De Motivated

The thread is in the Work and Volunteering forum Cathy and is called 'Why is it so difficult to find employees?' Ignore the argy-bargy in the thread, there's probably some genuine good advice in amongst it.

Welcome Cathy and well done to you on your decision to find out more about starting your own Company you are never to old to do something like this as I proved 18mths ago when just by chance I did some outside catering for a friend of mine and hey-ho it took off like wild fire,I now have the contract for the Local Council and their monthly meeting and am booked up until July doing wedding/christening/communion buffets so get all the information you can just be sure not to over faze yourself and learn to say no if you cannot fit any inquiry into your working week.best of luck to you & your hubby.

Wasn't it something about not being able to recruit staff and the OP was severely critised for offering low pay. Someone else's brain will be more efficient at remembering the thread I'm sure

Would love to speak to them--how do I find the thread, thanks

You'll be able to get more tips from there, Cathy.

Perhaps you could PM the poster directly?

Isn't there a thread about running a cleaning company somewhere?

cathbee hi and welcome..I think as others have said there are many of us on here that could write the same post as your first post, I'm sure it has come as a shock to you both and we all have to find our own way around it, it is easy to blame each other and it can make you both resentful of each other, I really hope your "new idea" comes off!! you will be able to choose your own times/clients/holidays etc good luck

WOW - that's a sea-change from where you were a few days ago, Cathybee - good for you! That sounds a brilliant idea. Good luck with your plans - keep us posted on progress, and I'm really pleased you're feeling so much more positive

Dear Diary--This is what it feels like speaking on Gransnet, only much better, as this Diary talks back!

For the past few days I have been doing much deliberating about the situation that I now find myself in, and have decided that it would be a good idea to start up a cleaning company..(to help make up for my DH lost income)I have researched it and actually spoke to a Dear friend of mine that has run a cleaning company for many years. He has given me lots of good pointers.

It has lifted my spirits and given me a goal to work towards.

Rowantree - Yes it is a shame that most of the National Trust properties are only accessible by car. DH is fortunate that the one he works at is only a 15 minute bus ride away. He has always loved history so it is ideal for him. I'm not sure how he would have fared without it to be honest.

Cathy I hope things soon get better for you both.

Bel Mooney wrote a book called 'A Small Dog Saved my Life' (Amazon)

It may not help your husband cathybee, but perhaps it may help someone who reads it. I have not read it myself but I understand it is very helpful.

There are some very helpful comments above, so I can't add much except to say that I had to retire early through ill-health. It is a tremendous shock if it happens suddenly, and, although I was not the main breadwinner I worked fulltime and my salary made a good contribution to our income; for instance funding our youngest through university, paying for holidays etc. Our mortgage was still not finished either. It took a while to get used to it (and getting medication sorted out etc).
A friend suggested a painting group which I went to for years before acknowledging that I really wasn't artistic. But it was fun and I met new people. I researched our family history (ongoing) and have tried to get my life back on an even keel despite another major health setback. I think women find retirement easier than men, they seem to find more hobbies etc.

DH didn't retire for some time after, and he did not take to it very well, by that time I had found myself a routine. Whenever anyone asked if he was enjoying retirement he would say 'NO! I'd rather be working'. It took him a couple of years to find things that he enjoys at my suggestion (voluntary work, so he feels useful).

I hope you can both work this out together. Unless he is feeling ill I think staying in bed is not good. Does he like animals? Perhaps a small dog that needs attention and he has to take out for walks if possible? Something else to concentrate on which needs him

Thank you for your messages, yes it really does help being able to share things. I hope things get better for you Deedaa thank you for your post.

Cathybee I recognise so much of what you are going through! DH also had to retire early because of illness and we were left with two year's mortgage to pay. I had already retired to look after our grandson so I only had my pension. Fortunately with help from Macmillan we were able to get enough benefits to get the house paid off, which was an enormous relief, but I am still stuck with a chronically depressed invalid who doesn't want to do anything and never wants to be left alone. He spends most of the day in front of the computer, but he's even losing interest in that.
I have no idea what the answer is, but I know there a a lot of people in the same boat! At least we can come on here and find someone to talk to.

Thank you for your messages--I feel much better than I did this morning. I am very grateful for every comment.

Rowantree please do try and find out more about the NT property thing, its great that you have a strong interest in it and know that it will make you happy..after all were there is a will there is a way, thank you for your post

Cathy, don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself for what you did or didn't do in the past. You coped as best you could in the situation you were in - that's all any of us can do. So a leedle bit of self-compassion, ja?

And no apologies for being mis - of course you are fed up and feeling low! And that's what we're all here for: sharing, supporting, listening.

Glad DH is at least talking the talk - it's a start I love stansgran's bacon suggestion (assuming you aren't Jewish or Muslim, that is ;) )

With us, it seems to be 'tother way round - DH is totally happy with retirement - it's me who is struggling, but there are reasons for that.
He spends a lot of time doing family history research, or tweaking his photographs on the computer (he takes photos of birds and other wildlife when we go out). Other than that, he's happy to take me out to places in the car (I don't drive very far). I need to work on myself though - with depression and anxiety you are constantly fighting the feelings of 'what's the point?' and that isn't how I want to live, so I try to plan ahead so there are people to see and things to do during the week.
I used to LOVE doing textile art but the creative urge has waned considerably. I'm trying to re-kindle it, with some limited success. It does help to have interests, and some are discovered only when you retire.
KatyK, I'd like to do what your DH does - and I would, if I could get to a NT property by public transport. Our local ones are only accessible by car. It must be a very fulfilling thing to get involved in!

Cathybee - I hope your DH can find something he can do from home - what about tutoring, for example? Just a thought.

Cathy as someone who has always bounced along life bumping off the sides of problems. After losing both parents one after the other and then told my job had virtually disappeared I have spent a year in limbo not even realising it, but totally unable to do anything different to ordinary everyday stuff, couldn't push myself AT ALL I was walking in treacle My head was making loads of arrangements and then I never could carry them through so ended up doing nothing It was on this site seeing others talk about depression that I started to think 'I may be depressed' I am now on my second bottle of St Johns Wort from the health shop I m not going to pretend I m back to my old self but I do feel a lot better still finding big decisions hard but doing more and can see how hopefully when the weather stops teasing us that I will be able to start living again Good luck

Are there small things you can do together that take you both out of the house? Going for a walk, a drink at a pub or a simple meal out. I do appreciate funds may be limited. Despite the weather, spring is on the way and some places are open to visit snow drops.

Perhaps if you can gently break the day up so the TV has to go off for a while and you do something else.

Do not be apologetic about how you feel, you would be quite remarkable if you bounced through times like this like Tigger. Look after yourself, find something that takes you out of the house doing something he is not included in. Even if you have no long term interest the Women's Institute or Townswomen's Guild will take you out of the house, give you a cup of tea and give you people to talk to about other matters.

...and come back and talk to us when you feel down or something eciting happens. we are with you, rain or shine

Glad he has said he will try to find something Cathy. My DH was very unhappy when he first retired (and consequently so was I). He got himself a job as a tour guide for the National Trust. He chooses his days and hours and it has given him a new lease of life. He has always loved history and it suits him really well. It is not far from where we live and he goes on the bus or train, using his bus pass. We are both much happier bunnies

Thank you for your messages. It is not all doom and gloom, DH has said that he will try and find something that he can do, small business or part time work. I am sorry to have been a miserable bumble.

yes the worse thing you could do is ignore him and let him spend too much time alone. let him know you like to be around him. for Valentine's Day.

Always put the alarm on for dawn or thereabouts and crash round ,draw curtains,comment on the weather. Make a cup of tea for him and have one yourself listening to the radio in bed. Make him want to get up. Fry bacon and ask if he wants some. You don't have to eat it but it does lure people out of bed. Hoover daily crashing into things. If you have sky tv and that's what is keeping him in bed watching tv then forget to pay. All this obviously when you have explored other avenues. For some people retirement is painful. I have every sympathy for you.

Thank you for your messages. To be honest retirement is not an option for me, as financially we are not ready for retirement, the mortgage is still not quite fully paid up yet, we still have five years left, that is what is making this situation extra difficult.

It is a frightening place to be and I have many regrets about our finances now. I tried telling my husband many times that we should be saving more, he just wanted to live for the day, now we are having to pay the price, I am a little resentful towards DH as my attempt to prepare for the future was quashed by him time after time, and now we are vulnerable.

I do feel angry at myself for not taking more control. It was difficult for me because ours was a very traditional, man goes out to work, women stays at home kind of a relationship. DH was mostly in control of the finances.

Still I feel I should have done something.

Sensible advice, rosesarered, kitty, granny etc...

I guess it all depends on how long it's being going on...the longer it has, the more of a rut it can be to get out of - but not impossible. It does take time to adjust to new situations, that's certainly true, especially when one's former role is no longer workable for reasons of health or redundancy and so on. And you both need time to adjust to the resulting sadness. However, if you feel that DH isn't responding to encouragement or suggestions, over a period of time, I still feel the GP might be a good bet. And no, I know there's no magic bullet for sadness; it's the listening ear, the understanding, the different perspectives which might make a difference. And before anyone adds the obvious......all of that you will find on here, in shedloads, but only you know whether your GP will be able to provide some additional support or help. Keep posting, though - wishing you plenty of