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AIBU

Is my neighbour mean? Opinions please.

(126 Posts)
Desdemona Wed 08-Apr-26 12:49:40

I have lived next door to my neighbour for 26 years.

We are a bit apart in age, she being about 15 years older. She has a bit more money than me (not that it matters.) We chat over the fence, if she wants a favour she will ring my phone or holler over the fence but takes great exception if I do the same.

Sometimes if I see something she likes or uses around the house on offer while shopping I will get it for her. If she sees similar she will say "so and so is on offer, I should have got you one really, you should go there."

My daughter thinks I am a bit of a mug? I know I am but would like your thoughts.

4allweknow Thu 09-Apr-26 14:10:24

How much do you estimate to spend on the items for your neighbour compared to cost of a green bin. Would you be fined by Council if you used the non recycling bin for garden waste. You share the green bin so do you have a large amount or does the neighbour have the greater amount. I know folk who only have a small amount of garden and food waste, some compost and some just use the normal bin and we don't even pay for green bin but some don't want another bin (making 4 in total).
Your neighbour piggybacking on your internet is saving a fortune. You need to sort it all out ie stop buying for your neighbour, stop sharing the internet.
Listen to your DD.

pennyg Thu 09-Apr-26 14:09:25

Ours has just gone up to £72; it's a fortnightly collections, but for at least 4 months of the year we're not putting anything in it at all, so it works out at around £5 per collection ..... we have decided not to renew this year

Allira Thu 09-Apr-26 10:40:55

BlueBelle

Yes we are lucky they do take all my garden stuff all year round as apart from the very mid winter I do get plenty even mid winter there’s leaves and stuff

Yes, when they came for the one collection in thee NY they refused to take leaves - it was for Christmas trees!

notgran Thu 09-Apr-26 09:56:12

Suzieque66

YOU ARE A MUG !!!

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Doodledog Thu 09-Apr-26 04:16:52

Basgetti

Honestly? If a neighbour continually brought me stuff they thought I might like, I’d feel pretty uncomfortable about it.
Just do your own shopping.

I agree. It could make her feel beholden - which will be made worse if she feels you expect her to do the same for you.

BlueBelle Wed 08-Apr-26 23:25:58

Yes we are lucky they do take all my garden stuff all year round as apart from the very mid winter I do get plenty even mid winter there’s leaves and stuff

Basgetti Wed 08-Apr-26 23:22:18

Honestly? If a neighbour continually brought me stuff they thought I might like, I’d feel pretty uncomfortable about it.
Just do your own shopping.

Allira Wed 08-Apr-26 23:12:05

It’s a fortnightly collection and ours is all year round Allira

I think they assume no-one's doing any pruning in the winter, Bluebelle! Obviously not gardeners.

BlueBelle Wed 08-Apr-26 22:52:05

Kircubbin the green bin has a fixed amount to pay for its service each year Mine is £50 and worth every penny as I get a lot of garden waste It’s a fortnightly collection and ours is all year round Allira

Re the internet when I had new neighbours move in a couple of years ago they asked if they could piggyback off mine temporarily until theirs was completed I spoke to my kids about it and they said a BIG NO they said I had no idea who would be using it ( there were young teens) and anyone could visit and use it for porn or whatever and that would be on my head
I told the neighbours I d checked with my provider and it wasn’t allowed (yes a lie I know but …) they have been very decent neighbours and don’t seem to have held it against me for refusing
I m not a chummy neighbour (I mean in and out houses) but we speak pleasantly when we meet and I give them veggies from my allotment in the summer

Allira Wed 08-Apr-26 22:18:40

crazyH

kircubbin - here we have to pay about £25 per year ,for the green bin. This is for grass cuttings , twigs , pruned branches etc etc

Ours is £55 per bin.
Collections are fortnightly, not all year round.

crazyH Wed 08-Apr-26 21:47:15

kircubbin - here we have to pay about £25 per year ,for the green bin. This is for grass cuttings , twigs , pruned branches etc etc

kircubbin2000 Wed 08-Apr-26 21:38:30

Surely if you pay rates the council must give everyone a bin?

Allira Wed 08-Apr-26 21:26:16

To OP. I think I would be inclined to say that your Internet Service Provider has recently updated their Terms & Conditions which you took the time to read. You can say that you hadn’t realised that you weren’t allowed to share the internet connection and that the arrangement will now have to end. Give her a couple of week’s notice so that she can organise a broadband installation and then change your password. (If she drags her heels, change it anyway.) The neighbour may just accept the change and let the green bin sharing continue. If she plays tit for tat then you have your answer about meanness.

Good advice.

Graphite Wed 08-Apr-26 20:19:59

DD. The danger it from malware … which comes from malicious users … and can infiltrate a router’s security and infect all devices which share it.

Yes, a guest network, if someone knows how to set one up, will reduce the risk of malware attack but it can’t prevent a guest (or their guests) from visiting malicious websites on their own devices … which will still register to the same public IP address, as all internet traffic is routed through the same ISP connection.

So were they to do something illegal it could still come back to the person who has the contract with the ISP who, as I said before is likely to be be in breach of their contract anyway by letting the neighbour piggy back.

We are going down a tech rabbit hole when all OP is asking is whether she is being taken for a mug … and she is.

Leaving aside the dangers of network sharing, the neighbour is potential saving say £20-£25 a month in broadband costs while OP is saving probably about £60 a year for green waste collection.

To OP. I think I would be inclined to say that your Internet Service Provider has recently updated their Terms & Conditions which you took the time to read. You can say that you hadn’t realised that you weren’t allowed to share the internet connection and that the arrangement will now have to end. Give her a couple of week’s notice so that she can organise a broadband installation and then change your password. (If she drags her heels, change it anyway.) The neighbour may just accept the change and let the green bin sharing continue. If she plays tit for tat then you have your answer about meanness.

It’s worth pointing out that there are reductions for green bin collection costs for people who receive council tax support as well as broadband social tariffs for people on low incomes.

Allsorts Wed 08-Apr-26 20:14:45

If you are hacked you are asking for it, how could you have risked your safety like that if anything happens it would be your fault. Just change your settings and don't tell her. Just keep to yourself you need her like a hole in the head. Just say no.

Rocketstop2 Wed 08-Apr-26 18:54:42

Crikey she is getting a good deal, AND yes she's mean, or you're too nice.

Doodledog Wed 08-Apr-26 18:53:38

Sorry - rubbish formatting, but I hope it makes sense.

Doodledog Wed 08-Apr-26 18:52:57

Avast, Norton etc have a vested interest in selling anti-virus software.

I asked AI, and the summary is:
Bottom line
Malware spreading from sharing Wi-Fi is unlikely, especially on a modern, secure network.
Any risk mainly comes from:
Weak settings
Outdated devices
Or deliberately malicious users

It recommends using a guest wifi for others, turning off file share (the most likely way things are leaked) and keeping devices updated. It also says ^They (other users) can’t just connect and instantly install malware on your phone/laptop
They can’t access your apps or files without exploiting something.^

I'm not sure what 'exploiting something' means in practice, but it doesn't sound like something that a neighbour using your password would be able to do.

Oreo Wed 08-Apr-26 18:50:11

RosiesMawagain

It sounds to me as if you and your neighbour live too closely in each others pockets.
Good fences make good neighbors" is a famous idiom from Robert Frost’s 1914 poem "Mending Wall," signifying that clear boundaries and respect for personal space foster harmonious relationships.

Piggy backing on your Wi-Fi is something you need to change right away.
Likewise sharing green bins- for the small amount you may be saving, you are clearly losing independence, not to say peace of mind

I agree, makes sense.

Oreo Wed 08-Apr-26 18:48:47

valdavi

Oreo

I would ignore any neighbour who ‘hollered’ for me over the fence!!
She should go to your door or phone you.
Try and dial down all the nicey-nicey things you do for her as it sounds like a one way street.

My neighbours have always hollered for me over the fence - its my preferred way of keeping in touch with them.

Whatever suits you 😂

petra Wed 08-Apr-26 18:45:43

That’s better. So good and informative.

petra Wed 08-Apr-26 18:45:11

petra

Doodledog

How would malware get from the neighbour's device to the OP's? It can't jump from one machine to another via wifi.

I agree that it could be against T&Cs of the broadband provider, but I'm as sure as I can be that there is no risk of malware, password stealing or anything of the kind. I am not an IT expert though, so if someone can explain to me how that would work I am happy to be corrected.

This might interest you DoodleDog
It’s very good.
And you *https://www.google.com/search?q=if+i+had+malware+on+my+device+and+shared+my+password+with+my+neighbour+%2B+could+my+device+affect+her+device&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:62a70e5a,vid:qxbiuMblv5s,st:0

Having another go at the link that didn’t work.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxbiuMblv5s

Graphite Wed 08-Apr-26 18:39:01

It can't jump from one machine to another via wifi.

Oh, but it can.

Your router effectively creates and manages a local area network. Any device joining that network is effectively allowed to bypass the router’s security and it treated as a trusted device.

Do a search on “Can malware which infiltrates a domestic router spread to all devices one on the network?” The short answer is yes.

The search results will give you plenty of information on this linked to pages from anti-virus specialists such as Avast, Kaspersky and Norton who can explain it better than I can.

It’s one the reasons employers may prevent employees from accessing external websites, because of the risk of infecting the entire network.

petra Wed 08-Apr-26 18:35:52

Doodledog

How would malware get from the neighbour's device to the OP's? It can't jump from one machine to another via wifi.

I agree that it could be against T&Cs of the broadband provider, but I'm as sure as I can be that there is no risk of malware, password stealing or anything of the kind. I am not an IT expert though, so if someone can explain to me how that would work I am happy to be corrected.

This might interest you DoodleDog
It’s very good.
And you *https://www.google.com/search?q=if+i+had+malware+on+my+device+and+shared+my+password+with+my+neighbour+%2B+could+my+device+affect+her+device&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:62a70e5a,vid:qxbiuMblv5s,st:0

valdavi Wed 08-Apr-26 18:34:10

Oreo

I would ignore any neighbour who ‘hollered’ for me over the fence!!
She should go to your door or phone you.
Try and dial down all the nicey-nicey things you do for her as it sounds like a one way street.

My neighbours have always hollered for me over the fence - its my preferred way of keeping in touch with them.