Do I move or do I stay?

Benina......Tricky! I reckon it would be an idea to do some homework where your family is, about what's available in your current interest areas, and the ones you would like to develop. eg art classes, walking groups, book groups etc Also if you spend time in the local shops and get chatting, you can get a feel as to whether it's a friendly spot or not. Voluntary work is always a good way to meet lovely people. Renting definitely great idea.
Also, it's not so far that you and your close friends can't visit back and forth.
Why not just have a little adventure?
Good luck with your decision, and I hope the pluses and minuses find the right balance!

supernana thank you so much for reminding me of how blest we are, compared to those gransnetters who have much more difficult problems. But I am finding it very difficult at the moment to decide what to do. I'm torn between the places and people that I love at completely different ends of the country and at the moment I'm spending too much time, money and emotion travelling between the two! and pleasing no-one! I'm on holiday for three weeks from Wednesday so that might give me some thinking/deciding time. In the meantime I like the idea of a travel-fund box and may well start one of my own. Thanks again for your understanding thoughts. x

Quiltinggran Indeed, grandchildren do add a whole new dimension to the lives of we grandparents. My thoughts are never far removed from family matters. Our eldest gc [of seven] is 22, and the youngest, just 17 months. It costs us dear to travel to be with our family. We both work at "the big house"...my husband tends the garden and I clean the interior. From time to time, we sell some of our artwork or handmade greetings cards. All proceeds go into the travel-fund box. If your heart urges you to move to be close to those you love, then, in due course, you'll find a way to put your plan into action. If, like me, you feel at home in Scotland, I guess that we'll both need to enjoy what time we have with the family as often as we can afford to and accept the lump-in-the-throat partings into the bargain. Life isn't altogether fair,but compared with countless others, we are blest. x

Supernana For personal reasons over the last two years I have spent a lot of my time in a remote area of NW Scotland but during that time three grandchildren have been born and they all live in the south of England (over 600 miles away one way!). I find that very hard to deal with. I never realised how much having grandchildren would change me.

Benina We live in a small community in a remote area of Scotland. Family live in Rutland and London. We enjoy family gatherings as often as we can but parents need to work and grandchildren have school, uni and jobs of their own to attend to. Every time I return home [600 miles one way from here to London] I ask myself the very question that you have raised. For me, this caring community is home. Should I survive my husband, I shall hope to remain here and continue to enjoy travels to visit my family. Should I become infirm, well, maybe matters will have to be tweeked - but that's another story...

Welcome, Megamutts. I can understand your dilemma. My sons' families are respectively in Hampshire and Oxfordshire. I decided to stay in Cheshire when I retired to be near my oldest GD, DS's daughter by earlier relationship who did need me around to provide stability. However, now she is a student and beginning to live her own life and although it's good to be able to take her out for lunch occasionally, she doesn't really need me the way she used to. I am put off the idea of moving because I have known of several instances when the gran has moved to be near the family who have then had to move elsewhere because of a job change or promotion. The curse of social mobility!

Three years ago we moved 200 miles to be near my children and grandchildren. One of my grandchildren is severely disabled and we are now on hand for emergencies and just to be generally helpful. It was a big step to make, we didn't know anyone else here so we knew we had to join things and throw ourselves into the community. It has been the best thing we have done. I love it here, we have made new friends taken up new hobbies. We live about a half hour away from the family so not in each others pockets. Looking back we were very much in a rut before and could easily have stayed there. It would have been much more difficult I think had I been on my own. I think the renting idea sounds good.

Have just registered with Gransnet and the first thing I read goes straight to my heart. My daughter has 2 lovely girls and I love them so much it hurts, but the decision to move nearer to them is tearing me apart. They live about 4 hours drive away and my husband and I find it exhausting but we have lived in lovely rural Worcestershire for 30 years and to leave is going to be the hardest thing we have ever done.
This has to be the dilemma of our generation. I don't believe our parents' generation would have given it a moment's thought. I am 63 and my husband 68. He says if we are going to move we ought to do it before he is 70 as it will only get harder as we get older.
When I was young I honestly believed life was settled and easy when you retired. Not true. In some ways it's so tough I'm not sure I'm up to it.

I think as long as you throw ourself into a new place and become part of that community too - and not just involve yourself totally in your family, you should be fine. It's a question of balance. We returned from France to a totally new place, have made new friends and have enjoyed being a BIG part of our daughter's life and little GS. Now they are thinking of moving to the States and we are devastated.
If there is a chance that your family may move, you need to have friends around you so you are not left on your own again.
I think renting is a great idea. Good luck

We are in exactly the same position Benina. Our son and daughter and soon to be 2 grandchildren are in Hampshire and we are in Cheshire. We have a great social life in Cheshire - but the pull of family is too great. We are thinking of moving next year. It will be a wrench but hopefully the right decision.

Thank you all so much - the idea of renting is definitely worth thinking about, especially as selling/buying is not easy at the moment. It is nice to know that you are all there!

I think that one of the issues is - do they like to come & visit?
I see that your house is small, but presume 1 family can fit in.
When mine were little, we were at some distance from gps: my parents lived in the area they had been in all their lives (and back hundreds of years) but DH's parents lived by the sea, so kids liked to visit!

Sounds like you have no family ties where you are, just a social life that you have built up - and can again if you move.
If you went inbetween, you'd be about an hour's drive - OK for a day visit and access in a family emergency; but far enough to make you build your own life.

However, these days, house prices are an issue - would you get more (or less) property / pound?

I think that renting in a new area is often a good idea as you get a "feel" for the place, shops markets, social amenities, transport, that you just don't otherwise.

Benina; Could you rent out your property and rent one close to your family [say for @ a year] just to see how it works? I know someone who moved close to her daughter and spent 2 years desperately wanting to move back again, which she did.

Thanks Baggy (I once wrote a children's story about "Baggy" short for Bagatelle - ho hum). Trouble is I am no longer in the family house - 6 bedrooms and 2 acres - since divorce I live in two-up two-down terraced house. Bit too cosy for family reunions!!

There is no easy answer is there?

That's the problem, isn't it, Benina? If you knew they were going to stay put.... My mum never moved to be near any of us (I'm one of five) and it turned out just as well, really, because we all moved about quite a lot. Plus, like you, she has a good social network where she is, and where we all grew up, and is still seeing most of the people she's been seeing for the last forty-odd years. Difficult decision.

One advantage of my mum staying where she is, in the family house, has been that there's always plenty of room for grandchildren when they visit. She has fourteen, and now two great grandchildren as well.

Good point - and we have discussed it. They would like to have a mother/grandma nearby. It is up to me. And I suppose that there is no guarantee that either of them will stay in the same area as they are now.

Have your children asked you to move near them?