DIL won't bring my grandson to my home

As Mr P would say "Standards darling, standards!"

I presume they don't do so with a bare bum though phoenix

Aka I don't let my friends or family lick my face either, but I have been known to let them perch on the worktop occasionally!

I can understand the problem with the allergy. When my daughter was a baby she often returned from visits to my mum and dad with her eyes very swollen and the whites of her eyes looked horrific. We very soon realised that she had been touching my parents' dog and then, when she got tired, she was rubbing her eyes, and obviously something she was getting from the dog's fur was causing an allergic reaction in her eyes. When I told my mum about this she was reallly upset, but the strange thing was that she actually seemed to be angry with me for mentioning it, when I thought I was doing my best to protect my child.

It is a difficult one if there is an allergy involved. The symptoms my daughter had were really frightening, particularly as she was my first child and I was a new mum, and when you are in that position, however much your family might love their dog, you really can't understand why they seem to love the dog more than they care about their grandchild's wellbeing.

Now, as a grandparent, and a dog owner, I can see it from the other side. However, as our dog does get stressed around the children, and actually growled at one of them (and, yes, I know that a growl is just a warning and nothing to worry about, but I'm not prepared to take the risk of anything else developing with my precious grandchildren), then he goes to day care when the children visit. As they are not local, these visits don't occur too often; I can see it would be more of a problem if they were local and were calling in every few days - in that case maybe the dog would get used to them and not get stressed, so better all round.

Yes, I agree wholeheartedly. Dogs are not substitute babies, we don't allow face licking (reminds me of that awful woman in There's Something About Mary, with her lap dog), and children need to be reasonably protected from catching unwanted germs and diseases from pets, but some people do go over the top in their abhorrence of dogs or their extreme concerns about cleanliness.

Having said that, dogs are wonderful companions, helpful to humans, and have an important role in many people's lives. Did anyone see the repeat of Martin Clunes' programme about dogs this week? How could the value of dogs in our lives be doubted?

I agree about work surfaces, and face licking. I'm also beginning to feel a rant coming on about people who treat their dogs like humans. My dogs are definitely a big part of our family, we all love them and enjoy sharing our lives with them. But - they are dogs and people come first. Especially baby people, and their new mums.

Agree very much with your post Greatnan though I do wipe the dogs' feet when they return from a walk. Much harder is to get some people to remove their shoes when they enter my house.

I never let my dogs or my friends or family lick my face or sit on my work surfaces.

Perhaps the rise in allergies is due in part to the over-disinfecting of every surface around a child so they never build up immunity.

You can love animals without wanting them to lick your face or sit on your work surfaces!

I understand the feelings of a new mother especially if she has a genuine allergy to dog hair. My own dogs do not shed and are bathed and wormed and treated against other parasites regularly. My grandchildren get great pleasure from them.
But this must not be allowed to drive a wedge between you and your DiL. You are welcome at her house, that is wonderful. Make the most of that and see what happens over time.
Most dogs are not walking dirt bags, carriers of infection or given to licking faces but a much loved member of the family. I would not chose as a close friend anyone who does not love animals.

agree nanej about how hard it is not to project our own anxieties on to ur children.
cjei - it's the mum who has allergies I think, so understandably, she worries that her baby may also be allergic to dogs.
I remain grateful that we had a GP who advised us to keep our pets, and to continue to take our then 7 year old daughter riding despite his view that horses and rabbits were both prime causes of allergies. That daughter had childhood eczema, hay fever and asthma. She is now 28 and her allergies are a thing of the past. I'm not advocating being totally careless with our children, but the GP was so balanced about the benefits to our child of continuing to ride, something she loved and excelled at, as well as caring for her rabbits etc. Are there more allergies now? There do seem to be, I suspect we're better at identifying them but also I do wonder about the increase in auto immune problems - is it the chemicals we're surrounded by?

Gosh..I left my DD1 at 6 weeks with my mum and I had my DGD1 for a nights when she was a similar age..when she was able to take a bottle of expressed milk and have had all of them (2 at a time!) overnight. But i know there are a lot of very anxious parents.

The ones who worried about leaving their children at school..it was not usuallythe child that was upset but mum! It is hard for parents not to project their anxiety onto their children.

We have just taken our six year old DGD home after her first ever stay with us without her parents. It is not us, her maternal grandmother lives close to home and is there almost daily but until a trial run a couple of weeks ago she had never stayed alone overnight with her either.

She has been with us since Sunday and everything went swimmingly, despite about 10 phone calls a day from one parent or another checking on her. Yesterday morning she said to me in an exasperated tone 'I do wish Mummy and Daddy would stop phoning us, it is getting very boring.'

Some parents are just a bit too overprotective and, as grandparents, we just have to learn to live with it.

I think you are missing the point Ladies, DIL doesn't want very new baby around dog because of allergy not dirt!!!

I grew up with dogs, and have had a series of dogs in my adult life. Three have been rescue dogs, who settled quickly into family life and we never had any problems, thankfully. My children and grandchildren grew up with animals, had respect as well as love for them. Like others, I believe that children benefit from living with pets. There are so many life lessons involved. I agree with other posters who've acknowledged your dil is a first time mum, and inevitably will be wanting to do everything possible to make sure her baby is nurtured and kept safe. If she has dog allergies, it's possible she isn't confident or comfortable around any dog. Can you talk things through with her, and acknowledge any fears she expresses. I hope that meeting her more than half way on this will help prevent this becoming a point of conflict at such a special time of family life.

I am not worried about what I might catch from a dog - I just don't like the idea of having my face licked when I know what else dogs lick!
In 'Come Dine with Me' I have seen many cats sitting on kitchen work surfaces,even whilst cooking is taking place. Yuk.

How often have we heard after a new tragedy that the dog was a much loved family pet and had never turned on a child before. My daughter had a sweet-natured springer spaniel which became aggressive very rapidly when she developed a brain tumour and she began attacking the family. The vet came and even he was quite alarmed by the level of aggression.
I don't think it is wise to allow young children to pull animals around - the first time the pet snaps could cause untold damage.

I think the danger lies when a much loved pet suddenly finds itself usurped by a a new baby. I'd heard that a lot of spaniels had to be rehomed when their owners had children so I made a point of not making a great deal of fuss of mine until I had my first baby and then we made up for it. Shih Tzus are adorable .

Well, I have two dogs, Shih Tzus and they are known for not losing any hairs at all. My DD also has one and this is because she has an allergy to dogs, cats and most other pets. She also has a four year old and a seventeen month old and they have been brought up with a dog and also are being taught how to behave round dogs. I have to say I would be shocked if any mother would put a baby of three months on the floor with any animal. Our dogs actually try and stay out of the way of the baby because they are at more risk from him than he is from them. All my children have been brought up with animals and learned to respect them and are teaching their children the same. I think there are many myths re dogs and what you can "catch" from them. Obviously you wouldn't put a young baby on the floor with any dog and some dogs you wouldn't leave any child with but, that is quite often down to the owner and how they treat them. My other DD had a beautiful chocolate Labrador and her first baby used to climb over and play with him from when he could walk or even before and my DD is a Midwife and certainly would never put her children at risk. She now lives in New Zealand has another child and has another dog. I think children miss out when they don't have a pet. They can enrich your lives and bring such joy and to see DGC with them brings double the joy.

If your DIL really doesn't want the dogs near her baby, would it be possible for them to go to doggy day care when she visits? We do this with our dog when the grandchildren come, not because their parents don't like him, but because he's very nervous around the lively excitable little ones. Maybe not ideal, but a possible solution?

I'm anti domestic animals myself so it wouldn't arise in the case of my grandchildren. I don't like going into houses where there are dogs and cats which leave hairs everywhere so would definitely not take my grandchildren there either!
However I can see it's a difficult situation re your family Failte and maybe your DIL will relax as the child gets older. Children do adore animals though! my GS is drawn to any animal that he sees-even from a mile off! but he doesn't know the dangers so I don't allow him near any strange dogs. Once your grandchild gets to this stage your DIL may feel differently about your dogs. Good Luck!

I'm sorry I made that joke now since I've remembered the OP is upset.

Well that takes the biscuit numberplease or should I say the Lassie meaty chunks .

I remember my mother, when staying with me for a few days years ago, asked me what the tasty little biscuits were she had found in the cupboard. They were cat biscuits. She said 'I thought they were a bit strong'

I must also be a terrible mother, we`ve nearly always had a dog, or cat, or both, through our kids` growing up. In fact, when child and daughter number 3 was crawling, she was regularly caught eating Lassie meaty chunks, whilst our German Shepherd sat watching. She says now that that`s why she`s always had such healthy hair!

let me know if it works out

Nanaej....that's a brilliant idea, thank you for your positivity xx