Husband wants us to go to live in Portugal

Tenko

Do either he or you have an Irish passport?
If so , great, you’re good to go . If you have a British one, you’re subject to the 90 days rule . Unless you get residency which is expensive.
Ideally you need to spend some time over there exploring the areas you want to move to. And when you find somewhere, rent first before buying .
Never plow all your money into a property overseas . Buy a smaller property in the uk or wherever you live . I know a number of retirees who’ve wanted to move back if one of them is seriously ill or has died .
OP you obviously don’t want to move , but could you rent for 3-4 months . Your AC could come out to visit , also friends.
A friend of mine has spent 3 months in Spain during the winter, to get a feel for the area she likes . This is with a view to moving there.

Both our grandparents were Irish so I don't know whether we would qualify for an Irish passport.

Many years ago it seemed to be a thing for British older people to go to stay in Spain for the winter. I think hotels did special deals. An uncle of mine did this. It was 40-odd years ago though.

There is no way I would buy overseas. It is too complicated.

I would also worry about our health as we got older. Fortunately, we are both in good health at the moment, but who knows what is round the corner

I would consider renting an apartment for 4-6 weeks twice a year.

Graphite

^He seems very unsettled since he retired. His days seem without purpose. He says he hates gardening and doesn't really do DIY. He is not a reader and has one hobby which takes him out for the day.^

In a nutshell, he’s bored and needs more to occupy him. There’s more to life than gardening and DIY. And while moving anywhere can be a new lease of life, he’s underestimating the challenge of moving to a new country where English is not the first language. It’s one thing being able to order a couple of beers on holiday. It's quite another trying to speak to a plumber about unblocking a drain or getting someone out to fix the roof. If he doesn’t do DIY, that will be the reality.

You don’t say what his one hobby is but is it one where he enjoys talking to other enthusiasts? In that case, language could present a barrier and reduce his enjoyment of the one the thing he does like to go out to do.

It’s a very common problem for men to feel lost when they retire from paid work. I doubt he will feel any less lost if you move abroad, in fact, he could feel a lot worse and you will have given up so much for his silly pipe dream.

I remember staying in a friend’s apartment in Mijas (southern Spain) many years ago. It was a lovely complex overlooking a golf course but seemed very sparsely populated in summer, like a ghost town. It was so quiet, we drove into Fuengirola most days just to see some life or explored further along the coast. The woman next door was a widow from north west England. She explained she and her husband had sold up to move there and been happy. Then he died suddenly leaving her alone and short of money. She said she couldn’t afford to move back to England. She could neither speak Spanish nor drive which left her dependent on taxis which she could only afford to use sparingly. She talked and talked and talked as if she hadn’t spoken to anyone in months. I felt very sorry for her. Don’t let yourself be talked into a situation where you could end up in the same boat.

I think this would be the case - he won't feel any less lost if we moved abroad.

I would worry about ending up like the lady in Mijas

PinkCosmos
It’s still a thing We often park the motohome near the beach at Estepona. It’s a proper working town, not just a tourist spot.
We often have English people who are there for the winter coming over to have a chat.
There is an English estate agent on the front.
What people do is book into a hotel ( cheap as chips in the winter) for a week and then go to the estate agent.
Don’t book while you are still in the uk. That’s the best option for you and your husband.

ATM your husband just has this idea in his head and he's talking about wanting to go and live in Portugal. Nothing more really. Possibly a pipe dream of wanting a different life because he's disappointed in his early retirement experience?

Firstly I would simply suggest responding along the lines- "thats an interesting idea, have you looked into it in detail- would be good to find out what that would involve, the pros and cons etc. Why do you feel life would be better in Portugal- is there anything you would miss here in the UK?. What about healthcare access and costs as we age". Then leave it with him- he may or may not put in the effort to find out all the detail, list his pros and cons etc. If not the idea will simply wane as he is not sufficiently motivated

If your husband subsequently mentions the idea again- simple answer along the lines " have you looked into the detail yet and listed all the pros and cons" i.e. broken record technique- its his idea after all.

IF at any stage in the future he does look into things and brings written detail, a plan, pros and cons THEN you sit down together and discuss. For you clearly state what it is in your current life that you enjoy and value and why you fear losing that if you moved to Portugal. The pros and cons then become a joint effort. If you really don't want to go- you then clearly state your reasons why.

LemonJam Firstly I would simply suggest responding along the lines- "thats an interesting idea, have you looked into it in detail- would be good to find out what that would involve, the pros and cons etc. Why do you feel life would be better in Portugal- is there anything you would miss here in the UK?. What about healthcare access and costs as we age". Then leave it with him- he may or may not put in the effort to find out all the detail, list his pros and cons etc. If not the idea will simply wane as he is not sufficiently motivated

If your husband subsequently mentions the idea again- simple answer along the lines " have you looked into the detail yet and listed all the pros and cons" i.e. broken record technique- its his idea after all.

Excellent advice. Also holiday in Portugal several times a year. It is a lovely country, but I believe I'd find it hard to live there permanently.

I'm a home bird even more so with arthritis taking over. I don't even like the idea of going abroad for holidays anymore. I'm not a fan of sunbathing and never was I'm the wrong colouring for that.
I'm very happy at home and having short breaks in the UK. My DH has health issues too so we carefully pick places to visit.
It seems you have everything you need and want exactly where you are. If the idea doesn't appeal to you say so and stick to your guns and don't be swayed. Your DH has restless feet maybe suggest a short trip elsewhere rather than Portugal.
My friends DH has developed depression after retirement. He is obsessed about going on holiday. They appear to be living out of a suitcase most of the time. I personally would not put up with it but that's me.
I hope you can come to a compromise that will suit you both.

I hope you stand firm on this (I’m sure you will!) and as others have said it sounds like this idea will fizzle out. In any case I hope you post a catch up message on here to update everyone!

If as you say you would be left to look into it do so, but only give him info that puts blocks in the way like having to have a certain amount of money in the bank, have to have private medical and other things that make it very hard. That way you are not causing a rift in the marriage

I know two separate families who moved there and ended up coming home permanently to use the NHS when they were older.

Listen to yourself. Say No!

Renting an apartment twice a year is the best idea OP. You can choose different places and outside the very hot times. He can talk to people who have moved out there...and also try to talk to Portuguese people and see how his day to day language is. Pass the onus of sorting the details to him.
Selling up here is a very bad idea. Unless you downsize to something easily locked up and left and then have lots of holidays.

Just show him ALL of these replies.And see if you can compromise on going for a few weeks every now & then.Or maybe HE can go with his friend when he goes for a few weeks?

Maybe check out all the things mentioned here… costs, visas, healthcare ( vitally important…we never think anything is going to happen …until it does) lack of any rise in pension, loss of benefits if needed and no savings, etc etc… and make a list ( spreadsheet.?) of everything… then show him what it will cost.
What is his hobby, can he do it in Portugal… language problems, not everyone speaks English. Ease of getting British things/foods… all such will be more expensive over there.
So if you are the paperwork person…do this and show him the pros and cons both financially and mentally… loss of friends, amenities, grandchildren, etc.
Finally … maybe book a 2/3 month ( whatever is the maximum allowed) holiday rental, where you have to do all the catering etc, for yourself, and go out and find out what it is like actually LIVING there. That might change his mind, particularly if you insist on him helping with all chores etc, and not just sitting on a balcony being waited on!?

I dont see why folk get a pension paid from Britain,if they live in an EU country? Not if our Gov't keep saying its a BENEFIT,not something they have earned🤔surely Benefits are only allowed to be applied for/ paid if you live here.Or is that just private pensions from work etc?

Your husband sounds selfish, stick with your gut instincts, you've got all your family around you in this country, as a compromise rent a place a few times a year, if he won't except it, then maybe you need to make a BEST DESISION FOR YOURSELF.....there's a big difference in living in Portugal...and holidaying there...be careful...a wrong move, and you could find yourself very unhappy

I agreed to live in our current city in the UK and hate it . People are horrible. so on that basis I would say no.

go on holiday there and see if you can rent during the off season for a longer period

Since Brexit it is no longer possible to just up sticks and move to the EU.

Portugal requires an income of a minimum of €920 per month each. You would also need health care cover- you would probably qualify for an SI certificate when you are both over retirement age, but I’m not sure about top up charges.

We live in France- arrived pre-Brexit. I’m still working, DH is always busy with gardening/house renovations. Learning a new language is really hard. It’s one thing managing in shops or a chat but dealing with bureaucracy and medical or financial issues can be a nightmare. I guessing this would be all down to you- as it is for me. It has been, to say the least, a steep learning curve!

Check on the situation re driving licence and importing your car- I know it can very very costly!

Do you have grandchildren? The pull is very real (more so for women imho) and though they say they will visit, flights are getting more and more expensive and a visit once a year isn’t the same as living (relatively) close by.

It sounds to me that he is bored, possibly a bit lonely, and has latched on to this as a cure all without thinking it through.

This is a huge step, and you both need to be fully onboard or you might find yourself navigating a divorce in a foreign country!

My honest advise would be to get a camper van, or caravan, and get away more.

Nannan2

I dont see why folk get a pension paid from Britain,if they live in an EU country? Not if our Gov't keep saying its a BENEFIT,not something they have earned🤔surely Benefits are only allowed to be applied for/ paid if you live here.Or is that just private pensions from work etc?

You get your pension from the UK (it’s a contributory benefit) if you have paid your NI to qualify.
EU citizens who live in the UK also get their pensions from their home country in the same way.
There are UK immigrants living all over the world who claim their UK pension (based on their NI contributions). Some countries do not qualify for the regular increases, something to do with their reciprocal agreements I think.
What would you rather? That all UK immigrants have their pension entitlement taken away? All that would do is lead to a massive increase in pensioners returning to the UK , all needing housing and medical services which we all know are in short supply!

Nannan2

I dont see why folk get a pension paid from Britain,if they live in an EU country? Not if our Gov't keep saying its a BENEFIT,not something they have earned🤔surely Benefits are only allowed to be applied for/ paid if you live here.Or is that just private pensions from work etc?

Because it’s a Statutory Benefit It is laid down by law.

Just say no, tell him it's near a war zone, you will be bored off your head in a month, it's not what its cracked up to be, dont leave family and friends

As both our lads either live abroad or spend their working days abroad my late husband and myself once had the idea of living in Portugal until we added up how much their heath service would cost us as we both were taking medication at the time

I had a friend who moved to Spain, her husband got dementia and navigating that in a foreign language was a nightmare - none of the doctors could understand the subtle changes of early dementia - she sold up and returned home at huge financial loss.

On the other hand it's a nicer climate and the people I've met there are very friendly, but, of course, that's as a tourist, it's not always sunny and you may find people are less friendly when you live there without being fully conversant in the language - immigrants aren't always popular. Is there an extensive expat community to join? I never felt accepted by the locals, my friends were immigrants from all over the world and we all spoke English so at least there wasn't a language barrier.

Returning to the subject of healthcare, you need to know if you will qualify for state provision from day one or have to pay etc. Do you have the money to self fund if you became seriously ill? Check out pensions and any potential benefits like attendance allowance you might need as you get older and may not be available if you are outside the uk.

I've lived and worked abroad and since Brexit it's really difficult and expensive. It can be very lonely and you won't be there for your family if the need you and vice versa. There are long evenings to fill once the novelty wears off.

Suggest you tell your husband that once you're both fluent in Portuguese you'll consider it, and then sign up to language classes. Maybe go out there for a winter and see what it's like but keep the option of returning home until you've dipped your toes into the water - or better, if you're still working, and he's retired, send husband across by himself for a few months to see if he likes it and can make friends. If he can't do that then ask him what he thinks he'll do if you become ill or die and can't look after him out there.

Like I said, I've lived and worked in Europe and unless you are very well funded, fit and able to make friends it's pretty dire.

You say you don't want to go and you have a nice life with family and work in the UK. Seriously, why are you even considering it?

You would also want to have ‘ spare ‘ money in order to get back to Britain to see your family, or if there was a family emergency .

Don’t sell your house. Rent it out.
Keep a base in Uk if you decide to go. Or go for short lets and short visits.
Living abroad is complicated.
Let him do the legwork to find out the ins and outs.

If you decide to let out your uk home, it's quite difficult to remove people from it.
Something else to bear in mind, but I don't think you'll go to Portugal anyway.