Relationship with Adult Daughter Strained

It's been said repeatedly on this thread..... Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut..... Provide an welcome and a hug, but not advice unless asked for it.
Your grandson is now 9, it won't be long until he will have his own opinions and perhaps his mum will have to rethink her attitude.

Southline If your grandson wanted to stay in bed would it not have been easier for you to go to their home and mind him there? Then he would not have had to get out of bed at all until he was rested. Then when he woke, you could have taken him back to yours for her to collect him later and you could have done your errands then as well.

hi southline,,,,this is like looking in the mirror to me,,,similiar to what you have been through,,,,take all the addvice you can on here,,,,,,,my advice,,,keep quiet,,,say very little,,,,dont make comments,,,offer help if its asked for,,,otherwise keep out let them get on with it no matter how your feeling,,,just be there for them,,,,,thats all you can do,,,,that way you cant be in trouble . ,,,i know it breaks your heart sometimes,,,,,but its the only way,,,,,you dont want to get shut off completely,,,,,,,because thats a killer ,,,i know i have been there.....chin up,....

Don`t do anything you will live to regret. Support your GS however and whenever you can and don`t get over-involved.

Best to say nothing to either. Just go with the flow. No-one is an ideal parent; and if you want to have contact with your GS you need to bite your tongue - very hard sometimes I know

Those grannies that knit Shreddies knit zips as well.......alas, we've all needed one at one time or another ...

I agree with Aka and others above. I spoke up re my daughter and it was a big mistake. Things have never been the same. I think we have to suffer in silence and paint on a smile. Not easy but best.

Even the youngest, loveliest children are very good a manipulating adults as well,which is why it's important to not critiscise their mums or dads.

The reason why you should say nothing, is because "You cannot reason with unreasonable people." You sound like a lovely grandma and I think you should just continue to be a support for your grandson. Without talking negatively about your daughter, you perhaps need to give your grandson some coping tools. I would find a good pyschology book which would help you both find the right words for handling her.

Without knowing in what other ways your daughter is "selfish", and given that you say she's a "great mom", it's difficult to advise. Having the radio on too loud in the car is annoying (my daughter tends to do the same and doesn't take kindly to requests to turn it down). But without knowing exactly what happened between your daughter and your grandson it's probably best to try and overlook these relatively small incidents.

If your grandson thinks that you automatically "side" with him, he may start to exaggerate small incidents (all mums are unreasonable and selfish sometimes, like anyone else). As others have said, maybe your daughter is under pressure, stressed and sometimes impatient. My feeling is that you are right to give your grandson the time and attention to have a moan but try not to show by word or facial expression disapproval of her behaviour, either to him or to her.

Yes, chunter away on here (but don't make it too personal as advised on another thread in case you are recognised). However, try not to say anything to her or to your GC about her either. A zip is always a good idea, however much you are wanting to say your piece!

I sounds as if she is stressed (getting an unwilling child up and out early in the morning is stressful in itself), going to work, coping on her own, although with your help luckily.

Perhaps he had a late night, I suppose it is the school holidays but sounds as if he needs to go to bed earlier possibly. Only try not to say that to your DD!

Wish I had looked for a helpful forum years ago!!! Thank You, Thank You, and Thank You !!!

Have a Great Day !!!

Southline; when something like that happens, keep quiet but come on here and have a grumble. Trust me, it really helps!

Wise words AKA & SOUTH
[last two posts]

Thank you for a quick response... My mind has been dwelling on this for days. I'll not say a word!!! Again, Thank You !!!

I wouldn't confront her about this. It won't do any good and will, in all probability, make things worse. Just be there for your grandson. But neither should you criticise your daughter to your GS, even if it's not in words.

OK, she's difficult. You'll just have to accept that and she's unlikely to change in the short term. If you want to maintain any sort of relationship with her, no matter how flawed, you're going to have to 'see all and say nothing'. There are people on this forum who have been denied all contact with GC for similar reasons, and some for no reason at all.

Think about your GS and put your relationship with him first.