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AIBU

Angry at husbands reaction

(13 Posts)
DancingDuck Fri 29-May-26 14:49:08

DH has children from a previous relationship whom I have been step-mum to since they were young and I love them very much. We were not able to have a child together ....long story but basically his fault... One of his DD's is pregnant and we visited recently and enjoyed spending time chatting and looking at all the lovely things she is gathering for the new arrival. On the way home I mentioned that while I am excited to be a Step-Grandma it is hard for me as it makes me really sad to realise what I have missed out on by not being a Mum. He said he knows how I feel - he obviously doesn't since he has his kids - and he was angry at me for mentioning it. One of my childless friends always said that you experience the grief twice - once when you realise you own journey is over and again when peers start having grandkids. AIBU to have expected a bit more understanding when he knows how much I longed for a child of my own?

crazyH Fri 29-May-26 15:04:10

DancingDuck - what your childless friend said is so sad.
We (mothers and grandmothers), never seem to realise the grief our childless friends carry.
I have 2 childless friends. When we go out as a group, there’s one particular person, who constantly talks about her children and grandchildren . This is getting to the point where we are considering not inviting her to our evenings out.
You are not being unreasonable. Your husband is quite insensitive

Dickens Fri 29-May-26 15:04:33

Oh dear, these kinds of AIBUs are always difficult to answer, because there is usually so much that is not said which might put a different perspective on the matter.

Firstly, I can understand your sadness at not having a child of your own, however you say the reason why is basically "his fault".

Is it possible that he felt guilted by your comment? That could explain why instead of being sympathetic, he became angry?

I'm sorry you're experiencing this pain and sadness.

Cossy Fri 29-May-26 15:07:35

What a sad situation.

Congrats on being a (step) Grandma xx

Of course you’re going mourn no biological of your own, but blood often makes little difference. Yes, you DH should have been more empathetic and tried to understand, but don’t dwell on it. DH might feel “guilty”, might just not understand or believe you “should be over this now”.

Enjoy the love and joy which will come from this new baby. thanks

Cossy Fri 29-May-26 15:10:52

Sorry about typos grrrr

Maremia Fri 29-May-26 15:12:09

I was going to suggest what Dickens just said.
Congratulations on the new baby. 🎊

Ilovecheese Fri 29-May-26 15:13:40

I don't really want to sound sexist but this does sound like a male reaction by your husband because he is unable to "fix" this for you. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about your feelings.
Like Dickens says, he might also feel guilty.

fancythat Fri 29-May-26 15:17:45

It is a difficult situation for you.

Is it possible you have mentioned it very frequently in the past, and he didnt want the "moment" , "ruined"??

JaneJudge Fri 29-May-26 15:18:30

could it be he feels sad that you didn't have a child together, rather than not understanding at all?

winterwhite Fri 29-May-26 15:30:45

It might not have been the wisest time to talk about this with your DH. It sounds as though he saw it as throwing cold water on a lovely occasion. You don’t say whether his first partner is still on the scene. If not and maybe even if so I see no reason why you need call yourself step.
This must have been a pang but you’ll surely overcome it and enjoy the baby and new family.

Oreo Fri 29-May-26 15:34:24

No you’re certainly not being unreasonable! Your DH is extremely insensitive, this new arrival to be just brings it all back again for you.
I would be angry too, and am, on your behalf🤬

eazybee Fri 29-May-26 15:46:31

Oh I am sorry for how you feel and hope that you will be able to enjoy the grandchild fully. Ignore your husband's comment and look forward to what is to come.
I have children but no grandchildren, and I have friends who talk incessantly about their grandchildren. Seek revenge by showing every photograph you can muster of the new baby ad infinitum, and say how you know how much they all enjoyed sharing baby photos, so they will love seeing yours!.

Gran22boys Fri 29-May-26 15:50:44

Dickens

Oh dear, these kinds of AIBUs are always difficult to answer, because there is usually so much that is not said which might put a different perspective on the matter.

Firstly, I can understand your sadness at not having a child of your own, however you say the reason why is basically "his fault".

Is it possible that he felt guilted by your comment? That could explain why instead of being sympathetic, he became angry?

I'm sorry you're experiencing this pain and sadness.

I entirely agree. He knows it is he that has meant you are childless.