Husbands

Thanks kitty - I just thought it might highlight that sometimes a good row or a sulk is something to be treasured!

Mishap (((hugs)))

tricia you are right, it's just an avoidance thing, going off to bed to sleep.Better than him going to the pub or yelling at you.I have heard that some men do go to sleep in the face of the wife's wrath!

Interesting discussion. Just to throw another aspect into the mix - I am faced with having to bite my tongue a lot because OH is ill (he has PD), so the idea of a good row, or even saying something that might send him off to bed seems to me to be a bit of a luxury!

I think perhaps going to bed and going to sleep is similar to running off to the pub - both are avoidance reactions. Not knowing what to say or do but feeling angry/hurt. And the the other person feeling the same but reacting differently.
My husband used to refuse to speak to me for 2-3 days. In the end I just said sorry and begged him to come out of his shell.
Now this rarely happens, thank God, it's SO frustrating.
Thankyou to Cathybee for bringing this up - I thought I was the only one with problems like this.

Really really need an edit button.

Cathybee they stayed together and were married for almost 60 yr he did mellow with age but was never an easy man to live with my Mum must of loved him an awful lot ,I don't think would of put up with him if I'm honest. Only you know whether how much you are prepared to put up with.

It used to really get to me, but a combination of getting to the bed first to read and ignoring him worked. I can't remember how long it took, but years before I started using the bed - after that, he stopped virtually straight away. I have to say, we rarely disagree anymore nowadays anyway. Most of our rows were caused by me thinking that he should have known that he was meant to have done a thing, or remembered to do them. Once I realised that I had to ask/remind him, and he didn't mind, we were fine.

It's sad that you are thinking of giving up, though. I don't suppose you could sit down together and talk about it? Or write down in a letter how you feel about it?

My husband sleeps a lot if he's stressed, have also known him to fall asleep when I'm trying to tell him about something he has done to upset me!
Very annoying and I do make sure he knows that, he claims he doesn't realise he's falling asleep!

DH's DGM used to take to her bed, and my DF used to get a 'tummy ache' if he didn't want to do something DM wanted him to do ( or slam the door and go off to his greenhouse).

I am going to try and take your advice, glammanana, though it will be extremely difficult.

jane I can't believe that someone else does this, its such a silly thing to do I honestly never thought that I would hear of any one else doing it.

I am not sure if anyone else in his family did it, I was not around them long enough.

I thought it was just his laziness. I am really happy for you that you have found a cure but I have not got that kind of effort left in me and just want it all to end.

It has not been an easy marriage, mostly grief and hard times and it would be nice to spend the rest of my life differently.

Get there first, cathybee. My OH used to do it, I couldn't understand it until i saw his mother do it over something so small and petty that I was shocked. At least i suddenly realised where OH had got the habit from. It's annoying, but not much different from me going out in the garden and weeding for half an hour to calm down. Or Ex getting in the car and driving off, although he usually drove to the pub which was rather stupid.

The problem with clearing off to bed is that it does nothing, unless maybe you read, to dissipate the mood. you are alone with your thought festering around inside you. At least going to the pub gives you company and dtstraction and distance, and gardening or vacuuming are constructive. Going to bed and sulking is plain childish, IMO. So I fought back by getting there first. I always have a pile of books by the bed, it was no hardship, and gradually he got out of the habit, watched TV instead and his mood was so much better.

My sister has always said that she hates the way we have to pander our husbands' egos, I didn't see it that way, I just saw it as a challenge to break a bad habit.

tanith, did your parents stay together or split. I have really had enough to be honest. It just does not make sense to me just to ge to bed in the middle of a disagreement I can not see a future for us even though we have been together forever.

tanith, did your parents stay together or split. I have really had enough to be honest. It just does not make sense to me just to ge to bed in the middle of a disagreement I can not see a future for us even though we have been together forever.

Mr G does not shout or get stressed he knows it's not worth it as I would just ignore him we have not had a falling out for years thank goodness.

My ex was just plain nasty which is why he's an ex, but my present husband of 20 years is pretty quiet and I'm glad to say we don't usually disagree about anything.

HymnsElf is a quiet one too. I pretend I don't notice these days

Not just you, pen . MrB just goes quiet, or I should say even quieter.

No. When my husband is stressed about something, he just shouts at me and then walks away when I shout back.

My DH and I just don't fall out thankfully but my Dad used to go to bed when he got into a row with my Mum he would then shut my Mum out of the bedroom and she would come and share my bed his sulks could literally last for months we kids thought it was normal behavior for years.

Mine sighs and huffs a bit. Finds something to do or goes out and communes with nature!!!

We too , never fall out , I am glad to say !!

I think the majority of men suffer from' the ostrich syndrome' ( burying head in the sand)

Mine rarely gets stressed, but when he does he doesn't say much. Just gets on with things. He's good like that. Would hate it if he went to bed! Must be hard for you cathybee.

Mine goes into hissy fit mode,stomps about and waves his arms. I smile...its never about me, thankfully ... and wait for him to calm down.