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AIBU

He's bought her a mug!!!

(37 Posts)
spabbygirl Fri 14-Jan-22 14:14:57

my husband & I were on holiday this week & went to the Emma Bridgewater factory shop & he bought 2 mugs in the sale for friends. He's a gardener & does a garden for someone 5 miles away from his usual orbit & when I point out that is not cost effective he said he likes the lady, but now has bought her a mug in the sale. I haven't said anything but I think this is a bit too much like a gift for a friend rather than a work relationship, AIBU? He's great in every other way and I thought unlikely to stray - but you never know! Or am I just being paranoid?

Blossoming Fri 14-Jan-22 14:35:32

Maybe she bakes delicious cakes.

Serendipity22 Fri 14-Jan-22 14:45:42

Is it typical of him ( to buy friends things) ? Obviously i have no idea and so i can only go on my own personal thoughts of my husband, which would be its typical if him.

My husband does bits of gardening for people now hes retired and 1 lady is so thankful that she makes him cup of tea and homemade cake. He views his new little gardening job as 'helping others', so maybe your husband is like-minded and his caring side is coming out.

janeainsworth Fri 14-Jan-22 14:46:29

Or am I just being paranoid?

Not paranoid, but why don’t you just ask him?
Eg ‘Is it her birthday?’
Or, more cuttingly if that’s your style, ‘Do you think she needs more mugs?’
Or if you prefer to comment rather than question,
‘I hope that goes with all her other mugs’
‘I hope she likes it’

I doubt he is ‘straying’ - giving her a mug is hardly a romantic gesture!

Riverwalk Fri 14-Jan-22 14:48:16

And one from the outlet factory!

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 14-Jan-22 14:49:29

Yes YABU. It’s only a mug ffs, not a diamond ring. And surely he can travel an extra five miles to help someone out with their garden without you saying it’s not cost effective?

wildswan16 Fri 14-Jan-22 14:51:44

If she is grateful for his help in the garden, and probably makes him coffee and biscuits etc when it really isn't necessary, then I see no harm in his giving her a "thank you" gift.

If you are reading anything else into it then you should just ask him why he gave this particular lady a mug.

Daisend1 Fri 14-Jan-22 15:01:43

No you are not being paranoid although unusual, in my view, to buy a present for ones employer ?.Have you ever met this person?

M0nica Fri 14-Jan-22 15:15:14

I think you are over re-acting. When you do a job like your husband's, particularly when you work on a one to one basis with an employer, yes you can be come friends. My next door neighbours have a gardener and I have met him at social events they have held.

I have friend who has had the same domestic help for over 30 years. She is now treated as a member of the family. She goes to family events, everyone treats her as an old family friend. In these kind of situations these sort of entirely platonic friendships grow.

If your DH was playing away, would he have bought the mugs in your presence and told you who they were for?

Baggs Fri 14-Jan-22 15:26:37

Work relationships can work between friends.

I like the perhaps she's a good baker idea too.

PinkCosmos Fri 14-Jan-22 15:34:28

Have you met this lady? That might give you your answer.

My DH did some gardening for an old lady a few years ago. They became good friends and they used to have a tot of whisky together after he had finished the garden. She also gave him cups of tea and cake. I ended up helping out with shopping for her as she got more elderly. We both got on well with her. Sadly, she died a few years ago.

lemongrove Fri 14-Jan-22 15:41:56

I think I would want to meet this lady....
If she is around your own age and attractive or is a ‘little old lady’.
Presumably your DH is being paid for this gardening work?
Only you know your DH and if buying a small present is typical for him ( my DH def wouldn’t buy a present of any kind for anyone he worked for.)
It’s likely to be nothing, but a little detective work may set your mind at rest do you think?

JaneJudge Fri 14-Jan-22 15:56:37

mybe her mugs are crap and he wants to drink out of nicer one

Calistemon Fri 14-Jan-22 16:01:48

JaneJudge 😂😂😂
I was drinking from my Aynsley china mug when I read that!

Well, it wasn't me, spabbygirl, the gardener came this morning and I made him a coffee but he didn't give me a nice mug.
I didn't offer him cake though.

MissAdventure Fri 14-Jan-22 16:14:10

I don't think I would be suspicious about a mug being bought.

BlueBelle Fri 14-Jan-22 16:16:14

Well 5 miles is nothing unless he’s walking there
Men don’t usually think about buying gifts for others but maybe you ve trained him well
How about she makes him a mug of tea /coffee and a cake when he works and he just felt like buying her a thank you or maybe shes a little tiger you ll only know if you meet her or know he’s honest and ask him outright

Calendargirl Fri 14-Jan-22 16:19:57

he bought two mugs in the sale

Last of the big spenders, obviously looking for a bargain, even if he is smitten.

Calistemon Fri 14-Jan-22 16:20:24

He's great in every other way and I thought unlikely to stray - but you never know!

He does her garden.
Can they not be friendly without any extra-marital sex involved?

Jaxjacky Fri 14-Jan-22 16:28:42

Who’s the other one for?

spabbygirl Fri 14-Jan-22 16:31:03

thanks for that all, you're probably right I am unreasonable, I might just make my point in a subtle kind of way though, and next time some guy takes an interest in me I won't be so quick to turn away!

JaneJudge Fri 14-Jan-22 16:31:57

I used to get on with my gardener, I doubt either of us wanted to have any more than conversations with one another

I really don't understand why men and women can't be friendly without any sexual attraction. I work with all men and I wouldn't even want to be friends with some of them, let alone anything more.

paddyann54 Fri 14-Jan-22 20:26:32

My late MIL's gardener used to spend what she paid him on buying her lunch or a wee trip doon the watter for a fish supper.He was an old friend of FIL's and hadn't wanted to take money off her at all ,this was his way of getting it back to her....his wife knew/knows all about the trips .Sometimes he'd take her to garden shows 300 miles away.

Elizabeth27 Fri 14-Jan-22 20:38:22

People having affairs tend to buy secret gifts not a mug in front of their wife.

Nonogran Fri 14-Jan-22 20:45:07

Tuck it all up your sleeves & then, one fine day, an opportunity might arise for you to do something similar, “Oh look Dear Husband, some lovely boxer shorts on the Sale counter. I’ll just take a pair for my Personal Trainer.”
I’m sure you get my drift!

Ladyleftfieldlover Fri 14-Jan-22 20:50:46

Why not simply ask him?