Apart from Arnica, what's good for bruises?

You could do Twitter feed story times like Joanne Harris (@joannechocolat)

phoenix, please become a professional writer!

Oh well, here we go! Nellie you were so nearly right, it was a very near thing that my legs were waving out of the top!

What happened was....... we finished supper last night and I went out to scrape the plates into the bin. Firstly, it is very unusual for there to be anything left on our plates, and secondly, yes our Local Council actively encourages us to put food waste in the green wheelie bin.

Now, I'm not very tall, and the bin only had a small amount of stuff in it. So, I'm scraping away, and accidentally dropped the knife. As said earlier, tipping the bin on it's side would have been the best option.

Unfortunately wine had been taken, so my judgement was impaired.

I looked into the bin, could see the knife and thought that if I just sort of jumped a little bit, I might be able to reach it. So I jumped a bit, then kind of bounced up and down a bit, until my stomach was sort of balanced on the edge of the bin.

At this point there was a sort of "fulcrum" effect. (I'm not sure if that is the correct word, but it will have to do.)

Basically, within a split second, I became aware that there were only 2 possible outcomes, namely:

1) I would go head first into the bin, with my short fat hairy legs waving in the air. (A la Nellies image)

2) I could shift my weight back the other way, and fall backwards with the wheelie bin on top of me.

I briefly considered option, 1, but as Mr P had already gone through to the sitting room, I realised that I could have been upside down in the wheelie bin for some time. Well, at least until he came back into the kitchen to get another beer, glanced out of the window and wondered if the village had a new performance artist specialising in social commentary with regard to recycling.

So, I went with option 2.

I have a grabber gadget that retrieves objects binned by mistake. Got it when I had the hip op. Still a godsend.

Don't worry, Mishap - phoenix wasn't cleaning the bin, just leaning in to retrieve a dropped knife.

The only time I've ever cleaned ours was when something had leaked out of the kitchen binbag and created such an unholy stink that I had to!

Cleaning the wheelie bin!!! - GNetters are always putting me to shame. It truly would never occur to me to do such a thing; and it would seem that I am right - in the interests of health and safety - I knew there must be a good reason why I have never thought to do it!

Also a part of the body that, the harder you try not to knock it the more you do so..as if there's a sign on it saying 'c'mon kick me and make it worse'

When wheelie bins first came on the scene, a number of people had to be rescued from wheelie bins which they had fallen into while cleaning them. Presumably most of them now know that it is possible - as you say, phoenix - to tip them over and hose them out.

Shins bruise incredibly easily I imagine as there is very little flesh there. If the skin breaks it can also be slow to heal in, shall we say, older people. So take more care in decades to come!

Phoenix Why on earth were you leaning into your wheelie bin in the first place? I now have this image of your waving legs sticking out of the top!

I acquire bruises without even noticing. Usually by the time I do, it's too late for arnica, but I use it anyway!.

The bruises are really coming out now!

Of course, with hindsight I realise that I should have tipped it on its side, rather than trying to lean in.

Ah! Now I understand...

Automatic! (Car, not leg)

Even more !

Oh yes Ana, my right one.

Do you only use the one, then, phoenix?

Thank goodness it's not my driving leg!

For heaven's sake, woman - get better - you've got a car to pick up tomorrow!!!

Chocolate, and usually do it for me. If those fail,
Some people use Tiger Balm(???)

If you apply ice, do not apply it straight on skin. Wrap ice up in a light towel or something first.

Have you got any cabbage leaves phoenix? They're very soothing and can reduce swelling.....just replace them after a few hours as they warm up on your skin.

Agree, witch hazel, cold from the fridge. I tend to ignore my own bumps and bruises (which for some reason are becoming more frequent these days) but it is great for GC's bumps.

Definitely witch Hazel.
My Mum born in 1916 used it, my kids especially the boys with bumps on foreheads, shins etc always seemed to benefit and now the Grandkids too.

phoenix is still a sprightly young thing mishap guess circulation is fine.