I have every sympathy with this situation as I was the on the spot carer for my Dad for ten years until he died two years ago. However I was so fortunate that he was never demanding or bullying. He did everything he possibly could for himself, but I always felt that the buck stopped with me. My brother was very kind but he lives in North America so any day to day problems were mine.
I tried to do his cleaning, laundry etc while holding down a full time job, coping with a husband who'd had strokes and supporting my DD and baby GS. Nice try but humanly impossible. Finally between us we organised an excellent cleaner through Age UK who handled CRB and references. She was used to elderly people, happy to change his sheets every week and do any domestic stuff. We found a gardener who was willing to chat, grow vegetables in Dad's garden and share them as well as normal gardening. I used to take my iPad with me every fortnight and we'd do his shopping with Ocado. He also had a necklace alarm which proved invaluable when he fell.
All this meant that when I went to see him, we were able to chat, rather than me tearing around getting jobs done. He was never a club man, but our church has an excellent set of pastoral visitors and he had a weekly visit from a lovely man which he relished.
It is very hard for your Mum to cope with all that. I used to get a lot of grief about what I was doing from my DH and it made it all the harder. My advice is to contact Age UK locally as well as local voluntary orgs and get help in place, to be honest whether they like it or not. I suspect they feel they have done their bit by moving and now it is up to your Mum. Not true and not fair! to your mum.
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