves look foolish and back off.

Absolutely agree Daisy25 we do indeed have a choice. Sometimes I just ignore such comments or say thank you for your opinion or thank you but I could not possibly comment and if possible just walk away. Opiniated people often want to make you angry so that you retaliate. If we keep calm and ignore them by not responding they are the ones left looking silly.

Some people love voicing their opinions, doesn't mean you have to agree with them...
Recently a couple of people were quite disrespectful towards me (their opinion on something that was irrelevant and not appropriate, very rude)
I just replied "not sure that is true" and then walked away. I will never have to engage with them again and nor would I want to.
(This happened at my Father's funeral).

So if people have an opinion you don't agree with you have a choice, you can disagree, ignore or just not engage with them again. 'let them' we all have a difference of opinions, different perspective and to be honest....I now choose my own peace as why waste my breath :-)

The only opinions which annoy me are those prefaced by, 'well, my husband says. . . '; when asked 'what do you think?' they simply repeat what he says.

Good for you MrsMatt it’s awful what people will blurt out sometimes isn’t it? Born with no filters.

MrsMatt
You're doing well.
I don't know how I'd manage but I hope I could be like you and others I know, not all working but busy volunteering.

Six months after my OH died, 2014, I was asked by his good friend why I haven't tried to find another fella. He couldn't understand why what he said was inappropriate and unwanted.

Another said to e that I was 'coping really well' couple of weeks after OH died. What did they expect? For me to sit in a corner moaning and rocking while being all 'whoa is me'. Life goes on after bereavement and things still have to be done.

I still work part time, and am constantly asked why I don't give up work and enjoy my 'retirement'. I work because I want to, it get me out of my house and I enjoy the daily banter with regular early morning customers. To be honest I can't think of anything worse than not have something to do 4 days a week.

Maybe I sound hard, but I have no siblings, mum and dad have passed and my three kids, now adults, all have their own lives. I know they would drop everything if I needed them but I am still here and have to get on with life on my own.

Imo the worst thing is when they've got "someone else's opinion" and not their own. Followed by that "someone else" clearly really does have that opinion - but the person you know is obviously just parroting it.

eg someone I'd thought of as a friend must have decided to "parrot" and I didn't even know who or what they were "parroting". We'd managed to get halfway through Lockdown - despite our different opinions on that (her making sure she followed it and me not following it). Then this someone obviously said something - I asked her who/I asked her what they'd said/why had she suddenly decided out of the blue to "cut things off" and there was simply no answer. I saw her scuttling off avoiding me after Lockdown was over....instead of explaining and so goodness alone knows why.

That sort of thing is upsetting...and we'd just "shrugged and moved on" for another issue - ie at Brexit I voted to come out and she voted to stay in and we just ignored those different opinions and carried on as before. Also I'd been sympathetic when her husband died and that meant she was now a widow.

So - one sometimes does just have to think "Well I can 'shrug and move on' on my own".....

So I'm none the wiser who has been stirring it...none the wiser about which direction they have been stirring it in - as she wouldnt say when I asked her and that was that. Just had to shrug and think "Well if you can't be bothered to have your own opinions and/or explain what's going on.....c'est la vie....goodbye".

So yep...I don't expect for one minute everyone I know will share my opinions on everything - as that ain't how Life is and one changes the subject quick if there's a major differing opinion (eg I have an otherwise good friend that has the polar opposite viewpoint to me on Palestine - and most definitely on the wrong side of that debate. So we have to keep off that subject - even though I think everyone else I know is on the Palestinians side for what they're being put through). When I was dating one of her sons quite some years back now (ie he was younger than me) I was well aware that if things had gone belly up and my sterilisation operation I'd had prior to meeting him had failed - I would have had to stay very well away from both her and her son until it had all been dealt with and re-emerge a couple of weeks later after the abortion was done - as I wouldnt have put it past them to try and physically stop me!

So - yep....basically imo one does keep off major contentious issues with friends unless you already know they've got the same opinion as yourself on them.

Yep...irritation indeed when someone else tries to tell you/influence you as to what your opinion should be and what you should do. Personally - I think I had to get "hardened" to that over time as I grew up - as I had a mother who was very determined she should decide how I thought...

I often enjoy discussing politics etc, with people who keep things civil - for me the irritation comes when people have to comment on whether you keep your eggs in the fridge or the best way to stack the dishwasher.

I can't recall having many conversations about my, or other people's life choices, with family or friends. I was surprised to learn that my oldest friend had voted for Brexit, but we just didn't discuss it and carried on being friends.

David49 I don’t respond as for other’s lifestyle, as long as I’m not paying for it I’m not bothered.

I agree. This seems a particular sticking point for some grandparents and leads to estrangement, of course that is my opinion.

I don’t discuss politics with friends if they express an opinion I don’t respond as for other’s lifestyle, as long as I’m not paying for it I’m not bothered

I remember feeling very taken aback when a nice woman I knew said, 'Its OK for you Aveline, you have opinions.'
I felt sorry for her that she apparently didn't have opinions. I still wonder about it.

Allsorts

People giving opinions on your life choices you have not asked for, it really irritates me. I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone elses life choices but a friend if mine constantly does. I have told her several times I do what I think best thankyou but she doesn't listen, just says as my friend she is entitled to her opinions.

Yes, that's clearly irritating.
I suppose we just need to exhibit some patience in these circumstances. Just smile and say, "^We'll have to agree to disagree on that^", then change the subject. It doesn't sound as though she is likely to change her ways now and it's probably not worth losing her friendship over, is it?

When she offers her advice. you could just reply "There's clearly a difference of opinion. I find these personal remarks intrusive and unwelcome. Let's leave that subject and move on."

I have been known to say: Why would I want to do that?

Oh dear!

I tend to answer ‘could you not have done xyz’ (when it’s too late to do it) with a straight ‘no’. The inevitable ‘why not?’ gets ‘because l decided against it’ etc, until there is no pretence that the enquiries are anything but intrusive, or a way of suggesting that the busybody is trying to show how much better they are at life.

My Mum used to do this with my life choices and I would just say, "It's a good job you are living your life and I am living mine then." There wasn't much she could say after that.

Allsorts

People giving opinions on your life choices you have not asked for, it really irritates me. I wouldn't dream of criticising anyone elses life choices but a friend if mine constantly does. I have told her several times I do what I think best thankyou but she doesn't listen, just says as my friend she is entitled to her opinions.

Of course people have opinions.

Opinions, unless asked, should be unspoken.

Mum suffered from the need to give opinions. I happily ignored her, smiled, prayed God would help me keep counting.

What irritates me is when people tell me what I should have done. 'Oh, why didn't you get a green one? They are so much better.' 'You should have gone on a Tuesday. You get a much better view'. 'Didn't you ask for a discount? You could have saved a million pounds!'

Unasked for advice is annoying, but advice that needs a time machine to follow is infuriating.

I have a friend I see regularly and the opinion she frequently voices is 25% herself and 75% her late husband’s.
He was perfect in most ways and I get tired of “well G thought, well G believed”.
He isn’t here to query so I have to grit my teeth and say nowt.
She does have her own strong opinions though, last week it was she doesn’t know why I go to my Opticians as hers is far better.
Then she staggered me by criticising my friend who she has never met and saying that actually she doesn’t like anyone who is Catholic, I should have taken her up on that but I’m sorry to say I didn’t.

Never a good idea, offering opinions without being asked for one.

Allsorts

My friend is lovely in other ways, she just sometimes cant help telling me what I should do, I tell her its right for her but not for me, she then tells me I wouldn't know unless I have done it. .I would never not want her friendship though.
Your relationship with your mother sounds very fraught, with my mother I knew when she gave advice it was from a good place and I lost her too young. A pity your trips back here were such a trial.

Having a good friend is priceless so perhaps just try to change the subject whenever she tries to advise you. Is unlikely she will change but you can try to avoid trigger points. Turn the conversation onto her and what she has been doing if you feel she is gearing up for an advice giving session.
Some friends see giving advice/opinions as being helpful.
Enjoy your friendship, is a wonderful thing.