Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

notseeing grandchildren

(8 Posts)
amatterofopinion Fri 27-Apr-12 14:50:22

the daughter of a friend and her partner is keeping the children from seeing their grandchildren, the patners mum and dad.

do they have to be seperated before the grandparents can take them to court?i will appreciate any advice

whenim64 Fri 27-Apr-12 15:04:24

Hello amatterofopinion. If you look at the Denied Contact and Cut Out of Their Lives threads, there is a wealth of shared information and support, alongside good suggestions about how to try to keep some sort of contact. There are a few of us who have been in this position. Also, there is one Gransnetter who has a support group in Bristol, and her website has lots of info and contacts on there. Her Gransnet name is JaneEjackson, and you will come across her name on these threads.

In answer to your question, I don't believe they have to be separated, but there are many other avenues to try before contemplating asking for a contact order. Hope your friend is able to resolve this upsetting problem smile

Here's a link to one of Jane's postings:

glammanana Fri 27-Apr-12 15:10:03

amatterofopinion How sad that things have come to this stage but there are GNers who can direct you into the right way to go on this subject,is it not possible for the parents of the children to sit down with the grandparents and discuss the problem or has it gone to far as Court would be the last thing anyone would wish with children being involved.Maybe the grandparents can put their feelings down on paper and send the parents a letter saying how sad they are for things to have come to this.

nightowl Fri 27-Apr-12 15:25:01

Good advice from whenim64 and glammanana, and you will find a lot of that on here amatterofopinion. I agree that the grandparents should try to resolve this without going to Court if at all possible. Once things start to go down that route everyone can start to dig in their heels and things can start to take on a life of their own. As others have said there are different organisations that can offer advice and support but I am sure you will get lots of useful suggestions from others on here as the day goes on. Good luck to your friends flowers

amatterofopinion Fri 27-Apr-12 16:37:13

thank you for your kind words..however a resolution is not on the cards ...due to the grandfathers behaviour

whenim64 Fri 27-Apr-12 16:48:22

If I am reading into your message correctly, the grandfather has behaved in a way that has made the parents decide to keep a distance for their children's protection.

People in this situation can ask about having a visit somewhere that the grandfather is not going to be present, or perhaps they may need to clarify that they do not condone his behaviour and would be protective of the children. However, if this is a serious matter and they are withdrawing contact for good reason, they might accept gifts and letters via a social worker who can assess whether they would be suitable people to have contact at some point in the future. If social services not involved, solicitors can sometimes help with passing on letters etc.

Last resort is court, and if the grandfather is on the scene at all, as there is a problem about his behaviour, it's very unlikely that a judge would enable contact. Not while grandparents put him before children.

Sorry - this is based on speculation and I might be wide of the mark - it's dificult to gauge what's behind your post without knowing much more.

amatterofopinion Fri 27-Apr-12 18:45:42

the granfather behaved in a disgracful way on three counts...on different accations....his wife wont meet up with the parents, becauce he insists at coming along. social services are not involved.....
he also behaved in a shmeful way against the childrens mother, mother

his son and his partner never wants ever to see him again.

Thank you for your messageWhenim64

whenim64 Fri 27-Apr-12 18:56:46

This is a situation I have seen many times matter. If he insists on coming along, no movement can be made, and her family will make assumptions about where her loyalties lie if he has behaved so disgracefully that children should not be in his company. If there is room for movement on her part, perhaps the situation will change in future. It's a tough call.