How do I cope with this

Glad that it has helped 'talking' it through on here tcherry.
Good luck

Just try to be thankful that you do still have your partner! Coming back to an empty house is no fun . My late husband used to annoy me at times, as I'm sure I used to annoy him, but having no-one to talk to ,share a meal with or go out with is worth that annoyance!

Elegran perhaps the prescription charges would bail out the NHS ?

trendy I couldn't agree more.

We should suggest it to GNHQ. Perhaps they could be on commision and get a cut!

trendy lucky you that had a husband that you shared things with and lucky you that had a husband that you could go out with--I do not!

I guess sharing things on gransnet opens you up to both support and criticism--as in real life, there is the good and the bad

I shall deem it as a positive experience though, as the support has out weighed any negative comments

tcherry I can see both your point of view and trendy's.

However, I think trendy might be missing the message from you that you can be lonely within a marriage. Thank goodness I am not but I can see what you are saying.

Good luck and stay strong. Who knows what the future holds.

I have to say that I did not appreciate your rude and shouty PM, tcherry - I'm mentioning it on here because you told me you'd blocked me, so I couldn't reply. What an odd way to behave!

tcherry our wedding day was happy and , mostly we have been happy but like many couples have had bad patches too..even separated at one point. That is why I promote trying counselling it helped us through a sticky patch. It aimed to help each of us and did not push us to stay together or to separate but to find a solution.

Counselling is good and probably very effective but you need to want to make things work and there has to be something left, not the case for me I'm afraid..

thcherry it may help yo to move on 'positively'

I think I can do that without any help as I have waited for this split for a very long time, trouble is, now he is saying he is unwell and so I feel guilty and saying to him well wait til you feel better before moving out, I feel very frustrated but don't want to be an evil so and so

One of these days I am going to put myself first!!

It sounds to me as if you have. To go from being fed up because he is at home when you get back from work to telling him to leave was drastic enough. No wonder he "feels unwell"

Dear tcherry It is not wrong to want to put yourself first at last in all of this. He has had plenty of opportunity to put right what has been wrong in your marriage for ages and has not done so. If it was me, and I knew that where he was going to he would still get care for feeling unwell, then I would still ask him to go. He is going to feel unwell at times when he moves out. He can't keep running back to you because he feels ill. He is and has been making you ill.

I also think it was more than feeling fed up because he is at home when you get back from work. But unless you are in the same position or have been, then it must be hard for some people to understand what you are going through now. Elvis - Before you abuse criticize and accuse, walk a mile in my shoes. You be strong and stick to what you want from your life.

Although I have the utmost sympathy for women who have lost a loving and loved husband,( my mother was in that situation in her fifties) I don't think it's very helpful for people who are unhappy in their relationship to be told 'Think yourself lucky you've still got a husband" .I believe there are many women , and probably men in the same situation as Tcherry,who are very unhappy but for various reasons aren't courageous enough to make the break. perhaps it's a generational thing, as younger people seem to leave more easily, despite hardship of being single parents.

Can only agree with Atqui.

What has Elvis got to do with anything?

Ah right see what you mean. As a quote I tend to associate it more with Scout's father in To Kill a Mocking Bird although it is said to predate that and have Native American Indian origins.

Is it a good thing that younger couples 'seem to leave more easily'?
Good for whom?
I agree with penstemmon about the value of counselling. I accept that some relationships may indeed be irretrievable, and should be ended, but leaving a relationship to which a lifetime commitment has been made, shouldn't be undertaken lightly or easily.

I have just read through the posts and can someone tell me if when a marriage is over as the OP states can she expect to be left in the house that both her and her husband have contributed too throughout their years together or am I right in thinking that the property is sold and split both ways or she buys him out.? Just thinking not making any judgements.

It certainly seems to me that after a lifetime of being together to suddenly decide that a husband should move out, for what seem to be fairly trivial reasons, is unreasonable. Counselling has been suggested, and that should be the first thing to be tried.

And, although I hesitate to say this, I read on these threads accounts of members whose husbands / partners suffer from dreadful illness, are sometimes difficult or awkward or exasperating. I'm sure we all are in one way or another. But when we made those vows 'for better, for worse, in sickness and in health' we surely knew that in older age those situations would kick in.

My respect for some members on here is immense. They cope with huge trials and problems and remain strong and true through it all. I think we could all learn from them when the going gets hard.

MiceElf Wise words

Can I just point out to rubylady that as I said in a previous that I have had very difficult times within a relationship.

In tcherrys original post there was not a suggestion that the relationship was hopeless just that they were having difficulty adjusting to OH retirement.

When I was in a desperate place I had no idea which way the counselling would go and the counsellor made it clear it was to help us move forward and that might involve separation or finding a way forward together. Either outcome would be made through careful reflection and mediation, hopefully without bitterness and anger. That must be worth some effort!

A lot of effort has gone into replies to the OP.

I see that on another thread tcherry has said that she is a Catholic. Marriage Care ( formerly the Catholic marriage Advisory Service) has an excellent reputation, and will, I'm sure, prove helpful.