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(82 Posts)
cathybee Sun 23-Feb-14 19:04:43

When my DH is stressed he just goes to bed, no matter what time of the day it is, this is what he does, and always has does, when something is going on that he does not want to face, mainly in times of disagreements. Does anyone else's husband do this?

rosequartz Sun 23-Feb-14 19:11:38

No, mine shouts and swears and stomps off to the garage where he has a workbench.

Kiora Sun 23-Feb-14 19:18:08

No. Mine goes in the garage and tinkers. I have always thought it's better than going down the pub, to the betting shop or another women. I go for a walk or a friends house to talk it through. We both do that less now. After 38+ years we have learnt that eventually things have to be faced up to or talked about. As long as he's not sulking for too long. Using it as a way to punish you then removing oneself from a stressful situation is often a good move. It allows things to cool down. However if it's happening too often or really affecting your relationship then perhaps you need to find a way of sorting things out. It's never easy though is it.

Penstemmon Sun 23-Feb-14 19:18:14

Oh no we just yell at each other and stomp about huffing loudly! Or is that just me?confused

cathybee Sun 23-Feb-14 19:23:11

It is very frustrating though and in my opinion child like. I would rather sort things out and move on, he just wants to pretend it is not happening.

Ana Sun 23-Feb-14 19:24:09

I did have a boyfriend who did that, cathybee, when I was between husbands so he wasn't exactly a boy! It was very frustrating when there was an issue which needed resolving but he just wouldn't discuss it...hmm

rosequartz Sun 23-Feb-14 19:24:10

No, penstemmon, I shout back too. Both of us want the last word, have told him he can have it as long as it's 'yes dear'.
It's surprising how much we both get done when we have had a 'difference'.
Must be the surge of adrenaline.

mollie Sun 23-Feb-14 19:25:12

Mine goes into hissy fit mode,stomps about and waves his arms. I smile...its never about me, thankfully ... and wait for him to calm down.

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 23-Feb-14 19:35:50

Mine rarely gets stressed, but when he does he doesn't say much. Just gets on with things. He's good like that. Would hate it if he went to bed! Must be hard for you cathybee.

dollie Sun 23-Feb-14 19:54:10

I think the majority of men suffer from' the ostrich syndrome' ( burying head in the sand)

Nonu Sun 23-Feb-14 20:11:27

We too , never fall out , I am glad to say !! smilesmile

Flowerofthewest Sun 23-Feb-14 20:57:30

Mine sighs and huffs a bit. Finds something to do or goes out and communes with nature!!! shock

tanith Sun 23-Feb-14 22:50:47

My DH and I just don't fall out thankfully but my Dad used to go to bed when he got into a row with my Mum he would then shut my Mum out of the bedroom and she would come and share my bed his sulks could literally last for months we kids thought it was normal behavior for years.

Eloethan Sun 23-Feb-14 23:43:01

No. When my husband is stressed about something, he just shouts at me and then walks away when I shout back.

thatbags Mon 24-Feb-14 10:15:45

Not just you, pen wink. MrB just goes quiet, or I should say even quieter.

MiceElf Mon 24-Feb-14 10:20:52

HymnsElf is a quiet one too. I pretend I don't notice these days

sherish Mon 24-Feb-14 10:24:00

My ex was just plain nasty which is why he's an ex, but my present husband of 20 years is pretty quiet and I'm glad to say we don't usually disagree about anything.

glammanana Mon 24-Feb-14 10:27:16

Mr G does not shout or get stressed he knows it's not worth it as I would just ignore him we have not had a falling out for years thank goodness.

cathybee Mon 24-Feb-14 11:23:26

tanith, did your parents stay together or split. I have really had enough to be honest. It just does not make sense to me just to ge to bed in the middle of a disagreement I can not see a future for us even though we have been together forever.

cathybee Mon 24-Feb-14 11:24:21

tanith, did your parents stay together or split. I have really had enough to be honest. It just does not make sense to me just to ge to bed in the middle of a disagreement I can not see a future for us even though we have been together forever.

janerowena Mon 24-Feb-14 11:59:30

Get there first, cathybee. My OH used to do it, I couldn't understand it until i saw his mother do it over something so small and petty that I was shocked. At least i suddenly realised where OH had got the habit from. It's annoying, but not much different from me going out in the garden and weeding for half an hour to calm down. Or Ex getting in the car and driving off, although he usually drove to the pub which was rather stupid.

The problem with clearing off to bed is that it does nothing, unless maybe you read, to dissipate the mood. you are alone with your thought festering around inside you. At least going to the pub gives you company and dtstraction and distance, and gardening or vacuuming are constructive. Going to bed and sulking is plain childish, IMO. So I fought back by getting there first. I always have a pile of books by the bed, it was no hardship, and gradually he got out of the habit, watched TV instead and his mood was so much better.

My sister has always said that she hates the way we have to pander our husbands' egos, I didn't see it that way, I just saw it as a challenge to break a bad habit.

cathybee Mon 24-Feb-14 12:27:48

jane I can't believe that someone else does this, its such a silly thing to do I honestly never thought that I would hear of any one else doing it.

I am not sure if anyone else in his family did it, I was not around them long enough.

I thought it was just his laziness. I am really happy for you that you have found a cure but I have not got that kind of effort left in me and just want it all to end.

It has not been an easy marriage, mostly grief and hard times and it would be nice to spend the rest of my life differently.

rosequartz Mon 24-Feb-14 12:37:50

DH's DGM used to take to her bed, and my DF used to get a 'tummy ache' if he didn't want to do something DM wanted him to do ( or slam the door and go off to his greenhouse).

I am going to try and take your advice, glammanana, though it will be extremely difficult.

emmasnan Mon 24-Feb-14 13:10:51

My husband sleeps a lot if he's stressed, have also known him to fall asleep when I'm trying to tell him about something he has done to upset me!
Very annoying and I do make sure he knows that, he claims he doesn't realise he's falling asleep!

janerowena Mon 24-Feb-14 16:46:15

It used to really get to me, but a combination of getting to the bed first to read and ignoring him worked. I can't remember how long it took, but years before I started using the bed - after that, he stopped virtually straight away. I have to say, we rarely disagree anymore nowadays anyway. Most of our rows were caused by me thinking that he should have known that he was meant to have done a thing, or remembered to do them. Once I realised that I had to ask/remind him, and he didn't mind, we were fine.

It's sad that you are thinking of giving up, though. I don't suppose you could sit down together and talk about it? Or write down in a letter how you feel about it?