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Anyone know where I can 'adopt' a Mum at 36?

(9 Posts)
MummyBtothree Fri 13-Mar-15 16:50:44

I live in the Derby are and I am happily married with three sons. Unfortunately my own mother is nothing like me and is a narcissist, therefore grew up wondering why I never had the relationship my friends and other young women had with their Mums. I long to have that still. I know there's women out there who couldn't have children and who would have given anything to have swapped places with somebody like my mother and been able to have a son/daughter. My mother has been out of my life for some years now and I am looking to 'adopt' a Mum. This is not for babysitting duties, financial gain etc, this is because I am a good decent person with a lot to give and Im hoping there are others out there too xx

EGNAN Fri 13-Mar-15 18:56:02

My heart goes out to you, MummyBtothree. If you heard Sherrie Hewson on Loose Women today, you will know that you are certainly not alone. Her story concerning her relationship with her mother, brought tears to my eyes. And sadly, it is not an isolated one. Being Mothers Day this weekend probably compounds the issue. Fortunately, I had a loving relationship with my own mum (long gone now, sadly) but i sometimes have a difficult relationship with my own daughter. All i can say, for what it is worth, is that you are fortunate to have a loving relationship with your husband and sons, and are the lovely, caring mum that, sadly, you feel your own mum missed out on. You dont need to adopt a mum - you are obviously a great one yourself!

soontobe Fri 13-Mar-15 23:11:47

For geographical reasons I am unable to help, but am happy to bump this thread for you.
I hope you find what you are looking for.

absent Fri 13-Mar-15 23:22:47

MummyBtothree I think it would very difficult, if not completely impossible for you to establish a mother-daughter relationship with someone who is currently a complete stranger. That bond is, indeed, special and is forged over a lifetime during which the dynamics change as daughter grows from baby to child to adult, becomes a mother herself and mum moves into old age and becomes a grandmother and even a great grandmother. It is simply not something that can just be created out of the blue by two people, however much they may both long for it. In fact, the more a childless woman wants a daughter and the more you long for a mother, the more likely it is that both people's expectations will be disappointed.

That doesn't mean that you cannot form a close and loving relationship with an older woman who, with time, becomes almost a member of the family. That's not quite the same thing, but perhaps a more realistic hope and I wish you luck with that.

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 13-Mar-15 23:35:53

Try again with your real mum.

J52 Sat 14-Mar-15 07:29:05

You could post on here and have some 'virtual' Grans and Gramps! I know it won't be the same, but we could be supportive. x

Falconbird Sat 14-Mar-15 07:54:05

Hi MummyB.

Yes do keep trying with your own mum if you possibly can. I had a VERY difficult mum but kept going, and at the end (she lived until 90) we had reached a very wonderful place, where at last, we began to understand each other.

I wanted her in my life, not just as my mother but also as a grandmother to my children. It wasn't easy that's for sure but glad I did it. Incidentally she was a better Gran than she was a mother.

Definitely post on here smileI've found lots of support from the other Grans who have lifetimes of experience.

Also throughout my life I had friends and relations who were the same age as my mother and they were wonderfully supportive, in their different ways.

Soutra Sat 14-Mar-15 08:00:31

Other people's family relationships can often seem perfect or at any rate better than one's own! I frequently as a teenager, got on "better" with my best friend's mum and was surprised, nay shocked, to hear same friend say how easier my mum was than hers.
On occasion I would equally cheerfully have traded any of the DC for less stroppy or argumentative models, and as for DH, well, no comment!
There must be other female members of your family you can relate to, but as jingl says, why not try again with your real mum, but without false expectations-it takes two to tango! If not, cut your losses and move on.

J52 Sat 14-Mar-15 09:00:47

Wise words from Soutra.
I had a difficult mother, but I tried for over 40 years. She then moved abroad, thus cutting all ties!
But, I did have a wonderful Aunt who counted me as one of her own, whilst managing not to put my own Mums back up. x