I have a 22 year old son with Tourettes as well as Classic Kanners Autism, and additional mental health problems including paranoia and psychosis - the latter developed about 4 years ago.
When I told my late nana I thought my son was autistic, she told me - och don't say that. When I told her he'd been diagnosed she said - do you want me to keep it a secret. We live abroad so it could have been done according to her. She was a product of her time, that's all, but I also believe that because my mum had mental health problems, she had bi polar disorder, my nana thought she was perhaps in some way to blame for both of them being 'affy no weel' as we say in Scotland. And as it happens when researching my family tree I discovered my granddads grandfather had died in our local asylum in 1919 of a heart attack. Why he was there I really don't know, it could have even been due to mustard gas poisoning after the war but I doubt it. I think the facts speak for themselves - there is something in the family.
My sister in law here in Muscat stunned me the other day by saying I'm really happy that DS2 is going to be a father but I am so worried about this autism thing. I was stunned because there are 4 children on the spectrum in the family, there's my son, my sister in laws eldest granddaughter who has more of a global developmental delay but definitely on the spectrum, my other sister in law has a HF granddaughter, and I have my thoughts on the toddler grandson of another sister in law. There is also Bi-polar and Schizophrenia in my husbands side about 5 times over.
I was stunned because its just a year ago that my sister in law still spoke of the time her granddaughter got a bump on her head at 3 months of age and that's why she is the way she is - she's now 20. But more than that she has always said - there is nothing like this in our family, meaning autism. I would just say to her, there could have been in the past, and that you didn't see it.
My sister in law is everything to me, I adore her, we are each others support in life, but I have always had to leave it when she said - there is nothing like this in our family, because she would look so ashamed and uncomfortable when she was saying it. I felt heart sorry for her and not just because I knew she was in turmoil inside her heart and head.
It took a lot of learning and coming to terms with things for her to be able to say she is worried and she has now said - we will be worried about all of the babies to come. She's right, Im waiting on grandchild number 4 and each time I have a new one on the way I worry. I just told her what I tell myself and my children - well there's no better family to be born into, we are experts at this and we have the means to deal with it, whatever comes we will face it together.
Ive blethered, I know, but hopefully it may help you KAHWBGF.