Is my neighbour mean? Opinions please.

I’d listen to your daughter !

Your daughter talks sense.

She does let me use her green bin for garden waste. The council have said it is fine for neighbours to share as long as somebody pays. She has got a tablet and piggybacks my internet (which I have no control over as we live in adjoining terraces, so I feel like she gets recompense for the green bin.)

Your daughter is right.

I don't understand how you say you have no control over her 'piggybacking' onto your internet. Surely she must have your password to access it, so simply change the password.

I would find it intolerably intrusive if a neighbour kept buying me domestic stuff she "thought I would like."
It's not generosity, it's overstepping.

She doesn't reciprocate; which is further indication your "gifts" are unwelcome. Instead she suggests you go buy your own special offers and leave her out of it.

Yes I could. I am a bit of a wimp and afraid of making an enemy of a neighbour. Plus I would then have to pay for my own green bin subscription which is another bill I can't really afford.

I sound pathetic.

Meanness is my neighbour.
There have been so many examples but here are 2.
She asked me to do some sewing for her. I said I didn’t have that colour cotton. Her reply go and ask Jean, she’ll have some
Her best one was coronation day street party. I had collected the money to buy the necessary bits and pieces
Jollyfications over she wanted to save the paper table clothes.
This woman is a long way off from needing to save money.

butterandjam

I would find it intolerably intrusive if a neighbour kept buying me domestic stuff she "thought I would like."
It's not generosity, it's overstepping.

She doesn't reciprocate; which is further indication your "gifts" are unwelcome. Instead she suggests you go buy your own special offers and leave her out of it.

It is things she uses on a regular basis and is quite happy to take.

Desdemona, I think you need to put a stop to buying her things, no need to give any explanations……just stop. As for her using your internet, you must have given her the password at some point! No way would I allow this, just change the password and if necessary explain there’s been changes to the account. As for the garden waste, can’t you bag it and take it to your daughters.
This neighbour is taking you for a mug and you’re allowing her to.

Oh dear. Yes, that sounds like a very entitled person. Maybe these people had it tough in earlier life and now need to grasp everything then can?

Just a though.

Meant to say thought!

Wouldn't the cost of having your own green bin outway the amount you spend on your 'gifts' to her? I'd generally be concerned about sharing my internet with her as well. I don't know how this happened as I'm not tech geek but years ago all of a sudden I had access to a neighbour's internet. It was very worrying because I wondered if he or anyone else suddenly had access to mine as well. Afraid it's time for you to put on your big girl pants.

Desdemona

butterandjam

I would find it intolerably intrusive if a neighbour kept buying me domestic stuff she "thought I would like."
It's not generosity, it's overstepping.

She doesn't reciprocate; which is further indication your "gifts" are unwelcome. Instead she suggests you go buy your own special offers and leave her out of it.

It is things she uses on a regular basis and is quite happy to take.

I'd really prefer my neighbours not to peruse the details of my domestic life in such detail they know which products I use.

Never share a broadband connection with anyone unless you know what they are using the internet for. It risks your security, privacy and legal standing, leaves you open to potential malware and illegal activity that can be tracked to you IP address.

She may not knowingly be be doing anything wrong but she could easily leave you open to malware if she is not IT savvy.

(If you are both using your broadband for TV streaming, it will slowing down your own download speed.)

Who visits her? Are they also using your broadband? Change your password and tell her you have been advised to do so for banking security and can no longer share with her.

Pay for your own green bin from the money you save by not buying her stuff.

Desdemona

Yes I could. I am a bit of a wimp and afraid of making an enemy of a neighbour. Plus I would then have to pay for my own green bin subscription which is another bill I can't really afford.

I sound pathetic.

You gave her your wifi code and have no control over who else she shared it with .

Right now her crook nephew could be sitting in his car on the street hacking your bank account and ordering goods paid for by you .

If you have shared access to your online finance, you have terminated any financial protection from your bank.

You sound very kind but are trying too hard to make her like you. This is not an equal friendship and I think she does not respect you. Time to pull back and listen to your daughter.

Sensible post Graphite 👍
I'm not even happy about my family asking to use my internet password when they visit

Have you thought about what risks you face by letting her use your internet connection. In these days of scams and tricks she could possibly get hold of your bank details or through her careless use of it enable others to access your bank details and it cost you a fortune.

Just change the password, tell her you are doing this and say you have been alerted by your family of the dangers of this, so are changing everything. You could say your family aarranged for you to see a cyber security person and they told you to stop doing it. Just make up a story and lie to her.

It would infuriate me if someone started buying me things I didn't want.

You could offer to pay her half the cost of the green bin.

Continue to chat over the fence and be "good neighbours" to each other in a more or less balanced give and take style.

She may think she is "doing you a favour' by allowing you to regularly use her green bin. Why does your property not have its own green bin- have you asked your council? The cost of buying one for your own use provided by your council and the emptying of which may included in your council tax or may be an additional cost- what is the case for you? The average cost of buying a green wheelie bin privately would be around £35 to £70. Though if your council charges an additional subscription fee for green bin collection that could be £50-70 per annum. You currently may be making financial savings therefore by not having a green bin and your neighbour takes responsibility for wheeling it out on collection days. Thus your neighbour is saving you money and time.

However, irrespective of anything else, do change your internet password asap so that only you have access to your account. That is important and maintains your internet security.

I personally wouldn't buy 'something she likes or uses around the house on offer while shopping' as it oversteps a boundary and she does not do the same in return. However if you are saving money on green bin costs as outlined above your neighbour may see this as unspoken quid pro quo?

This isn't really about "meanness" its more about where you want to draw up your personal boundaries in respect of your neighbour- as currently you think there is a possibility you are a mug and your neighbour is being mean.

Desdemona

She does let me use her green bin for garden waste. The council have said it is fine for neighbours to share as long as somebody pays. She has got a tablet and piggybacks my internet (which I have no control over as we live in adjoining terraces, so I feel like she gets recompense for the green bin.)

You do have a choice, change your password to your Internet access!!

Desdemona: She does let me use her green bin for garden waste. The council have said it is fine for neighbours to share as long as somebody pays. She has got a tablet and piggybacks my internet (which I have no control over as we live in adjoining terraces, so I feel like she gets recompense for the green bin.)

But you both pay council tax? If so it's easy just to buy your own green bin if your council is unwilling to provide you with one. I would never tolerate another household piggybacking my internet- for evident cyber security reasons.

To have access to an internet account you need both the wifi code as well as the password- have you provided both to your neighbour? If so what was the history and circumstance of that beginning?

She might use all your data allowance - I am sure that though we think we have unlimited data on internet there is a clause about reasonable use.