Whats it really like living alon

Ladybird I totally empathise with your situation, and find myself in a similar situation, that I just don't seem able to adjust to, despite the best efforts of my family.

People are right it doesn't get easier.... just different.

durhamjen the course I am doing is an evening class, the good things is I am with other people chatting etc, also yesterday we (three of us) went out to a nature reserve,(my picsy were rubbish) but never mind it got me out.We have our class on a Tues 6-8 Level 1 Photography N.C.F.C it's been interesting talking about Ethics in photography, hoping to move onto Level 2 strafe Christmas if I pass Level 1.(trying to get GS to sit still long enough to practice my portraites lol) good luck with the camera just keep practising and playing about with it .

I take my grandson out to take photos. We go to where the trees are or the seat that we bought in his grandad's name.
We posted one of his on the Woodland Trust website.

I hate Sunday 22nd. My husband died at ten to midnight on Sunday 22nd January, 2012.

good your both interested in photography durhamjen can be painful looking at photos but also when the time is right to look back and try and remember the better times.

We have some videos as well, biker.
We can sit and get quite upset sometimes, but we watch those as a family and we quite often end up laughing until we cry. There are good memories in them.
Four years ago he was having radiotherapy which did not work. We have videos of him then because we had his mother's ninetieth birthday party in our house, but we do not look at those videos very often.
I have lots of photos in frames that my husband took, many of York. When we had the guest house we had photos in all the rooms, and brought many of them with us when we moved. So if I am not looking at photos of him, I am looking at photos that he took.
Like you say, it's good that his grandson likes photography, too. The problem is when you upgrade your equipment and can no longer see the photos on the cards or memory sticks.

Done both

When I was on my own the biggest problem was not having anyone to go on holiday with.

The biggest advantage was my house stayed cleaner and was more tidy.... and there was less washing/ironing. Suppose he's worth it :-)

duramjen the photos on your memory sticks /cards etc do you put them on the computer? not sure what you mean when you can't see them when you upgrade, you can transfer them....(unless I am reading the msg wrong) which I prob am dohhh........if I can be of any help !

Love York and remember when dh and myself went to the Train museum and left my camera there, some very kind person handed it in, strange that I don't have them photos anywhere now! come to think of it! maybe I deleted them by mistake as it was many years ago when digi cameras were first on the scene. We have relatives that live in E Yorks (Beverly)and we often took our little touring caravan to Bielby Caravan site.

About 7 mnths ago I managed to actualy look at a bit of video with dh on, it sort of made me feel better at the time, as he was walking about without his stick and looking back now he seemed quite fit (although he wasn't) I can't seem to put any photos of dh up still, I had a lovely one from our dd wedding 2 yrs ago, I had it printed out for my 60th last month and put it on display, but I had to put it away. Good luck with the videoing Sounds like your having fun

dj If you can no longer see your photos or videos, it probably means that in the course of the upgrading you have lost the programme that shows them. You can download (free) an application called Irfanview which displays files of all kinds, and is easy to use.

I have always loved my own company, and actually living alone has not changed that. It is wonderful to be my "own master", being able to decide when to get up, what or what not to watch on TV and to top it all I can do my house work when I want to and not spend every Saturday morning working to get the house clean. I learnt very quickly that the ironing does not run away, neither does the dust - and we have got plenty of that living near vineyards.

If on occason I do feel a bit lonely I grab my dog, open the garden gate and start walking and chatting to people. Ok, sometimes I'd like to be a bit closer to my children and grandchildren but thanks to Ryanair we do see each other at least every two months.

I have lived most of my life alone for various reasons...mostly because I make poor choices in men!...When I was a child I wanted nothing else but to be married and have a happy family but that was not to be...despite my best efforts. I am now in my mid 60's and live alone 6 years after my lovely second husband died.
I live in a very quiet rural location with few neighbours. I am fit, healthy and active and drive myself out to ...somewhere most days.
I also got myself a dog a couple of years ago which had made a great difference. But my real fear, what really worries me...is that I die alone and no one finds me for some time....Or that I am taken ill and unable to get myself help and die alone and slowly.....other than that, living alone is just great!! xx

I have been married 47 years and over the past 5 have longed to be alone. I don't love him anymore in fact he irritates the life out of me. Since retiring he has turned into a nosy, moaning old grump who finds fault with everything. I have thought of leaving but at my age can't face the upheaval and the distress it would cause in the family. I feel sorry for him at times because he can't be happy but he never takes the blame for anything be it arguments, forgetting things etc., it's always someone else's fault. So being alone can't be worse than this, it's the fallout that would be.

I've lived alone for 13 years - fled London after l-t relationship broke up. Now back in London on a Narrowboat on the Regents Canal on my own and love it. I can do 13 hr bar crawls - wear my Louboutins - wear my best high vintage leopard - go to gigs and walk home without panicking about the last tube and a 20 min drive through the lanes.

Learning to live on my own (ok various passing men have been involved and I'm a long term mistress but no one lives with me) is a skill. There are times when the balance between being alone and being lonely tipped the wrong way. A lot of the time it was about being isolated in the country and not being able to get into London where all my cultural and social life was and is. Everything escalated this year when stone cold sober & in flats I fell outside Selfridges on my birthday and broke my ankle. No driving for 3 months and two weeks after the accident my brother in the States died & I couldn't fly to his funeral. My cottage and my country living became a prison and I stared and stared at the walls till they talked back. Then put the place on the market - sold it in 6 days and escaped.

Ironically having spent years wanting me back in town - my son, daughter in law and the gorgeous toddler (I've spent every Friday since he was born with them) are days away to relocating to Suffolk...so I will do monthly visits.

Having had 3 accidents this year -all unrelated and no underlying problems - just v bad luck (cracked ribs/broken ankle in fall; twisted pelvis doing a mid mooring vessel to transfer from a rib to a barge; damaged coccyx last week getting on the boat and loosing my footing when a gale force gust of wind knocked the barge and me sideways) I'm getting a bit wary of things I can do on my own and boat living is very physical. Luckily men in my life seem to want to help - 25kg sacks of coal need to get on board somehow .....

Living alone through choice or circumstance is an art form and I always figured if I couldn't live with myself I sure as hell couldn't live with anyone else on whatever basis.

Like Barrow, I was married for over forty years and now find myself alone for the first time having married straight from college. In the first year there were so many things to sort out and the kept me busy. Family are great but none live within day- visiting distance and I didn't have close friends around. I too find the most difficult times are when I return home to an empty house (lights blazing as otherwise I wouldn't find the front door with no street lights in the country) and I have to wind down and adjust before I can go to bed whatever time I get in.

However, living alone does not equate to loneliness. As others have said, you can choose when to eat, sleep or whatever and watch what you like on TV or simply curl up with a good book although when you have spent years considering the needs of others, too, that needs some adjustments. I find I can be more alone in a crowd where people are talking of what they have to do for their families and so on than I feel in my own home.

Like many of you I chose to live on my own, at least now I have friends. I love my own company and sometimes goes for days without speaking to anyone. But I was at my loneliest when I was married, never being able to have friends and do my own thing always having to think of him first. I been on my own now for 21 years and I come first.

I have been on my own for 15 years since my last relationship ended. Now I love being on my own. It was easier when I was working because of the camaraderie at work. I do miss that. However, I can now do what I want, go where I want, when I want. I have friends who I go out with, when I want to and that gives me something to look forward to but everything else is on my terms. It might sound selfish but I am happy.

I sometimes think, would I like to have someone living in the house with me, for about 5 seconds and the answer is always NO!!!

Dh died almost 13 years ago. Working has been my lifeline, however I have to retire when I'm 72 ( April 2017) due to DoJ having a compulsory age of retirement.
I think it will really hit me then

Having lived on my own for a long time - post divorce and children moving on - I echo a lot of what's been said. In a way, I'm almost antisocial as its sometimes tempting to decline an invitation and stay at home.
Someone mentioned how they were loneliest when living with a selfish man, and I can empathise with that. Now, I find the loneliest times are when in a social gathering where most are couples - not because they ignore me - just because.
And the other thing that I realise is that I miss physical contact - just a hug, or an arm round my shoulder. The only place I get it is at the hairdressers( Not a hug - but a head massage!), or when seeing family who live far away.
However there are lots of pluses - I can do what I want when I want, - I can be lazy about the housework, eat when I please etc.

One suggestion - join a choir - whether you can sing or not. When you sing you can't think about anything else - worries/ pressures disappear, and choirs are very supportive mini communities.

It's lovely living alone! I wouldn't do anything else!!

I have lived on my own since 2006. I was liberated for the first time in my life not having to plan meals, spending weekends washing and ironing cooking, cleaning. I was exhausted all the time in a very stressful job. Its only now reflecting back I was a total dogsbody. Then retired in 2011 and I felt lost, because not being on the treadmill there felt this big gaping hole to
fill. So I got a part time job which was over the christmas period and knew It was the wrong thing for me, as I was working in M&S seeing happy families and hearing christmas music. In the following year I discovered the U3A and I have never looked back. I started to learn Bridge which I now play three times a week, have Bridge holidays with like minded people and have made new friends. I am now 65 and life couldnt be better. Confident out going and value me now.I can also say I am happy. I love the dark cosy nights. Being able to please myself and watch rubbish tv without someone saying 'your not watching this rubbish are you' There is lots of positives to living on your own. Its your retirement, think of it as adventure and see go forth and enjoy.

ps The University of the Third Age is for retirees. If you havn,t got a computer your local library will have and from there google U3A and put your area which will show you all the groups in your area. Good Luck.

I have to agree Whenim64. I lived for 20 years with a mean selfish man who revelled in playing mind games!

I have now lived alone for almost 7 years and have never been happier or more content. I have my two gorgeous dogs who 'introduce' me to many aquantencies when we are out and about.

Yes, I have my friends, but no contact with my family, which is quite sad, but they never did want to acknowledge the horrible situation I lived in for 20 years, and thought I was totally insane for leaving 'a relationship'!! at the age of 65......I never feel 'lonely', but yes, there are the odd times I feel 'alone', but I had these feelings when I was married - and those were ten million times worse.

I think everyone is so different in as far as sharing your life with someone. I know of so many unhappy couples existing together, because they are frightened of being 'alone'.......It was the very best thing I ever did to decide to 'start again on my own'.

Since being on my own, I have fought though and won a horrible divorce situation (over 3 yrs). I have also fought and won my battle with cancer.
As bad as these times were, they come no where near living with someone and feeling so desperately unhappy, alone - and lonely. For me, that is the worst possible scenario. But then, we are all different - aren't we?

My husband of 37 years left me without warning 9 years ago.Although I am past retirement age, I still work part-time, which is a lifeline both financially and personally. I am fortunate to have a good social life with many loyal friends, and I have my lovely daughter, son-in-law and grandson who I see weekly. However, as others have said, it's coming home to an empty house, with no-one to ask 'how was your evening?' etc, that's difficult. But I still feel blessed and far more fortunate than some.

Although I am not (yet) living on my own I can agree with what many people here have been saying. I have been married for 26 years to a man who thinks only of himself and who has a huge chip on his shoulder in that he thinks the world owes him whatever it is he is missing, which he cannot define, but which is nevertheless missing from his life, and it is all my fault ...

The light at the end of the tunnel is that he has now been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I can honestly say - and only because this is anonymous - that I cannot wait for him to die !!! I don't want him to suffer, I just want him out of my life so that I can get on with the rest of it and for once just please myself without having to plan everything around him, but still end up having done everything wrong, in his eyes.

I have contemplated both divorce and - briefly - murder in the past, but have now come to the conclusion that life sometimes really does comes up with unexpected surprises, and I can't wait to be on my own.

This prospect is looming on my horizon. My man has advanced terminal cancer and also dementia. I've been told that the end could come at any time. We have a farm pretty much in the middle of nowhere - beautiful but of course isolated. Due to his illness my husband doesn't really converse, as such, and I'm used to that. We have good friends and family not all that far away, and I've always been the one who planned and organised. I'm quite content with my own company, but am so exhausted and desperate for sleep that in truth it'll be a relief for us both when the time comes. I know that sounds heartless, but he is weary of feeling so rotten and he's just had enough of it.

It does not sound heartless to me, MeggyMay, just realistic, and if more people were more honest I think we'd find we are not alone in the way we think and feel. There must be a reason why a lot of older women prefer to stay on their own and I for one will not be looking for another so-called "relationship". I'll be better off on my own.

I don't mind living on my own. I can do what I like when I like. I've never been happy to follow rigid routine so being able to please myself is fine. I like to keep busy, knitting, cooking, baking and some voluntary work. I also got a beautiful Westie 4 months ago and enjoy walking with her. No time to be lonely or bored.