would a other grans be hurt by this

Maybe it's because I am a southerner, but I have never gone along with the `drop in` thing. Neither have my friends, we are all the same. We make prior arrangements.

My daughter has a 6 year old and 16 month old and she works, so again I would never just `drop in`. We do have a great understanding though, I go round there to help sometimes as she is very busy and perhaps catch up on the ironing. We invite each other round from time to time and if I am out and coming her near her way then I will text so see if it is convenient but she will tell if it isn't and I understand that. Again she might be out and want to call in to us and if we are not on our way out the door somewhere, then she is more than welcome.

Instead of just `popping round` suggest you go round to give a hand cleaning or cooking perhaps and I am sure she will be grateful. Also invite her to your place, she might feel she has to have the place all neat and tidy and maybe she's not up to it yet.

Grannyknot - you are perfectly entitled to disagree with me and others who would consider it rude to just turn up unexpectedly.

I would say that if you have been having a conversation over the low wall and the lady then invites you in, that's fine - she has chosen to invite you in but without you putting her in the awkward position of having to decide whether or not to ask you in if you had, instead, just knocked on her door (most people are polite and would invite someone in that has called on speck - the politeness should work both ways though).

Well, all you 'poppers-in 'would have a hard time here in France. You just don't 'pop-in'. You ring first, on peril of being struck off the neighbourhood social list. And woe betide you if you ring or call round between the hours of 2.00 and 4.30. No-one, but no-one does that. That's probably why I feel so comfortable here. I hate, just hate being caught unawares... sans at least a flick of make-up, cleaned teeth, brushed hair, and with a kitchen not cleaned up from th bombsite of the night before. I have deep respect for all you self -confident souls who have that 'Take me as you find me' attitude but some of us just need a bit of a warning before friends and aquaintances launch themselves on us.

So anyone coming to the Pyrenees for a skiing holiday, you're very welcome to pay me a visit, but just ring first

Some days my phone would never stop ringing if everyone who popped in to see me called beforehand.
Family pop in if they are in the area, but call beforehand if they need to see me, are coming from a distance, or if they hope for a meal. Ditto close friends who live nearby. Other friends mostly call before visiting, but they know I'm always pleased to see them if they're in the area and get a moment to just pop in. I do get a lot of 'casual' callers who turn up in the hope of a chat and a cup of tea and there are people I see 'by appointment' for various reasons.
I tend not to call in on friends without calling first, but when my daughter lived nearby I occasionally popped in on her, taking the chance that she would be at home - and because I know that seeing me unexpectedly was always a welcome surprise for her.

Elegran - I like it!

Elegran perfect solution.

(nor did I agree about the rudeness allegation!)

I would point out that it was not actually me who used the 'inflammatory' phrase, Eloethan, in case you haven't read the whole thread!

I just felt the defensive posts were dragging on a bit yesterday...

I t depends on whether you are doing anything that you don't want to interrupt, or whether you feel like some time on your own.

The answer to friends who drop in unexpectedly too often is to keep a coat behind the door. Stick one arm into a sleeve as yyu open the door. If you are pleased to have them come in, you say "Oh great, I have just come in, what good timing. If you are not, you say "Oh I'm sorry, I am just going out. What bad timing"

I agree with Anya. I think it's fair enough for a poster to say what their personal preference is or what people in their family/circle of friends do. In my view, though, it is rather "inflammatory" to suggest that another person's family/friends are "rude" - and to use the expression "get over it".

I love friends and relatives to 'just pop in'. If they are bothered by the fact that I haven't hovered or put on my mascara then that is their problem.

DDs will often ring and ask if we are in as they would like to pop in and we would do the same usually but none of us have a problem if someone just arrives. If we have somewhere else to go then we say so and no one is upset.

As far as the modern trend about bonding (e.g Gina Ford) What a load of twaddle in my opinion. Babies know who Mum is and how much nicer it is to have an extended family of people who love you.

I do realise that there are some families who don't get along for some reasons but if there is generally a good relationship why not accept all the help you can get.

Greenfinch, yes my story is genuine, my friend was near to tears the other day when she told me. I felt so helpless. I cant go into more detail in case someone we know may recognise the family but yes its all true. Why would I make up a thing like that.

My friend always gives me used presents too but I just either use them or quietly give them away to charity shops. Ive had to bin out of date toiletries and foodstuffs but as she's my friend I cant say anything to her.
She taught me how to go 'jumble sailing' and car booting and over the years we have made blankets, knitted scarves, baby stuff etc. She is a real character .

Family and real friends would not care if you are tidy or dressed. They want to see you. I am lucky that my close family always seem pleased to see me and my close friends are always available for a chat. I would offer them the same courtesy. My mum was always pleased to see us but my friend practically has to make an appointment to call on her mum!

I don't consider I think it is quite rude to expect just to be able to drop in to be such an inflammatory remark, that's all.

That's all any of us were doing Ana expressing our opinion. I happen to consider anyone calling my family and friends 'rude' for popping in to see me very offensive and made worse by someone agreeing with them.

I think I sm allowed to express that opinion - I mean I didn't fling insults around did I?

I was not criticising those who expressed the opposite opinion, in fact I said that was 'fine'. Please read my last two sentences in my previous post and you'll see that.

So what exactly are we supposed to 'get over?

I think a lot depends on whether we have a house tidy enough to welcome unexpected guests [and we all know what my housekeeping skills are like!]. At this moment in time you can't walk anywhere here without climbing over boxes or rubbish sacks and there is washing either drying or waiting to be washed everywhere. When I'm spring cleaning things get an awful lot worse before they get better [if they ever do!]. Also, since I've retired I'm often still in my pyjamas in the afternoon . In fact, by the time I change out of them it's often time to change back again.

Only one person said they thought it was rude, and only one other person agreed with them!

The rest of us who would rather not be popped in on, and wouldn't do it ourselves, have just been expressing our personal views, not criticising others.

Do get over yourselves - it's not a matter of right or wrong!

I think a lot of comments on this thread have been taken out of context. Time to move on, methinks.

Well said Anya.There is nothing rude about popping in on people.

DD loves having visitors, however, when she and SIL were quite newly married one of their neighbours used to 'drop in' every evening at around dinner-time. (When I say neighbour I should say that, being farmers, he lived about 3 miles away, not just popping over the garden fence.) His wife had left him and DD always felt obliged to offer him dinner as he would just sit there and not go when she was dishing up and putting dinner on the table. DD felt sorry for him but also got thoroughly fed up with his visits!

Hang on a minute .... Greenfinch, GrannyKnot, others and I are all saying that we enjoy people dropping in on us. I think that was the main thrust of our posts.

It is quite within our rights to say that we are happy to have spontaneous visits and for some to say that our very welcome visitors are RUDE is absolutely not on.

If some of you would never welcome this then fine. We are not asking you to do as we do, but please do not call out visitors rude.

Well, can't we accept that people are different? Your grandmother was thrilled when people dropped in Greenfinch, yet one mine wouldn't have been as she didn't like being taken unawares, as she put it!

I don't think there's a 'right' or 'wrong' way of doing things here.

I don't agree Tegan.Most things apart from appointments can be left for another time. I remember my grandmother who was always thrilled when we knocked on her door. I don't remember if she had a tidy garden or whether she ironed my pyjamas

Greenfinch; it depends how much time that person has. People live very high pressured lives these days and sometimes if they put an hour aside to do something they can't not do it.

... should be "they had stayed" not that.