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First mother in law

(10 Posts)
Maya Sun 19-Jan-14 22:22:51

My son in law's first mother in law lives nearby and I meet up with her for lunch from time to time. I live on my own after getting divorced some years ago. As she was widowed last year and quite elderly lunch together occasionally seemed a nice idea. She gets on well with my daughter and her husband ( her previous son in law) and accepts invitations to come to their house for meals where I am invited too. Last time I phoned she was very cool with me and we left it that she would phone me.
I think it was a way of putting me off. I am trying to be objective but finding it hard. What would anyone suggest?

janerowena Sun 19-Jan-14 22:46:59

Try again. I have a friend who lives in France, her son's mother-in-law over there was recently widowed so my friend phoned her, they always met up at her son's house too. The woman was a bit cool with her too, so my friend was quite shocked when she suddenly received an invitation to go and visit, quite a journey away. You just don't know what state she was in when you rang. Maybe she had a friend there at the time.

Maya Mon 20-Jan-14 09:49:52

Thank you for your encouragement. As you say she may have a lot on her plate. I am thinking of sending her a card as it is her birthday this week, putting my phone number on. Then the ball is in her court and there are no hard feelings on my side. Your reply has helped a lot!

glammanana Mon 20-Jan-14 10:05:27

Maya Such a good idea to send a friendly card maybe your friend was feeling a bit under the weather at the time & still ajusting to being on her own. best of luck to you x

sunseeker Mon 20-Jan-14 10:11:37

I was widowed just over 2 years ago and there are times when I just want to shut myself away and not speak to anyone. The loss seems to hit me especially hard some days and I am sure if a friend rang on one of those days I would probably appear a bit "off" that is if I even answered the phone. (Today is one of those days for me).

Do send her a birthday card as I am sure she values your friendship and didn't mean to cause any upset.

LizG Mon 20-Jan-14 11:02:56

Sunseeker flowers xx

sunseeker Mon 20-Jan-14 12:43:32

Thanks Liz I know this feeling will pass - I just have to get through today.

sunseeker Mon 20-Jan-14 12:45:33

I should have added that it hasn't helped that I had a phone call from my brother this morning - he is due to go for more tests today and although he normally puts on a strong front for his wife and family, felt he needed to talk to someone. I did my best to help him and he did sound brighter by the end of the phone call - but it didn't do a lot for my mood.

Mishap Mon 20-Jan-14 12:49:25

Thinking of you sunseeker

Maya - it is always hard when we feel a bit rebuffed; but I sometimes remind myself that it is not necessarily something I have done or said, but might be something else entirely. It would be nice to keep the door open with this lady if possible.

Maya Mon 20-Jan-14 17:53:36

Have posted the card! All your considerate responses are worth a lot to me - it's not as trivial as it might sound is it? So easy for bad feeling to develop between people when feelings are bruised.
Sunseeker you are highly valued.