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DIL won't bring my grandson to my home

(68 Posts)
Failte81 Tue 13-Aug-13 03:09:26

We have a beautiful three month old grandson whom we visit regularly and we are made very welcome however my DIL has made it plain that he can't come to our home as we have a dog (great soft Labrador) and there are hairs around. She says that she is allergic to pet hairs and so baby might be too, although she grew up with dogs at her mums.he stays overnight there regularly. I'm broken hearted about this. Any ideas x

glammanana Tue 13-Aug-13 09:19:11

Failte81 I'm sorry you are feeling sad about this but if your DIL is a first time mum which I expect she is she is probably doing what she thinks is best for her baby,as regards to staying at her mum's girls will always gravitate to their mum's before MIL I think it just one of those things in life,maybe she feels a wee bit uncomfortable showing her mothering skill's when she is in your home she will still be feeling overwhelmed after the arrival of the new baby I suspect,I would tend to leave things as they are as you don't want to cause any ill feeling about this as it could esculate into something more serious.Just wait a while until little one is more active and childminding crops up and you will be top of the list I'm sure. ((hugs))

cjel Tue 13-Aug-13 14:04:04

Afraid I agree, we just have to suck it up and not say anything sad,
Remember she will et fed up of having him 24 hrs a day before you get fed up of wanting him and as she is trying to do what she thinks is best for her baby you have to go along with it. It won't last forever and at least she makes you welcome at hers. just bide your time smile

Failte81 Tue 13-Aug-13 15:35:14

Thanks ladies, much appreciated x

Mishap Tue 13-Aug-13 15:43:25

Sorry Failte781 - I am with your DIL all the way. Having had my babies slobbered over by a quite revolting pair of dogs belonging to my in-laws I admire her taking a stance over this. I did not have that courage and I have dreadful memories of trying to keep them off the babies; and of the babes crawling about on the carpet and then MIL announcing that one of the "poor things" had a suppurating anal gland. Yukk and double yukk - I swept the babes up from the floor pdq as you can imagine!

Enjoy the welcome that you get at her home and enjoy your dear GS there. When he is a bit bigger she may feel differently - just go with the flow and be happy for the time you have with him. Simply not worth falling out over! - and certainly not warranting a broken heart! Just enjoy!

harrigran Tue 13-Aug-13 15:54:00

I am with your DIL as well, would not allow my children in a house where there were dogs and I certainly would not take a baby and put it on the floor.

Greatnan Tue 13-Aug-13 16:11:14

My gd won't take her little girls to her mother's house because the two large dogs are allowed to lie on the settees and they shed hairs. She s not a dog-hater, but I think my gd would be happier if they were confined to part of the house. I feel sick when I see people allowing dogs to lick children's faces, knowing what else they lick!
And no young child should ever be left alone with a dog, however, soft and gentle the owner thinks it is.

Bez Tue 13-Aug-13 16:42:48

I too agree with her - DH is a asthma sufferer and we once went away leaving his DD in our house with her Doberman - lovely dog- we also had assurances that said dog would not go into the sitting room. When we got back we were told the dog never crossed the threshold - but it took me three months of vacuuming settee and armchairs on a daily basis before DH was able to go I to the room and not have some reaction.
It will be better to wait till the baby is older and any allergies known about before any risks are taken on that score alone. As you can visit the baby in it's home everything will be on hand and you will be able to have a clear conscience that any reaction the babe may have will have nothing to do with you!

KatyK Tue 13-Aug-13 16:50:14

I wouldn't want a baby of mine near dogs. Also dogs can become jealous
no matter how 'soft' they appear. I know someone who had a labrador for many years which was a docile family pet. When this lady's baby was 18 months old, she was putting washing out and heard her child screaming. The dog had savaged the child's face, scarring her for life. Be happy that you are welcomed into their home.

whenim64 Tue 13-Aug-13 17:21:43

We're lucky we have no major dog allergies or excessive moulting problems in my family, and the children have been shown dogs from being a few months old, usually with the dog on the lead and the children sitting with a vantage point where they won't be licked. My 19 month old twin grandaughters have met my dog a few times, but haven't touched her yet (they do have a cat who decides how much contact he will allow them). Their 4 year old cousins spend a lot of time with my dog - they adore each other, and it's wonderful to see them playing together. The dog even queues up to go on their little slide with them, and will willingly take instructions from them.

The relationship between dogs and children can be something very special. I grew up loving dogs, and they have enhanced my life. I always hoover thoroughly before the children visit, the dog isn't allowed on furniture and is definitely not fed from the table. She's well-trained and has learned that children can be rough and tumble but she can't. I would never leave a child unsupervised with a dog, no matter how much confidence I have in them.

I hope some flexibility is eventually allowed, Failte81. When children get to two or three, they can start enjoying playtime with lovely family dogs like labradors. Perhaps taking the dog along to fun open air treats like a picnic with a game of rounders or frisbee woud suit your DIL better when the baby is bigger. smile

Tegan Tue 13-Aug-13 17:29:22

My neighbour always had cats but became allergic to them after the last one died. Labs are dreadful when it comes to shedding hair and, soft and gentle as they are, it's easyto forget just how big and powerful they are compared to a small baby. I have a dog gate across the kitchen door to keep my whippet away from the grandchildren when they visit. My two grew up surrounded by dogs and cats; every photo of them in the house or garden seems to have a dog or cat in it but I think if I was a young mother now things would be different [which is sad]. One dog went blind at a very early age and, in retrospect could have been snappy because of it, and my neices child was scratched across the face by her mum's cat. Another friend's daughter has recently been badly bitten on the face by a friend's dog. Your DIL is just being a loving, protective mother and it's no slight on you that she won't visit, so try not to feel too upset about it.

nanaej Tue 13-Aug-13 17:34:37

The childminder where my DGSs go to has two dogs. Dogs are either in their cage or outside when kids are inside or on the lead when they all go out for walks.

I can understand a parent's wariness if there is a history of allergy and echo the advice 'never leave kids/dogs alone together'!

Could you all go on a walk together and then find a dog friendly pub for lunch. This might help your DiL get more used to being around the dog with the baby. Hopefully over time things will be more relaxed.

LizG Tue 13-Aug-13 18:42:02

Looking back I was dreadful to my MiL after the birth of my first DD I was neurotic about cleanliness and she was, shall we say, more relaxed. She put up with me and suddenly we needed her to look after our daughter when we were looking at houses; the child who was weedy and didn't eat well, had to stay with her for two nights and I was horrified. When I got back having had an amazing trip away DD had grown - honest - was eating properly and was a much nicer child. I never forgot that lesson and when Dd no 3 came along, when she was just a few days old I asked MiL to bath her. It was my way of saying 'sorry'. My poor MiL went into shock.

I think your DiL could be much as I was. It is good that you see your DGS, I wasn't so kind! I have a young grandson now and a licky lurcher. It was very stressful keeping them apart and I was quite relieved to visit at their home.

seasider Wed 14-Aug-13 01:10:21

Gosh I must be a bad mother! My children spent lots of time with my mother who had a dog and a messy house but also had lots of love and time for them. My MIL had a show house but found it hard to relate to them though no doubt she loved them. I think you will have to abide by DILs wishes bearing in mind all the info she will have been given about keeping the baby away from everything!

kittylester Wed 14-Aug-13 09:36:43

Our children grew up with dogs and cats too and although I find it hard to believe now, they used to eat sandwiches leaning up against one of our two bassets. We allowed cats to sleep on the beds too. shock But those animals were around children all the time and were used to the.

We, recently, had to send one of our Miniature Schnauzers to a rescue centre because he just got too excited when the DGC came and knocked them over all the time. He also jumped into a Mose's basket, luckily after we'd taken the baby out. Gates etc were not an option as he just yapped continuously.

Tegan Wed 14-Aug-13 10:50:01

A friend of mine has one of those and it's very yappy. Are the breed prone to 'yappiness'? I had a spaniel that barked all the time and she drove me completely mad.

whenim64 Wed 14-Aug-13 10:57:16

kitty my grandsons lean on my basset when they're reading and I just stopped one of them in time as he settled down next to her with his ice lolly - her eyes lit up at the possibility of sharing it! grin

cjel Wed 14-Aug-13 11:11:32

my grandchildren used to use my bull mastiff as a chair back, we used to tell them to leave her alone and then we'd watch as she'd move to be in the middle of them again!! BUT if any of the kids had not wanted them to go near her I would have understood, especially so young and newsmile

Failte81 Wed 14-Aug-13 18:22:51

Nanaej....that's a brilliant idea, thank you for your positivity xx

nanaej Wed 14-Aug-13 18:30:57

let me know if it works out smile

numberplease Wed 14-Aug-13 20:48:17

I must also be a terrible mother, we`ve nearly always had a dog, or cat, or both, through our kids` growing up. In fact, when child and daughter number 3 was crawling, she was regularly caught eating Lassie meaty chunks, whilst our German Shepherd sat watching. She says now that that`s why she`s always had such healthy hair!

petallus Wed 14-Aug-13 21:01:25

Well that takes the biscuit numberplease or should I say the Lassie meaty chunks grin.

I remember my mother, when staying with me for a few days years ago, asked me what the tasty little biscuits were she had found in the cupboard. They were cat biscuits. She said 'I thought they were a bit strong'

petallus Wed 14-Aug-13 21:02:54

I'm sorry I made that joke now since I've remembered the OP is upset.

Speldnan Thu 15-Aug-13 11:07:56

I'm anti domestic animals myself so it wouldn't arise in the case of my grandchildren. I don't like going into houses where there are dogs and cats which leave hairs everywhere so would definitely not take my grandchildren there either!
However I can see it's a difficult situation re your family Failte and maybe your DIL will relax as the child gets older. Children do adore animals though! my GS is drawn to any animal that he sees-even from a mile off! but he doesn't know the dangers so I don't allow him near any strange dogs. Once your grandchild gets to this stage your DIL may feel differently about your dogs. Good Luck!

MrsSB Thu 15-Aug-13 11:31:17

If your DIL really doesn't want the dogs near her baby, would it be possible for them to go to doggy day care when she visits? We do this with our dog when the grandchildren come, not because their parents don't like him, but because he's very nervous around the lively excitable little ones. Maybe not ideal, but a possible solution?