DD3 has left the idiot - what now - advice appreciated!

When you say she will cease to be a director of their company, there will surely be legalities to go through and an entitlement to some recompense?

If he is the sole shareholder or there are shareholders (and kitty's daughter isn't one) holding above a certain percentage of the company shares (not sure what that percentage would be for the UK), they can vote to dismiss her as a director without any input from her and no, there is no need for recompense on that front.

I can only reiterate what others have said.

Please help to get her some good legal advice. Although I thought so at the time, my solicitor wasn't much good and she let me get stung for thousands and my children too. Your DD needs to stop agreeing to whatever he wants, he will take her to the cleaners otherwise and to put her and her children's needs first. I know this is difficult at this time. You feel in a sort of limbo and a dream and as if it's all not real. Go with her to any appointment, take a note pad, jot down what they say. Do what you can for the day and then put it to bed, so to speak, and help each other relax.

Get any child care arrangements in an order or a contract. He cannot just say he is not having them after making arrangements. If he is doing this now what will he be like in years to come. Get it legalised. My son is currently having counselling because his father abandoned him at 8 years old, he is now 17 and it still hurts him deeply.

As for the CSA, I know that for one child it is 15% of the man's wage. For two children it is 20%. I don't know what it is above this for more children.

My ex asked me to sign our marital home over to him in exchange for all our debts. I agreed. (I moved into council as he was violent). We got to court, his solicitor said the house was in negative equity, more or less made me sign the house over and then only agreed to pay debts in joint names. My personal debts were handed back to me. He sold the house two months later at a profit of £60,000. So I missed out on £30,000 and my debts being paid. How someone could be like this when you have shared a life and had children is beyond me. This was in 2001.

Take care of yourself Kitty we are all here for you, anytime.

It seems to me he would be obliged to pay a substantial amount of his large income towards his very young children's upkeep. I would expect your daughter at the very least to be bought out of the company, they are after all married, giving your daughter some financial security for her children's future.

I can't see any sense in your daughter staying in their rented house, she would have to find the rent. So after December when the lease runs out does that mean your daughter ends up without her own car?

I see you and your husband as having to fight for your daughter's rights kitty but it will be well worth it in the end. She would feel worse when she sees him with a new partner living it up while she struggles bringing up their two children. Doesn't sound like he is going to pull his weight where they are concerned. Best of luck.

PS Legal aid is, apparently, available for the mediation process. She should have representation for that because he will have. She needs a good settlement not just for her own sake but especially for the children.

She should have a look at this site for a start and make a list of priorities. She should also go to the CAB and discuss her options but it is necessary to see a solicitor because if he has one and she hasn't, he will get away with far more than he deserves. She mustn't let him think he can trample all over her. Legal aid is still available if she can prove abuse which can include psychological and emotional abuse. Sounds as if she might have a case. Good luck to her and her children - and you, of course, kitty.

Good legal advice is a must! We had a friend who left her husband and left him in possession of their council house because she "didn't want to cause any trouble!" The council rehoused her in a totally unsuitable flat and she ended up trailing round the country with her daughter moving in and out of friends' houses. It may not have caused her ex husband any trouble but was a nightmare for her and her daughter for years.

For you kitty and chin up!

When you say she will cease to be a director of their company, there will surely be legalities to go through and an entitlement to some recompense? I am not sure how it works but I would have thought so. Is she happy to cease being a director (less contact, less harrassment) or did he coerce her into it?

It never ceases to amaze me how some fathers are happy to see their children go without because they do not want to pay over a fair amount for their keep or to help keep a roof over their heads. My DN did not receive much at all from her ex for their two children - often nothing, he was supposed to pay a certain amount but consistently failed to do so. He lied about his income (he was in business with his father.

Good luck to you all

kitty for you. It's imperative she does everything through a solicitor. My late daughter divorced her first husband and we were amazed by the amount of detail that had to be properly decided. And that was with no children involved. Please persuade her to see a solicitor. I wish you all well. X

I empathize kitty DD is going through this or should I say the family are ! Feel free to pm me if it will help

She has a family doesn't she - so she owes it to them to get the best financial settlement possible. A agree that expert advice is important and not to agree to anything in the heat of the moment.

Not mercenary, you have to think straight. Yes it is about the money as well, it is about whatever they need to reach agreement about. My DD wasn't married to her partner so she has no protection or security unfortunately, but at least they sorted access and support for GS.

I agree with everyone who says legal advice must be obtained. Off the top of my head DD is entitled to half..... Also, there could be a little more than half if she has DC.... get a good lawyer.

Agreements must be on paper, must be legal, so he cannot change his mind. Also court will help organise re regular child access and then it will not look good if he doesn't keep to the arrangements.

Need agreement sorted regarding what happens about school fees, school trips, christmas and birthday presents. Make sure he has to contribute for school uniform and extra curricular classes/events.

Agreements regarding holidays, taking children abroad, both parents would need to agree for this to happen.

You or her father could go with her to solicitor appointment to make sure her case is put forward properly. That she doesn't just agree for the sake of peace. It is not DD that argues the point, it is her legal representative. All DD has to do is provide documents as requested by solicitor. The two relevant solicitors sort it out. Any aggravation from DD hubby just tell him it's legal stuff and to do it through solicitor.

I worked in a solicitors office and dealt with the matrimonial files but it was a long time ago.

A good solicitor knows what to go for.

What a difficult situation, but it is better that she has left - I know that legally she might have been better of to stay put but she needs a semblance of peace of mind by being away from him - and for the children to be away from the bad atmosphere.

However, she does now need legal advice and, as others have said, should not agree to anything without it.

This will be a busy and stressful time for you, but knowing she and the children are out of the bad atmosphere and somewhere where you know she is being properly cared for must also be a bonus.

Good luck with all this - how lucky your DD is to have you there.

kitty it is very difficult for everyone when a marriage comes to an end, what has been said earlier is sound advice, not rushing into quick decisions, is very important. Why I am posting this is because I think your daughter is so very fortunate to have somewhere safe to live with her children. even though your life will be in turmoil for a while, she is so lucky to have you for her Mum

Sorry kitty no advice to add here, but remember to take a bit of time out for yourself in the middle of the maelstrom.

Thank you all - GN comes up trumps!!

You are all saying exactly what we thought would be the case but it's going to be difficult to persuade her. My secret weapon with all of them is their sisters so I think they need a little briefing!!

Does Mediation just involve the marriage or is it about the money etc too, Nanalogue. I know I sound mercenary but we have to be because she isn't being, currently!

Oh dear kitty, I feel for you all (and the carpets!)

Legal advice definitely, no matter what she thinks now, she is not thinking straight.

kittylester so sorry not to have anything to offer but sympathy - it sounds as though you are all having a horrible time.

Oh dear, poor you, we have just gone through this too. No Legal Aid now, but most solicitors will give a free first consultation. Mediation is now mandatory before going to court and that cost DD/us £100 a session but has been useful. Agree with the others, legal advice re money is essential, particularly because of the business. Our DD found she was eligible for child tax credit and housing benefit. All very difficult and upsetting, feel for you.

I can not offer any advice kitty, no experience, but send best wishes and a virtual ((hug)) because you are in for a bumpy ride.

I think Holly's advice is excellent, please don't let her agree to anything yet.

You can go on the CSA's website and work out how much they say he should pay for the children according to his income. It is a good place to start and costs nothing I'd send you a link but the site seems to be down at the moment. Just google CSA.

Good advice, Hollydaze. One of my daughters was saddled with her ex's credit card debts because when they were together she allowed him to purchase expensive furniture they didn't need from her card. He took it with him and laughed at her when she asked him to pay up.

The business needs looking at carefully, and a solicitor will ask both of them to submit an inventory of assets and their worth, plus household contents. When sharing the assets or their value, if he 'disposes' of anything, its cost should still be included.

Legal advice ASAP and remind DD she is making decisions for her children's rights also. Best of luck Kitty.

kitty - your daughter shouldn't agree to anything until she has spoken to an advocate.

Did she agree to resign as a director? Is the business in his sole name? Did she have a working relationship with the business? Either way, she's still entitled to some income from the business.

As the car was a gift, I don't think he has the option but to pay the remaining lease but that would need legal advice as well.

Do encourage her not to opt for anything for a quiet life - the decisions she makes now could affect her and the children for quite a few years to come. My daughter did exactly the same and her husband walked away scot free - she ended up having to declare bankruptcy because she couldn't pay off the credit cards that he ran up whilst he has started a new family, living in a luxury apartment and holidaying twice a year. Not bothering to fight for your rights can seriously cost you in the long run.

Kitty I think it will be for the best but it will take time. Be strong for her.
((((hugs))))