My mum’s parents are in their early 80s, and they have recently moved from the south of England, up to the north, to be nearer my mum. It was a move that my mum organised with them, as she was finding going down to see them for a week out of every month too disruptive to her life, and they really weren’t coping looking after themselves. Also, she is in quite delicate health herself, and it was really taking a toll on her, physically and mentally.
Anyway, she facilitated moving them into some lovely sheltered accommodation round the corner from her, but they are now making her life a misery. My grandpa complains constantly that he wants to go back down south (even though my Grandma has decided that she wants to stay up here.) He is adamant that he will cope by himself in his old house, despite never having made so much as a cup of tea for himself in his life. He bullies my grandma, and makes my mum feel guilty. He never left the house when he lived down south, and doesn’t have any friends living down there anymore. I understand moving is difficult, but he is tormenting my mum, and my grandma.
My grandma on the other hand, is calling my mum at all hours of the day, and uses emotional blackmail to get her own way. My mum spends most her time round at theirs, doing everything for them. My dad is getting really frustrated with my mum, as she is making herself ill running round after them, and he can see the mental and physical effects it’s having on her.
They’re not that nice to her, and they completely dominate her life – she does so much for them, but it’s never enough.
I want my mum to do less for them, as these are the years that she’s meant to be enjoying her life with my dad. But she can’t. My siblings and I all live quite far away, so we can only help on an ad hoc basis. I know there are agencies out there that can help with things like appointments and home help, but the emotional pull my grandparents have on my mum mean that she will not pass them off onto a helping organisation, despite her own poor health.
It’s got the point that whenever my siblings or I speak to my parents, it’s pretty much all they talk about, and Christmas’s have got particularly grim!
Can anyone offer any advice on how to make this situation less grim – for my grandparents, and for my parents?
What are your experiences?
Is there anything I can do to help make my grandparents be happier?
Is there anything I can say to my grandparents?
How can I be more supportive to my mum?
AnnieLouisa1 Fri 27-Jun-14 13:20:01
glammanana Fri 27-Jun-14 13:48:00
HollyDaze Fri 27-Jun-14 13:48:34
Paula8 Fri 27-Jun-14 14:14:33
Paula8 Fri 27-Jun-14 14:16:49
TriciaF Fri 27-Jun-14 14:51:31
harrigran Fri 27-Jun-14 14:57:35
Aka Fri 27-Jun-14 15:36:09
rosesarered Fri 27-Jun-14 15:47:09
Nelliemoser Fri 27-Jun-14 15:52:55
Mishap Fri 27-Jun-14 16:31:59
TriciaF Fri 27-Jun-14 16:52:58
NfkDumpling Fri 27-Jun-14 17:47:48
merlotgran Fri 27-Jun-14 18:24:07
Eloethan Fri 27-Jun-14 18:43:35
Purpledaffodil Fri 27-Jun-14 20:06:00