moving on after bereavement

My wise old Dad said that when you are having tough times, take it a day at a time and if that is too hard take it an hour at a time. It's helped me over some troubles and I hope it may help some of the sad GNs posting on here.

nanaej I agree with your lovely post.

Sending hugs & to all of you who have lost a loved partner. Hoping that there is sunshine after the rain for you all x

elegran. Maybe I don't mention much on GN, but I have been thinking of you.
Take care of yourself in times to come. x

Sorry to hear you news elegran. You are in my thoughts.
It is good to know that other grans out there have found ways to move on - but these early days must be so hard.

flowerfriend -I was touched by your post. x

Elegran I have only just recently popped back into gransnet and only just seen your post..... take care

Bluebadge how about linedance classes! you don't need a partner, a wide range of ages attend (mainly women I have found , doesn't seem to be too many men go) and don't believe anyone!! that tells you! you need a lasso and a cowboy hat!! you go and slap them thighs girl!!

ladybird as yet I have not been in your situation, but just saying "hello" and welcome to gransnet

flowerfriend I can sympathise with you,my hubby is 20yrs older than me (he is now 77 and I will be 57 this year) it seems he has been ill for ever, and is not in good health now.although he does try, good days. bad days..... as others have said ...take each day just as it comes...

My husband died twenty months ago. He was older than me and had a cancer and because he was in hospital for five weeks before he died I suppose that to some extent I was prepared. But a day doesnt go by when he isnt very much present in my thoughts. I have an agreeable life. My friends and family are great. Every day I live without him I will think about him but I know that he wanted me to have a life without him that wasnt all tears. I was 25 when we met and 63 when he died so I suppose I have become someone coloured by our joint life together and I feel his presence in most things I do.

We too had our ups and downs. But oh it felt so good making up again.

GN is a wonderful support as you will find out and I send you friendship and I hope strength.

glass, that was a vibrating hug! Lovely!

I agree that the support offered and given on GN is wonderful, and after bereavement must be a welcome port of call during the difficult times.

I certainly do! I have found so much laughter, humour, fun, companionship on here, I can't believe it!
I bless the day dd suggested I looked at it!

Elegran and all the bereaved grans on here I hope you will continue to find support on gransnet

elegran sending you a {{{hug}}}

It is! I promise you. I've been through it. Get through the first year and you've won! Honest!

I hope so, too, Elegran. xx

I lost my dear husband three and a half weeks ago. We knew three years ago that he would not survive more than a couple of years, but his last few days were still a shock to me. However long you have, there are always things you wish you had said or done while you had time, and life without him has no structure or purpose. The days are long and the house empty and quiet.

Family and friends (real friends and virtual ones on Gransnet) help to partly fill the gap, and I am trying to follow the advice to not refuse any invitation and to "live for two". It would be all to easy to sit in front of the TV and shut out the world.

I think I can only repeat what others have said, that (I hope) time is a great healer.

many thanks for your wise words and apologise for delay in replying. Many thanks. x

Some brave ladies here and my heart goes out to you all. What I am seeing is that there are possibly as many different ways of coping and moving on, as GNetters who have been bereaved. The one indisputable thing in common is our strength as women to share our feelings and support each other, to you all.

I divorced my husband after 31 years and 3yrs later met a lovely man who was my partner for almost 20 years. Sadly he died two months ago and I am back to being on my own again. I have been trying to find things to do - clubs, societies etc to join, but at my age (77) there are not too many. I found a list of what is on in my county and am going to slowly work my way through them. They appear to be mainly tea dances/sequence dancing etc. but at least I am going to give them a try. Might even try the Bingo!!!

I've just read through this and found it very moving:

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/editors-choice/9195704/Let-no-one-judge-Christina-Schmid-for-moving-on-after-the-death-of-her-husband-Oz.html

Hello ladybird and thankyou for starting this thread, it's obviously helping not just yourself but those of us who are widows also. My husband died nearly ten years ago aged 54. I have recently moved to live nearer my daughter and to a bungalow because my mobility needs are becoming greater. This is a new lease of life for me, but I still miss my husband. Time it is true is a healer you never "get over it" but you do learn to live a different type of life. You will meet friends along lifes path who will help you. I joined different groups, the U3A, a book club, a natural healing group. Anywhere where conversation is lively and you can be transported away from your grief for a period of time. It does get easier, I promise.

My dear friend went home to Jamaica and was murdered three years ago. we still miss him, his wife ,who has been with him since she was 14 yrs is not coping well and I pray that she will in time re build her life .

Take things at your own pace and best wishes to you. I am also sending you loads of 'hugs' .

I was widowed nearly 17 years ago after 24 happy years. My husband died in a motorcycle accident on his way to work only about a mile from home. He was only 47. The shock when the police came to the door was terrible and like June I thought I would never come to terms with it. It's a cliche but time is a great healer and eventually things become easier. I also met someone on a dating site and remarried 4 years ago. My husband is Italian so we retired here to Italy immediately after our wedding. I know some people would never consider remarrying but I was so lonely and my children had their own lives to lead.We now have a lovely home and 3 beautiful grandaughters between us.
Just take things at your own pace and don't rush into anything you are unsure of! I wish you well and hopefully in time you will have more good days than bad.

Ladybird - I send you all good wishes. As hoped, there are people on here who have personal experience and I am sure that they will be able to help you. It does sound as though people have been able to pick up their lives and carry on - but they also understand the place that you are in at the moment.

My husband died almost exactly 9years ago! You always miss them and life goes on! He was only59 when he died and we had been planning long sailing holidays together.
I don't think I would remarry as in a lot of ways I prefer my solitary life.
And there's always GN!

Hi
I was widowed nearly eleven years ago now and I thought, nay truly believed that I would never recover. My husband died a horrible death with Mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) he was 57, he had been seemingly fit and healthy but then after a short illness diagnosed as terminally ill. We were looking forward to life together and doing OK after 30 years or so together.
Now all those years on I am remarried 5 years ago and have both his grandsons and my grandaughters. We have retired to Llandudno and have a caravan in which we tour around Britain.
After 3 years widowed I decided to chance my arm on the internet dating and took my first date with this lovely widower who has the same values and principles as I do.
I tell you all this because even though I thought I wanted to die too all those years ago my life eventually took a different path and I am living my retirement happily. I know the agony of the loss and I know what loneliness feels like and I am sorry for your loss but please don't lose hope.
warm wishes
June