Not sure how to feel

You have got to be very careful you don't make it all much worse parcs. It's hard, but you need to just keep quiet. Men seem to want peace at any price. My DH would behave just the same. Grrr...

Good avice given by others. Move on. x

I do appreciate your in put Thank you

I do agree Elegran but for me it goes back to loyalty, it is very important to me and it was not just the one argument and I am interested to hear your opinion on my daughter yanking my grandson out of my hands and saying don't pick him up just give him back--please tell me how you would react to that and more importantly would you forgive

Imagine that you are all children and there has been a falling-out but now all is over. If one of the children were being resentful toward one who had made friends again before they got round to it, what advice would you give them? Perhaps that it has gone on long enough, and to stop being badtempered and get back to being friends - life is too short to stay at loggerheads.

The situation with the three of you does sound rather like the way children do the "I am not speaking to her so if you speak to her I am not speaking to you!" thing.

She is no longer living in the pressure cooker with you, so the atmosphere should have cooled. It looks to me as though your husband and daughter have made up after the storms, but you have not.

We can tell you what we think, but only you can change your behaviour now that the situation has changed. If you have tried to change your reaction to her and failed, then perhaps you need some professional help toward anger management.

I feel very dis respected when my husband just speaks to her as if she had done nothing

Thanks Tresco but I still can not think of why I would set myself up for another fallout with her, this is our history and she goes to extreme lengths to hurt me, even using the children and grabbing them out of my hands, believe me that hurts.

No one has a licence to be horrid to anyone else. But sometimes a child will actually be angriest with the person they trust most. That happened in my family. Just speaking to her politely, as Ana says, would give her no further fuel and allows everyone a chance to calm down and reflect. Overtly hostile behaviour, such as refusing to speak to her, allows no chance of improvement. It is always open to you to operate a kind of "Time out", whereby you speak politely to her but if she replies rudely, you calmly say that you don't accept rudeness and remove yourself from the situation for a short time. Even a visit to the bathroom will do.

But how do I stop being upset with my husband

To an extent, I can see where you're coming from, it's the inner child in us all that wants those close to us to support us whatever the rights or wrongs of the situation.

But as jingl says, someone has to be the grown-up, and it should probably be you as your daughter is obviously much younger. You don't have to be over-friendly, but cool and polite would be a starting place. She's not going to back down while you're being hostile towards her and your DH is piggy in the middle.

I understand Tresco but just because she is my daughter does that give her a license to be horrid to me, should I open the channels of communication with her just to allow her to be hurtful and tell me again to stay away from her and her family

Ana I am not sure what he is doing, she is his favourite so perhaps that has something to do with him not seeing clearly what she has done and how hurtful she has been

Have you thought maybe your husband is right? Your daughter has a 9 month old child - hormones still all over the place. You're her mother - it's up to you to be the bigger person.

I really do not want to be upset with my husband for acting as though nothing has happened with her..but I can not help myself, I am angry but want the anger to go away

Have to go and

X post.

Yes of course, but to what extent? What does he say to you about the situation - is he just trying to keep the channel of communication open with your/his daughter?

You are forcing him to take sides when he probably just wants everyone to be happy again.

rose it goes much deeper than that, she has always been selfish and un grateful, we gave her £10,000 last year and not even a thank you did we get back

I think I am looking for loyalty from him

Lots of people say horrid things when they are upset, and all of you living together would be a bit like a pressure cooker - the steam has to come out some time!

Can't you give her a hug and say you know she was upset when she said those things but can you both put it all behind you please?

No Ana I do not speak to her at all, I am not sure what I want from my husband, he has told her that she has gone too far with me, but never in front of me, he just tells me he has said these things

I haven't got a sister so have no idea what I would talk to one about, but I think this is between you, your husband and your DD - and SIL.
Your sister should not be offering opinions, only support.

Do you not speak to her at all when she visits, Parcs? Are you saying you want your husband to distance himself from her too, or do you just want him to tell her how much her behaviour has upset you?