Parents being used for constant childcare by sister

eddiecat78

Other forums I belong to show an alert if you try to post on threads that have been "dead" for a while

Yes, GN does that too, eddiecat, there is an alert in the message box, but often it's a spammer who posts and re-opens the thread, as in this case.

Other forums I belong to show an alert if you try to post on threads that have been "dead" for a while

These children are probably looking after the grandparents now!!! IT’S AN OLD THREAD!

Ohhh heck ! I read your post and thought why is your sister there so much? why has she no friends.... obviously Im not meaning you know the answers but it seems a strange 1. From your point of view you know the affect this is all having on your mum and dad but it seems your sister is only doing what she sees as normal - going to see my mum and dad, what am I doing wrong? How can the words "Do you mind not going round as much" not hurt or upset your sister?

I think to defuse this negativity the computer be brought downstairs so mum is amongst IT all going on, also instead of your mum or dad being the 1's to carry out the request from the GC I think your mum should start and say " can you ask mummy to get you -" ...maybe the situation has developed into what it is now because your mum has allowed it to happen.. nooooooooo fault of your mums whatsoever I just mean its progressed into the present situation.

I wish Gransnet could close very old posts, to prevent further posts. Maybe a section where they can still be read?

HappyZebra I'm afraid your thoughtful post will not have been read by the OP, because she posted in
2012.

If you genuinely want to see your mum without your sister, have you tried expressing this to your mum? If you were to say something like, "Mum, I'd really love to spend a little time with you as I miss seeing you on my own (or just as my family). It feels different when I come over and my sister is there. I don't feel like I (or myself and the kids) can connect with you in the same way as we do on our own and I would really appreciate some special time just for us. Is this something you would like to do too? Can we plan a time in the next week where it's just us? "

You may find that you get some alone time with her. Acting as a confidant means you aren't expressing your feelings, you're just listening or trying to problem solve.

I think expressing your feelings and understanding what your wants and needs are (not your mums) and trying to get them fulfilled is going to put you in a better place than trying to take on your mums problems for her.

In all likelihood if you phrase a question like the one above, the chances are she will want to try to free up some time to see just you (or your family) and that in turn may start the process of her seeing it's okay to be busy or unavailable if your sister comes calling. So it may end up being a bit of a win win.

I've been caught before now 🙂

Callistemon21 I just missed your post - 2 minute gap while I was writing!

I wonder indeed re outcomes.

I'll be on my guard now date checking!

Good for them 👋

Delila

Haha, I wonder how it all worked out in the end…

They left home!

Not the grandchildren, the grandparents.
Last heard of they were sunning themselves on a world cruise 😀

Luckygirl3

It really is very old indeed - I appear there with an old username!!!

First thing I noticed, then I went back and checked the date!!

I’ve fallen victim to the zombie thread as well

This thread is 11 years old…..

Oh, just noticed!
I had never heard of gransnet then, wonder what happened?

It really is very old indeed - I appear there with an old username!!!

🍿🍷

Lol, zombie is eating popcorn too

I’ve been in a similar situation, but my youngest came back home with three children!
I may have had the odd moan to the other children over the years, but I would have been fuming if they had had a go at her on my behalf.
Your parents are not old, but your mum does sound pretty stressed, even so, as much as she moans, if she can’t cope, she’s the one who needs to say something, not you, not your siblings.
Lastly, regarding your sister, it doesn’t sound a very normal situation, I don’t get why she wants to be there all the time, something doesn’t seem right there.

Haha, I wonder how it all worked out in the end…

They're not listening Callistermon.

Even the shouting hasn't worked...

Encourage your parents to sort it. They need to pull back but it would be better coming from them.

Grandmabatty

Zombie!!!

😂

I'll shout louder, Grandmabatty!

IT'S AN OLD THREAD!

The children must be 15 and 18 now.

I can empathise with you , I have twin daughters, just turned 30. One still lives at home, she's a teacher, my other daughter left home at 17, with a new born baby and her then boyfriend. We had daily phone calls asking for help, I was there more than at home . My daughter then had another child at 19. She then split with her boyfriend, again lent on us heavily. My childless daughter thought I was doing too much and could see how tired I was when I got home . She spoke to her sister about it and it caused a row, I struggled to say no to her because I could see she was struggling and I was the only person that helped her . Eventually as the children got older, I have taken a step back myself . I wouldn't say anything to my sister if I were you , it's frustrating, but it does need to come from your parents.