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He's bought her a mug!!!

(52 Posts)
spabbygirl Fri 14-Jan-22 14:14:57

my husband & I were on holiday this week & went to the Emma Bridgewater factory shop & he bought 2 mugs in the sale for friends. He's a gardener & does a garden for someone 5 miles away from his usual orbit & when I point out that is not cost effective he said he likes the lady, but now has bought her a mug in the sale. I haven't said anything but I think this is a bit too much like a gift for a friend rather than a work relationship, AIBU? He's great in every other way and I thought unlikely to stray - but you never know! Or am I just being paranoid?

CanadianGran Fri 14-Jan-22 20:52:18

I agree with Elizabeth27, he wouldn't have bought it in front of you if he was really being unfaithful.

But go ahead and make a light jab to get your point across.

M0nica Fri 14-Jan-22 20:53:54

spabbygirl next time some guy takes an interest in me I won't be so quick to turn away!


This could lead you into really deep and very muddy waters and somewhere that made you wish you hadn't done something so foolish..

There is absolutely no evidence that your DH is remotely interested in this lady, other than an employer and friend, as other say, it is perfectly possible for employer and employee man and women to have friendships that have no sexual element in it whatsoever and everything your DH has said and done makes it clear that is all it is.

The big question is, what on earth made you think this simple and open gesture should have any other meaning behind it? Do you have insecurities you do not want to admit to?

Millie22 Fri 14-Jan-22 21:09:43

I have two Emma Bridgewater trays. Very handy for tea and cake. I wouldn't worry too much about a mug.

lemongrove Fri 14-Jan-22 22:57:57


Tuck it all up your sleeves & then, one fine day, an opportunity might arise for you to do something similar, “Oh look Dear Husband, some lovely boxer shorts on the Sale counter. I’ll just take a pair for my Personal Trainer.”
I’m sure you get my drift!


spabbygirl Sat 15-Jan-22 11:58:01

thanks for that everyone! I'm sure I do have insecurities, I've had such a hard time with relationships over the years & my parents hated each other so there was no role model there but talking to you lot has helped me keep it in perspective, thanks loads smile

Caleo Sat 15-Jan-22 12:11:34

I'd admire his thoughtfulness, and approve of his happiness in his work and friendships.

trisher Sat 15-Jan-22 12:13:57

spabbygirl I'm not a gardener and don't have one for anyone to work in. What I have noticed is that my gardening friends seem to bond with each other and get onto discussing their annuals/geraniums/lawn problems immediately, so I wonder if working as a gardener can be the same. Maybe she's just really keen on the garden and that has made them friends. It's not something I understand really I think it's deadly boring discussing leaf rot and root fungus (not sure they are actual things but they're typical). I wouldn't worry.

Kali2 Sat 15-Jan-22 12:17:46

I see nothing wrong with having a genuine friendship with someone who is an 'employer or employee'. My latest cleaning help in the UK was one of my best friends- and my cleaner here my neighbour and great friend. Especially if they share some interests, like flowers, plants, gardening.

Kali2 Sat 15-Jan-22 12:19:31

Do you share his keen interest in gardening and plants, etc?

My OH does not, so always glad to find someone I can talk to about my passion for cottage gardening- male or female, young or old. Just as he loves to talk about photography with others.

Kim19 Sat 15-Jan-22 12:27:40

Gosh, you certainly sound insecure. Please don't retaliate in the way you suggest. Disaster lies there. I think it is a lovely gesture of his and he is totally open with you about it. Over the years I have regularly given a few of my employers gifts. No bribe, no corruption, just liked them. How about you suggest sometime that you would like to meet her? If this proves acceptable then simply enjoy the moment then take yourself off for a long walk only returning when husband will be finished work. Stay calm. I fear you may be letting your imagination run away with you.

Ali08 Wed 19-Jan-22 03:42:29

Just ask to go with him one day. Say you'd like the trip, some different scenery and you'd enjoy watching him work!
If you got bored you could take a walk around the neighbourhood, maybe chat with neighbours and tell them your DH does gardening for her. As well as being able to gauge their reactions, you may get him some other jobs and make that extra 5 miles more worthy!

AGAA4 Sun 23-Jan-22 16:33:47

I am wondering why you feel suspicious. You know your DH better than anyone so would know if this is unusual behaviour.
To put your mind at rest just ask him about this woman. You will either be relieved that it is just a friendly gesture or know there is something to worry about. Follow your instincts.

Ali08 Thu 27-Jan-22 11:20:46


Have you asked him?

twinnytwin Thu 27-Jan-22 12:04:52

There's probably nothing to it, but I'm still slightly cautious even after being with DH2 for nigh on 30 years. First husband had affair and ran off with my best friend who I treated as a sister. Not a clue. I'd have a word with him.

Skydancer Thu 27-Jan-22 12:13:00

Surely if he was doing something he shouldn't he wouldn't mention her in front of you let alone buy her something! I just think it's a nice gesture to someone like-minded. I have a couple of male friends and, if I saw something totally appropriate, I'd buy it for them. My DH would think nothing of it.

OnwardandUpward Thu 27-Jan-22 12:24:22

I have read that if someone of the opposite sex is frequently mentioned it can mean that they are on the other person's mind a lot.
I'd probably either just ask him outright or nip it in the bud by asking to go along and showing an interest in his work. It may be that she complements him a lot and he feels appreciated, but you don't want it to develop into anything. Men do like to be appreciated and fussed over, but hopefully it's nothing. Perhaps she tips him generously?

Boz Thu 27-Jan-22 12:30:44

I would give him a good old wifely third degree. Weird imo to buy a present for a woman who pays him for gardening.

Yammy Thu 27-Jan-22 12:32:23

I would have said at the time "Where's my mug?" Too late now so just keep quiet.
Though I admit I would be trying to find out about her! How did she employ your husband in the first place? I would be curious and is your husband quite dashing or just the friendly type?hmm

OnwardandUpward Thu 27-Jan-22 16:09:36

IMHO I don't think it's too late because OP is still thinking about it and it's bothering her. Secrets tend to fester, so better out than in, in my book.

I sincerely hope it's nothing, Spabbygirl and that he reassures you.

Coastpath Thu 27-Jan-22 20:21:49

I used to work as a gardener and most of my clients became good friends. They would sit on the bench and chat with me as I worked, I'd take them to the garden centre to choose plants and we'd often have lunch there - sometimes my treat, sometimes theirs. Mostly they were elderly folk and I'd do other chores for nothing -as a friend would- e.g. turning mattresses, putting up curtains.

Gardening is hard work and good clients make the job a pleasure rather than a chore. When you're in someone's property working you do become pals. I wouldn't read too much into this.

snowberryZ Mon 31-Jan-22 13:56:08

He's great in every other way and I thought unlikely to stray

What makes you think he's unlikely to stray?
All affairs start as friendships.

Does he usually buy presents for women who aren't you?
Is this unusual behaviour?
Does he have Mentionitis?
Or, has he spoken about her a lot in the past and now hardly talks about her at all?

I know its "only a mug" but it sounds like a thoughtful present.

Why is he thinking about this woman when he's on hoiday with you? That seems odd.
Seems like she's creeping into his thoughts.
Not a good sign.

ValerieF Mon 31-Jan-22 21:52:19

Obviously YOU feel there is something not right about it so doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Just talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.

Personally I don’t think it’s a huge problem. A mug? One of my male friends bought me pyjamas for Christmas. Now my husband COULD have got worried but can assure him there is no reason to be! The PJ’s are bought from my football team shop! I am a long standing season ticket holder. We go to matches together and that is it! My husband also goes to meet an ex colleague for a catch up every so often. They have tea together. He also buys her a small gift at Christmas. I have absolutely no doubts that is all it is and am not concerned.

However IF you are upset or have reason to doubt then it’s different. You do need to talk it out.

GrauntyHelen Tue 01-Feb-22 02:11:46

Those of you who think a straying husband wouldn't buy a gift in front of his wife are naive at best

OnwardandUpward Tue 01-Feb-22 09:35:18

I believe this too. If there is a nagging doubt, best to check.

Sometimes I have ignored my gut feeling, and time has shown that I should have listened. Not in this type of situation, (but if my husband bought something for a woman other that a female relative, I would be asking questions).

nandad Tue 01-Feb-22 09:49:12

Reading this thread I see that a lot of you are feeding the OPs insecurities. I made my male boss a Christmas cake and have since made him some pies, do I fancy him, no. He lives on his own and likes homemade cakes. I thought it was a nice gesture. My DH, was a bit miffed because he wasn’t allowed to taste them. Having read this thread I asked him if he thought I was having an affair. His response was if he became suspicious every time I did something nice for a man he would have left me 40 years ago.
People do stray, but if you have any suspicions, then have that conversation. If you don’t then enjoy your relationship with your husband and stop reading this thread cos it ain’t gonna help!